New here, but thinking about becoming the OW

[TazzieMarie2013]

I'm so glad I found this forum. I've talked to so many people, but they all say I shouldn't go after a married man. I WOULD never ever think about going after someone who is married. I would never even touch a guy that a girl I've met once or twice had a crush on. I'm not going out trying to ruin a marriage, but this guy and I are almost twins,personality wise everyone at our workplace says we should go out.If you believe in new age (?) concepts, he would be my twin flame . All of our mutual friends tell me his wife is a really mean person. when him and I were hanging out one day she came home and treated him like a slave. Him and others tell me that she never shows him affection,and i believe it because when him and I were hanging out he tried to hold her hand and she moved it and made some mean remark.

 

I always tell him that if he wasn't married i'd date him, but now, idk. I'm thinking about trying to become more than friends with him.I see him everyday because i work with him. I wouldn't care if he never left her. In fact, I think I would actually prefer he stayed so she wouldn't get heartbroken. I love this guy so much and to see him sad, and in a relationship where he is not appreciated makes me angry. I know that he could make me happy, and I would make him happy which is why I have decided I really want to pursue things

 

first,how would I pursue it? should I just let things happen naturally?

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of.

[Praying4Peace]

I'm so glad I found this forum. I've talked to so many people, but they all say I shouldn't go after a married man. I WOULD never ever think about going after someone who is married. I would never even touch a guy that a girl I've met once or twice had a crush on. I'm not going out trying to ruin a marriage, but this guy and I are almost twins,personality wise everyone at our workplace says we should go out.If you believe in new age (?) concepts, he would be my twin flame . All of our mutual friends tell me his wife is a really mean person. when him and I were hanging out one day she came home and treated him like a slave. Him and others tell me that she never shows him affection,and i believe it because when him and I were hanging out he tried to hold her hand and she moved it and made some mean remark.

 

I always tell him that if he wasn't married i'd date him, but now, idk. I'm thinking about trying to become more than friends with him.I see him everyday because i work with him. I wouldn't care if he never left her. In fact, I think I would actually prefer he stayed so she wouldn't get heartbroken. I love this guy so much and to see him sad, and in a relationship where he is not appreciated makes me angry. I know that he could make me happy, and I would make him happy which is why I have decided I really want to pursue things

 

first,how would I pursue it? should I just let things happen naturally?

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of.

 

Hi there. First of all...in my book you already are having an affair, an emotional affair. I say that because you are already at the point where he is your 'twin flame'.

 

That said it could get waaaay worse. You say you aren't trying to hurt anyone. What about his mean wife? Mean people have feelings too. Even Oscar the Grouch had feelings on Sesame Street. Okay- forget her. What about YOU? Because the person who is going to hurt THE MOST if you go down this road is YOU. So even if you only care about yourself....DONT do it.

 

As for making this dude happy- can he make you happy? Your aren't a public service charity whatever. Why does he deserve to be happy and if he does, he needs to make himself single in order to go pursue happiness.

 

(I'm assuming you aren't married?)

 

Keep reading here, you'll figure things out soon enough.

[Poppy fields]

I don't think your feelings make you a bad person. I do think if you act on these feelings it will cause a lot of problems and heartache in your future. If you truly care for and value this person, I think you should be a supportive friend to him while he is in a seemingly troubled marriage.

 

If and when he decides he wants to leave the marriage, a good friend would support him through that tough time. Not by satisfying selfish needs to be with someone, but by being supportive and understanding.

 

Now, if all of that happens, and he is a free man so to speak, then it would be appropriate to let your feelings for him known. That is what a person would do to respect the person she cares about and respect herself.

 

If he decides to stay with his wife, well he has his reasons and you should respect those as well. I know you feel this is the only person for you right now, but if you think logically and not think through some new age mushy filter, you will see there are plenty of people you could be happy with while maintaining your integrity.

[ThatJustHappened]

I'm so glad I found this forum. I've talked to so many people, but they all say I shouldn't go after a married man. I WOULD never ever think about going after someone who is married. I would never even touch a guy that a girl I've met once or twice had a crush on. I'm not going out trying to ruin a marriage, but this guy and I are almost twins,personality wise everyone at our workplace says we should go out.If you believe in new age (?) concepts, he would be my twin flame . All of our mutual friends tell me his wife is a really mean person. when him and I were hanging out one day she came home and treated him like a slave. Him and others tell me that she never shows him affection,and i believe it because when him and I were hanging out he tried to hold her hand and she moved it and made some mean remark.

