3 months of NC

[crimsoncurrent]

Every month, since I started NC, I post a thread about my ever-evolving experience of NC. My hopes are these types of posts like mine will encourage those to maintain NC and to provide an empathetic voice for those struggle to keep NC, like I continue to do even now.

 

With that said, this past month has been difficult with regard to grieving over the loss of my ex. More and more, I find I can relate my breakup experience to the loss of a loved one to death. Yesterday, I looked at a pic of my ex I have on my computer. While I was looking at the pic, this sensation of unfamiliarity overcame me. It was as if I was staring at a complete stranger, like the life had vanished from her face and all was left was an image. With such a considerable time passing without her in my life, I feel like I'm beginning to lose my conceptual understanding of who she was. It dawned of me yesterday that we're strangers to eachothers' lives now, not having any association, contact, nor communication with the other. And with that realization, the fact that there is no chance of ever again salvaging a life together with her became more cemented more.

 

So, if anyone would like to leave comments, words of advice, or anything at all, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

[youngnlove89]

Every month, since I started NC, I post a thread about my ever-evolving experience of NC. My hopes are these types of posts like mine will encourage those to maintain NC and to provide an empathetic voice for those struggle to keep NC, like I continue to do even now.

 

With that said, this past month has been difficult with regard to grieving over the loss of my ex. More and more, I find I can relate my breakup experience to the loss of a loved one to death. Yesterday, I looked at a pic of my ex I have on my computer. While I was looking at the pic, this sensation of unfamiliarity overcame me. It was as if I was staring at a complete stranger, like the life had vanished from her face and all was left was an image. With such a considerable time passing without her in my life, I feel like I'm beginning to lose my conceptual understanding of who she was. It dawned of me yesterday that we're strangers to eachothers' lives now, not having any association, contact, nor communication with the other. And with that realization, the fact that there is no chance of ever again salvaging a life together with her became more cemented more.

 

So, if anyone would like to leave comments, words of advice, or anything at all, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

 

This made my heart get that cold burning feeling right before it drops. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I just initiated no contact with my ex and it is incredibly hard for me. Knowing that one day he will be exactly what you described your ex is to you...it makes me wonder how I'll last.

 

I have no advice to share, because I am going through it too. It aches, it burns, it stings, and most of it just stinkin hurts. Nothing anybody can say or do is going to magically make you feel better, maybe for a few minutes, but that pain will come right back. It always does.

 

The pain we feel now has replaced our loved ones. We wake up with that pain, eat with that pain, sleep with that pain and walk with that pain. Until we can finally let go of that pain and accept, it will continue to sit on our shoulder and look down at us.

 

I think in the end it just takes time to fully become indifferent. Sometimes that fear of cutting the last string to letting them go gets in the way. I think you are afraid of letting her go for fear of the unknown.

 

Any pain you are going through right now…it will end. Take a deep breath. Think of that one bright, happy thing in your life, and smile. Live another day. It's worth it.

[Am4Real]

I completely understand. I feel pretty close to the same.

 

I’ve seen an image as well and what once was all my life comes closer to lifelessness, almost like looking at a photograph in a magazine.

 

It’s so sad…it’s draining…I’m drained…I’m empty inside.

 

I can think of a thousand reasons why this b/u is the best outcome for me, yet, the mind often takes us in different directions. And although I’ve progressed, today was an absolute bottom dweller for me and I have no explanation for it.

[McGriff]

I can totally identify with your words. Very eloquently said. Even though I'm only at 2 weeks NC, I haven't seen her in a month, or talked to her on the phone. I looked at some pics of her, and it's weird because someone who I spent EVERYDAY with just 2 months ago, is slowly creeping into my memory, almost becoming a stranger. It's such a strange phenomenon. Thanks for sharing, and know you are not alone.

[cavalier99]

I think it was month 3 or 4 that was really difficuly. This is when the reality REALLY hits that they are never coming back and are gone forever. I mean we knew this before logically but at this point you REALLY know it.

 

This takes some adjusting because some of the coping mechanisms that you used early on arnt as effective.

 

Also that time period was challenging because you begin to realize that you really need to start to focus on you. I dont mean the mad dash at self imporvemnt that happens early on. This is done but it was with them in mind.

 

Now the things that you do need to be for you and this is sorta daunting now that you realize the true reality of them being gone.

 

Anyway im getting pretty indifferent at 6 months NC. Youll get there. Just keep going. Rock on! Cav

[uniqwa]

): damn.. You must have been important to her.. Honestly if you see the heartache radiate from her eyes.. Stop looking?? honestly.. women try to hide behind a smile.. let her think she's won that much..

