itsmylife Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 So I have been seeing this very nice guy for a month now. We met through online dating and I have made the mistake of giving in to soon but that hasn't changed our relationship. Everyday he texts me good morning, we see each once or twice a week, he text me how I'm doing or what I'm up to all day long, everything seems perfect I am happy. But he still logs onto plenty of fish daily I have confronted him about this three times now explaining it bothers me and finally yesterday he got mad at me. But am I being irrational? He also has profiles on match.com, okcupid, date hook up non of which he logs into and I have confronted him about these to I have been 100% forward with how much it upsets me but he takes it as me "controlling" him I feel like...I have taken my pof profile down I just want the same respect but am I being irrational since it's only been a month? Back up story, after a ****ty 2 year relationship I defiantly have my share of issues, I want to run from this guy but am I just looking for something to be upset about when things are going good? Or do I have the right to be annoyed? I know tomorrow when we go out we will discuss this, how can I convince him to respect my point of you, is it worth the fight?
Author itsmylife Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 Are you guys exclusive yet? Yes we are
ja123 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 No, it's not worth the fight. You need to be with someone who wants to be only with you, and he doesn't. Move on. There are still plenty of fish!
Brunettie Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Have you asked him why he still goes on there? Or when you discuss it do you just tell him that you're upset that he still goes on there?
CryForNoOne Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Two things. 1) You had sex too early but you know that so I'll try not to dwell on that specific point but I'll have to because it's relevent. 2) You're kinda beating around the bush here with this online profile thing. I mean what you are really saying is that you want an exclusive relationship. Now that you've slept with him, you're emotionally invested and he feels he holds all the power. I don't really see developing into a healthy relationship. You need to have the exclusivity talk and press the issue.
CryForNoOne Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Just read the other replies. Ignore my last post. If you are exclusive and he refuses to close those profiles you need to end it immediately. 2
Author itsmylife Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 Yes I have vocalized all my concerns and I can't get a clear answer we haven't spoke of this face to face only through text he can't beat around the bush when I'm looking him dead in the eye tomorrow.
Suziee Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Just dump him-- refuse to see him any more, and wish him luck finding someone else online. Even if he agrees to take down his profiles, he's already proven himself to be a shady person that's not to be trusted. He can easily make up another profile, hide his images and continue the deceit. 1
TanSan Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I've gotten myself into similar situations, and my experience would say run. In the opposite direction, as fast as you can! However, if you choose to stay I would advise you to try and think about why you are staying. I stayed because I liked how he made me feel when things were good, but after a while there were no good times. Best of luck! I wish you a happy heart.
phineas Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Yes we are Obviously you aren't. sorry but you are just a FWB to him. This is the biggest mistake women make, they sleep with a guy then keep sleeping with him & putting up with bad behavior because why? They don't want to look like a slut? The dude is running the OLD gauntlet while supposedly exclusive with you & you put up with it. He obviously just doesn't care if you walk on him or not because he keeps doing it. To make matters worse you are now stalking him online to catch him in the act. WTF for? Just drop his ass, block his number & punish future men for this guys treatment of you. Use it as a learning experience & make sure the next guy knows what your terms are for being exclusive. 1
ascendotum Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 If I read this right, you have only discussed this (such as it is when it comes to txting) issue via text. This should be tackled face to face, where you can get a solid response as to his need to still be active on OLD when he's already found what he was looking for. If he still refuses because he sees it as giving in to a controlling female, then show him how much control you yield in the future/intimacy level of this relationship.
outsidethebox Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I'm going to assume that your "yes, we're exclusive" came about by him grunting when you said "so we're exclusive now?" after you had sex first time. You should interpret that as "we're exclusive until I find my next hookup". Resistance at suspending his dating accounts, even having to have this conversation, means he has no intent on being exclusive. In fact he is probably lying to you about that. He may not be having sex with another girl yet but only because he hasn't found her yet. There is no conversation that will instill love and devotion to you from him. You need to restore your account and quit seeing him. Men who love you will tell you they took down their account, they don't need it anymore because you make him so happy. 2
clia Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Are you sure you're exclusive? Did you actually have a discussion with him where you both agreed that you wouldn't date other people? Because...if you've brought this up three times before and he's not understanding why you are upset...it sounds to me like he doesn't think you are exclusive.
Author itsmylife Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 No the exclusive talk wasn't after sex it was a week later or so when I asked him to take it down the first time. I'm not stupid...I know what he is up to... We are about to meet up for dinner and talk...I've set in my head if he doesn't understand when I explain to his face and he actually sees how much it upsets me then I'm done. He explained today it's his ego he feels like I'm telling him what to do blah blah bs bs bs. I understand how he is so I get his reasoning but it's not valid to me. Will update you all on how it goes when I get home... To be continued... 1
Recommended Posts