shy_actor Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Had a great date with a girl on Friday. Lots of hand holding and touching, nice kiss at the end. I REALLY like this one and I'm CERTAIN the feeling is mutual. My anxiety here is not IF she likes me but IF I'm going to mess it up. I called her the next day, we talked about an hour, I asked her out again this Wednesday, and she accepted. Texted her a bit on Sunday setting up the particulars for Wed. We met online and she's already letting me pick her up at her place for 2nd date - good sign no? Last night I texted her again a little after 11PM but she replied at almost 1AM, way after I feel asleep. Anyway, I feel this need to keep in touch with her everyday, but I also know I have a tendency to smother. In the least I should respond to her reply from last night, but should I just hold off on calling her again or anymore extended texting? I mean it's only 1 more day and we're nearing 200 messages from just Sat-Sun. I think one of the things that bugs me is this whole OLD dating thing. I see her going online every night and I'm already getting jealous. I'm actually checking from a ghost account because I'm not interested in anyone else right now and don't want her to think I'm still fishing online...
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I like a lot of contact from the very start, but I have to admit that 200 texts from a date over a few days would be overwhelming. If you're exchanging that many texts, then you should pick up the phone and call. That sets you apart. Besides, one phone call will build more of a connection than those two hundred texts. Every woman is different. You never know what will be too much or too little. Send a text. Wait until you get a response back before you send another. If she responds promptly, you have a cue. If she responds hours or days later, you also have valuable information about her expectations regarding communication. That should help you calibrate to a level that remains welcomed. Do you have hobbies or other interests that can serve as distractions. You're going to drive yourself crazy and self-sabotage if you keep monitoring her activity on the dating site.
Author shy_actor Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 I like a lot of contact from the very start, but I have to admit that 200 texts from a date over a few days would be overwhelming. If you're exchanging that many texts, then you should pick up the phone and call. That sets you apart. Besides, one phone call will build more of a connection than those two hundred texts. 200 texts is nuts right?- but that's her more than me. We talked on the phone before and after our date for about an hour each time. She seems more comfortable texting. When we first exchanged numbers we texted intensively for like 30 min before I tried to call her because it was getting tedious - but she said it was too soon! After I confirmed plans with her for Wed, I casually mentioned I wish it was sooner. She said "me too, but you can text me before that..." Every woman is different. You never know what will be too much or too little. Send a text. Wait until you get a response back before you send another. If she responds promptly, you have a cue. If she responds hours or days later, you also have valuable information about her expectations regarding communication. That should help you calibrate to a level that remains welcomed. She never initiates communication. Sometimes it takes her an hour or two to respond if I'm starting the convo - then I might be busy and take a while too. But once we both seem to have a moment, it's basically real time and no sense of being left hanging. Just getting antsy for Wednesday and yes it's the OLD thing that bugs... Do you have hobbies or other interests that can serve as distractions. You're going to drive yourself crazy and self-sabotage if you keep monitoring her activity on the dating site. Yeah I'm an actor between projects right now. I'm fortunate enough I can pretty much do it full time, but it's either CRAZY busy or really slow. right now it's really slow, so other than reading some scripts not much to fill all the time. I mean I'm out most days or go to the gym etc... But with a smartphone you're pretty much online 24/7...
Michelle83 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 See and I'm the opposite. Too many texts/calls, etc right off the start and I'm really turned off. Even if I really like the guy, then I'll want to hear from him much more, but not like every hour upon the hour. But given she is initiating and texting as much...then I think you are okay. You just need to read her behavior and signs. If she's starting to take longer to text back or isn't initiating, back off right away. The worst is when you give someone signals like that and they just carry on - or worse, intensify the effort.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 200 texts is nuts right?- but that's her more than me. We talked on the phone before and after our date for about an hour each time. She seems more comfortable texting. When we first exchanged numbers we texted intensively for like 30 min before I tried to call her because it was getting tedious - but she said it was too soon! After I confirmed plans with her for Wed, I casually mentioned I wish it was sooner. She said "me too, but you can text me before that..." Some might call it nuts. But they aren't her. As I said before, every woman is different. The key is to decipher what she wants. She prefers texts to calls. She has generated half or more of the texts. She has suggested you text her before your date later today. Then texting it is! She never initiates communication. I wouldn't worry about this. Many (probably most?) women don't initiate communication, especially in the early stages of dating. As long as she responds, welcomes your efforts, accepts dates, and shows other signs of interest, you're golden. Also, if she's generating half of these texts she's doing her part to keep the conversation going. If it felt like you were talking to a brick wall and the conversation would die if you weren't working hard the entire time to keep it going, then I would worry about a lack of interest. Based on what you've shared, that's not an issue here. Yeah I'm an actor between projects right now. I'm fortunate enough I can pretty much do it full time, but it's either CRAZY busy or really slow. right now it's really slow, so other than reading some scripts not much to fill all the time. I mean I'm out most days or go to the gym etc... But with a smartphone you're pretty much online 24/7... The downsides of a smartphone! I know them well. Using mine to post right now. Down time is a double-edged sword, eh? Time to date, but also plenty of time to make yourself batty by worrying about minutiae. How about acting classes, surfing, biking,...you know, any activity where it's frowned upon or impossible to read your phone?
FitChick Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Call and tell her you accidentally slammed your finger in the door and are unable to text. So if she wants to speak with you, she will have to call or you will just wait until your next date. Then make sure to paint your fingernail black and the skin around it red and wear a bandaid. If you are an actor, this should be good practice! 1
flybonzai Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I have had texting ruin budding romances before and so I am way on the cautious side of things. After a date I'll send her a text or something telling her I enjoyed the date, then I wait a couple days to contact her again. And whenever possible I try to call.
Author shy_actor Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 So we texted for nearly 3 hours last night and the count is up to 331!!! It's refreshing to find someone who smothers as much as I do... In all seriousness though, things are moving WAY fast. I already told her I'm not going online anymore. She told me she had another date since but he was way more into her than she was into him. Then she immediately changed the subject to a woman during our first date that told us that she looked like a Disney princess and we had obvious chemistry and made a really cute couple. She said that was "awesome and rare". She mentioned us being a "couple" again later. I felt like the conversation was moving towards exclusivity and we've only been on ONE DATE! Anyway, seeing her tonight. now my only fear is so much anticipation seems to have been created by both of us. I've never connected so deep and so fast with a complete stranger!
CryForNoOne Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Well it's obvious from what you wrote, she's way into you. Usually the guy needs to do all the pursuing but I don't see much here. Just be yourself and it should work out fine if you really like her. Don't dwell on all the little details.
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