 

I always tell him that if he wasn't married i'd date him, but now, idk. I'm thinking about trying to become more than friends with him.I see him everyday because i work with him. I wouldn't care if he never left her. In fact, I think I would actually prefer he stayed so she wouldn't get heartbroken. I love this guy so much and to see him sad, and in a relationship where he is not appreciated makes me angry. I know that he could make me happy, and I would make him happy which is why I have decided I really want to pursue things

 

first,how would I pursue it? should I just let things happen naturally?

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of.

 

You want to date someone who's exactly like you? How narcissistic!

 

This will not make you happy..it will make you miserable. Think about it..do you really want to be with a guy who bangs you, wipes his d*ck off, and goes home and bangs his wife? And then eats dinner with her, sleeps next to her, cuddles her, and loves her while you're left all alone on holidays and weekends and nights.

 

You assume he's telling you the truth about his home life when in reality, he's probably perfectly happy, and is just grooming you to be his side dish.

 

I don't buy it. I think you'd be a fool to enter into an affair with this man.

[Turtles]

You make it sound like he is imprisoned and you hold the key to his happiness. Seems a bit black-and-white, if things were so bad wouldn't he be leaving?

 

Anyway, just remember to take it for what it is, a fun roll in the hay, not something you can dedicate your life to. The recurring theme if you read some of the other threads on the board is OW (mostly OW for some reason) who made the MM their priority in life then find out they were just a (tasty) side dish.

[Lillyfree]

I'm so glad I found this forum. I've talked to so many people, but they all say I shouldn't go after a married man. I WOULD never ever think about going after someone who is married. I would never even touch a guy that a girl I've met once or twice had a crush on.

 

there's your answer. then don't do it.

 

I'm not going out trying to ruin a marriage, but this guy and I are almost twins,personality wise everyone at our workplace says we should go out.If you believe in new age (?) concepts, he would be my twin flame .

 

i am trying to imagine the sort of people you surround yourself with... if your colleagues and friends are urging you to have an affair.

 

and you will definitely play a part in destroying his marriage. or at least in putting a huge ugly dent in it.

 

All of our mutual friends tell me his wife is a really mean person. when him and I were hanging out one day she came home and treated him like a slave. Him and others tell me that she never shows him affection,and i believe it because when him and I were hanging out he tried to hold her hand and she moved it and made some mean remark.

 

yet he's still married to a really mean person who treats him like a slave ... maybe he likes it?

 

 

I always tell him that if he wasn't married i'd date him, but now, idk. I'm thinking about trying to become more than friends with him.I see him everyday because i work with him. I wouldn't care if he never left her. In fact, I think I would actually prefer he stayed so she wouldn't get heartbroken. I love this guy so much and to see him sad, and in a relationship where he is not appreciated makes me angry. I know that he could make me happy, and I would make him happy which is why I have decided I really want to pursue things

 

first,how would I pursue it? should I just let things happen naturally?

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of.

 

why is it your responsibility to make him happy? why are you saving him?

[2sure]

Tazzie, it seems like you have spent some time imagining how it would be if you had an affair and ended up together. He would make you happy, you would make him happy. You've even imagined up that his wife will not be left heartbroken.

 

Ok, since you are considering and debating whether or not to have the affair, you have to imagine the other possibility. The possibility that actually happens more often than not.

 

You have an affair. Everyone at work knows. His wife finds out. She exposes the affair to anyone who doesn't know, like your bosses. He dumps you, blaming the whole thing on you. Everyone at work thinks your desperate. One of you gets fired or quits.

 

Roll the dice.

[ComingInHot]

Tazzie,

What kind of a person would sleep w/a MM/MW?

 

You wrote, " first,how would I pursue it? should I just let things happen naturally?

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of."

 

I won't call you names, even though you asked, but I will use some words to define what you are doing*

Cheating

Lying

Home wrecking

Hiding

Aiding

Abetting

Risking

Hurting

Manipulating

Stealing and more...

 

What you are doing With MM may fill a temporary void in both of you making you both feel happy in the moment, but w/the list above, please consider where you may end up.

CIH*

[wanting more]

The whole twin thing is kind of "weird".

 

If his wife is soooo mean and horrible, why does he stay???