[Jord11]

I know exactly how you feel, it will be 50 days nc for me tomorrow, did you ever have a dream of your ex ? I did last night and I've been feeling pain all day because it was like we were together again and happy, but that's not the case, I loved that girl with all my heart and we promised each other we wouldn't break each others hearts, but she broke mine, told me she didint love me anymore when I gave her the world, I hate her and love her at the same time, I'm not going to initiate any contact at all, but man I miss her so much, the worst pain is knowing she is completely fine when I'm feeling like this

[westjames111]

I think it was month 3 or 4 that was really difficuly. This is when the reality REALLY hits that they are never coming back and are gone forever. I mean we knew this before logically but at this point you REALLY know it.

 

This takes some adjusting because some of the coping mechanisms that you used early on arnt as effective.

 

Also that time period was challenging because you begin to realize that you really need to start to focus on you. I dont mean the mad dash at self imporvemnt that happens early on. This is done but it was with them in mind.

 

Now the things that you do need to be for you and this is sorta daunting now that you realize the true reality of them being gone.

 

Anyway im getting pretty indifferent at 6 months NC. Youll get there. Just keep going. Rock on! Cav

 

I am 4 weeks in this Thursday. I am so jealous of your 6 month mark. I'm sure it was extremely hard, but worth it. What part of it was the hardest for you?

[cavalier99]

I am 4 weeks in this Thursday. I am so jealous of your 6 month mark. I'm sure it was extremely hard, but worth it. What part of it was the hardest for you?

 

Hmm. I dont know really they all seemed hard in their own way. I guess the 1st month because time seemed to stand still, felt insane, and like death was imminent. Lol

 

Then later you get on the roller coaster of emotions! Month 2 and 3 were sorta ok big impovements. Month 4 seemed hard. 5 ok...And 6 slipping into indifference.

[destroyed4sho]

Every month, since I started NC, I post a thread about my ever-evolving experience of NC. My hopes are these types of posts like mine will encourage those to maintain NC and to provide an empathetic voice for those struggle to keep NC, like I continue to do even now.

 

With that said, this past month has been difficult with regard to grieving over the loss of my ex. More and more, I find I can relate my breakup experience to the loss of a loved one to death. Yesterday, I looked at a pic of my ex I have on my computer. While I was looking at the pic, this sensation of unfamiliarity overcame me. It was as if I was staring at a complete stranger, like the life had vanished from her face and all was left was an image. With such a considerable time passing without her in my life, I feel like I'm beginning to lose my conceptual understanding of who she was. It dawned of me yesterday that we're strangers to eachothers' lives now, not having any association, contact, nor communication with the other. And with that realization, the fact that there is no chance of ever again salvaging a life together with her became more cemented more.

 

So, if anyone would like to leave comments, words of advice, or anything at all, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

 

Actually, I did the same exact thing as you did at the 3 month mark. I had some pictures on my phone and looked at them. I felt numb, no lovey dovey feelings, "that is my baby" feelings. Just numbness, unfamiliarity, no connection, who is this stranger?, do i know her? did I ever know her?.... I felt nothing. I guess its a good thing.

 

I did have a setback though when reading my journals from when we were back together, the fights, my feelings, thoughts about what would happen, the abuse. I highly do not recommend anyone do this until you are 110% sure you have hit indifference. I had a horrible weekend with many meltdowns.

[westjames111]

Hmm. I dont know really they all seemed hard in their own way. I guess the 1st month because time seemed to stand still, felt insane, and like death was imminent. Lol

 

Then later you get on the roller coaster of emotions! Month 2 and 3 were sorta ok big impovements. Month 4 seemed hard. 5 ok...And 6 slipping into indifference.

 

She is the one who left me for another so its hard. Month 1 has been hard especially with her doing the whole crazy ex thing like texting me about how I am a bad person, or sending me a picture driving by my house. I haven't replied to any of them, but every time she texts it drives me into a downward spiral of thought about "what is she thinking?, why is she contacting me? is she hurting too?" Its been about a week now with nothing so I am trying to not think about it even though I am of course. So even though I haven't had contact in a month she has contacted me. I guess it still counts as its about me not her. Month 2 begins this week!

 

Thanks for the reply.

[cavalier99]

She is the one who left me for another so its hard. Month 1 has been hard especially with her doing the whole crazy ex thing like texting me about how I am a bad person, or sending me a picture driving by my house. I haven't replied to any of them, but every time she texts it drives me into a downward spiral of thought about "what is she thinking?, why is she contacting me? is she hurting too?" Its been about a week now with nothing so I am trying to not think about it even though I am of course. So even though I haven't had contact in a month she has contacted me. I guess it still counts as its about me not her. Month 2 begins this week!

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

No problem. You should block her ASAP. Trust me it is for the best. Cav

[thefooloftheyear]

I think it was month 3 or 4 that was really difficuly. This is when the reality REALLY hits that they are never coming back and are gone forever. I mean we knew this before logically but at this point you REALLY know it.

 

This takes some adjusting because some of the coping mechanisms that you used early on arnt as effective.

 

Also that time period was challenging because you begin to realize that you really need to start to focus on you. I dont mean the mad dash at self imporvemnt that happens early on. This is done but it was with them in mind.

 

Now the things that you do need to be for you and this is sorta daunting now that you realize the true reality of them being gone.

 

Anyway im getting pretty indifferent at 6 months NC. Youll get there. Just keep going. Rock on! Cav

 

Seems like I am on the same trajectory as you...Funny how all of us humans are so different in all ways yet there are these striking similarities..

 

I also understand when the OP mentions that the person is becoming a "stranger" to them..I am getting that, too. It makes me wonder when you hear stories of people getting back together after many months, even years, and what would it be like at that point.?..

 

An old ex from hs(25 years plus), hunted me down when I had a FB account. She wanted to meet. I didnt do it, but wondered if it would just be like meeting someone for the first time, or would some old feelings return after that much of a period of dormancy...Hmmm

 

OP, hang in there...you're turning the corner even though you might not feel like it at this point..

 

TFOY

[crimsoncurrent]

I think it was month 3 or 4 that was really difficuly. This is when the reality REALLY hits that they are never coming back and are gone forever. I mean we knew this before logically but at this point you REALLY know it.

 

This takes some adjusting because some of the coping mechanisms that you used early on arnt as effective.

 

Also that time period was challenging because you begin to realize that you really need to start to focus on you. I dont mean the mad dash at self imporvemnt that happens early on. This is done but it was with them in mind.

 

Now the things that you do need to be for you and this is sorta daunting now that you realize the true reality of them being gone.

 

Anyway im getting pretty indifferent at 6 months NC. Youll get there. Just keep going. Rock on! Cav

 

You're exactly accurate when describing my present sentiment right now. I reached a point of no return. She's not coming back, and I'm not going to reach out to her. I remember when I first came to the site, and you commented on one of my first posts, giving me encouragement and said I had a long way to go. Also, I remember you being on your 4th month. At that time, I thought you might have been overestimating your NC, but these 4 months have seemed like an eternity for me. Paradoxically, it also seems like the breakup just happened yesterday. It's strange. Thanks for your comment.

[Damaged23]

1 month right here. Can't wait to be indifferent!! Good Luck on your journey, everyone

[crimsoncurrent]

I know exactly how you feel, it will be 50 days nc for me tomorrow, did you ever have a dream of your ex ? I did last night and I've been feeling pain all day because it was like we were together again and happy, but that's not the case, I loved that girl with all my heart and we promised each other we wouldn't break each others hearts, but she broke mine, told me she didint love me anymore when I gave her the world, I hate her and love her at the same time, I'm not going to initiate any contact at all, but man I miss her so much, the worst pain is knowing she is completely fine when I'm feeling like this

 

I'm really sorry you're feeling so much pain, man. In my situation, it was due to my misconduct which caused the breakup. She gave me plenty of chances before it was final. I often wondered what's worst: having your heart broken, or dealing with the agonizing regret of your decision that led to the breakup. In my opinion, I think your circumstance is worst than mine in some respects. But, in another respect, you do have a firm justification for not initiating any contact with your ex, knowing it was her decision. With me, I'm left with continuous regret. However, it's a clear consequence to change my previous behavior. And yes, I've had a couple of dreams about my ex. I think it's typical of the process. There's nothing atypical of what you're feeling or dreaming right now. Continue to keep strong. Remember, your emotions will pass. They won't kill you.

[crimsoncurrent]

This made my heart get that cold burning feeling right before it drops. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I just initiated no contact with my ex and it is incredibly hard for me. Knowing that one day he will be exactly what you described your ex is to you...it makes me wonder how I'll last.

 

I have no advice to share, because I am going through it too. It aches, it burns, it stings, and most of it just stinkin hurts. Nothing anybody can say or do is going to magically make you feel better, maybe for a few minutes, but that pain will come right back. It always does.

 

The pain we feel now has replaced our loved ones. We wake up with that pain, eat with that pain, sleep with that pain and walk with that pain. Until we can finally let go of that pain and accept, it will continue to sit on our shoulder and look down at us.

 

I think in the end it just takes time to fully become indifferent. Sometimes that fear of cutting the last string to letting them go gets in the way. I think you are afraid of letting her go for fear of the unknown.

 

Any pain you are going through right now…it will end. Take a deep breath. Think of that one bright, happy thing in your life, and smile. Live another day. It's worth it.

 

You're definitely correct when saying I'm fearing letting her go completely. What makes it more frightening when the process of letting her go seems out of my hands. Attempting to make contact with her is not an option for me anymore. So, letting her go is just inevitable. Sometimes, I feel helpless. But, I've learned a lot during this time of NC. I know what type of characteristics I'm looking for in a future partner. Also, I'm learning a lot about myself, embracing some of my quirky personality traits.

I'm sorry you're feeling a considerable amount of pain too. I wish you well with your journey of NC. For me, ironically, losing someone so significant from my life has exactly provided a deeper dimension of meaning to my life, I think. However, it's very painful. Continue to maintain NC at all cost.