[wanting more]

Keep reading on here. Go back and read older posts. Go back and read mine. I was in an A for over 3 years. Thought it was great. I loved him. Thought he loved me, I mean how couldn't he, he told me ALL the time. We had chemistry, mind blowing sex, great vacations, talked all day every day. Then he dropped me, threw me under the bus and rolled back and forth, back and forth over me. I never ever would've thought he'd have done that. He promised me a bed of roses, and delivered a pile of shi*. It is exciting in the beginning, it's forbidden and sexy and exhilarating. Then reality sets in. It's hurt and confusion like you've never experienced. And you hurt other people who didn't ask for it or deserve it. So then you're hurt, confused and have so much guilt you'll never know how you'll ever deal with it all

[whichwayisup]

I'm so glad I found this forum. I've talked to so many people, but they all say I shouldn't go after a married man. I WOULD never ever think about going after someone who is married. I would never even touch a guy that a girl I've met once or twice had a crush on. I'm not going out trying to ruin a marriage, but this guy and I are almost twins,personality wise everyone at our workplace says we should go out.If you believe in new age (?) concepts, he would be my twin flame . All of our mutual friends tell me his wife is a really mean person. when him and I were hanging out one day she came home and treated him like a slave. Him and others tell me that she never shows him affection,and i believe it because when him and I were hanging out he tried to hold her hand and she moved it and made some mean remark.

 

I always tell him that if he wasn't married i'd date him, but now, idk. I'm thinking about trying to become more than friends with him.I see him everyday because i work with him. I wouldn't care if he never left her. In fact, I think I would actually prefer he stayed so she wouldn't get heartbroken. I love this guy so much and to see him sad, and in a relationship where he is not appreciated makes me angry. I know that he could make me happy, and I would make him happy which is why I have decided I really want to pursue things

 

first,how would I pursue it? should I just let things happen naturally?

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of.

 

Then let him end his marriage and then date him. Obviously he's not that unhappy in his marriage, enough to end it. But, he could end up having an A with you. If you truly love him, care for him, then wait. If you two are meant to be, it'll happen when the timing is right aka when he gets a divorce. UNTIL that happens, back off and don't chase him, don't pursue him.

 

Who cares how his wife is with him, that's not your business, nor anybody else's business either. You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. He is still married because he chooses to be.

 

Bolded part. THEN DON'T. there is no 'but..' He's married and not up for you to have.

[stevie_23]

Um...

As someone who actually didn't have to worry about him lying to be with me initially, it's very easy to think it won't matter down the line that he's married.

 

Trust me.. It matters and there are days when it will break your heart.

 

Seriously, walk away before you get hurt, before his marriage is ruined and before he gets hurt.

 

I second this. When I first got together with my ex-MM, we were just friends, getting rapidly closer as friends, and didn't even realise our true feelings until they were so strong we just followed them and didn't think too much about the consequences.

 

At first, it wasn't a big deal that he was with another woman (they weren't married yet), and we had no troubles spending time together and such. It was easy and amazingly exciting and fulfilling. But of course, things didn't stay that way, his partner found out, things became harder, we had to hide and restrict our time more, then she found out again and again, in different ways, and it just got ridiculously stressful and hard.

 

If you're not in love with him already? Please save yourself a whole lot of pain and heartbreak and just stay friends. Seriously.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Even on this forum, you're going to get pretty much the same response that you've had from your friends: don't do it.

 

That's because it's the right answer.

 

He's not your "twin flame" and his wife might be fine, too.

[stevie_23]

Even on this forum, you're going to get pretty much the same response that you've had from your friends: don't do it.

 

That's because it's the right answer.

 

He's not your "twin flame" and his wife might be fine, too.

 

Well, I kind of understand the "twin flame" thing. But even despite this, it doesn't change my opinion. You can be twin souls, soul mates, lovers through eternity and beyond, THE ONE, but it STILL doesn't change the SITUATION. It's not HIM that will break your heart, it's the SITUATION he is in and that you don't even know what you'd be getting into if you try to be more than friends with him.

[ThatJustHappened]

I don't think the OP is coming back...

[skywriter]

Tazzie,

 

In case you make it back to read replies....

 

Does it make me a bad person? I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I just know I can this dude happy and he is the kind of amazing person that deserves to be happy instead of being in a relationship where he is taken advantage of.

 

I won't say it makes you a bad person, more a person that evidently hasn't got a clue w hat you're in for. Also, if you don't want to hurt anyone as you say, then don' t get involved, someone,(if not all) in a love triangle gets hurt.

So he deserves to be happy,why do you feel it's your place to provide him happiness? You're convincing yourself of reasons to have an A.

 

If he's not happy in his relationship, he can do what is necessary to change that.

[skywriter]

TazzieM,

 

If you come back , please take a moment and read GreySkyMorning's thread titled, "really what did I lose".

 

It's very accurate and informative in describing the A experience. Take care and don't make any hasty choice to get involved just yet..