londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Hi all, I'm a bit puzzled as to why this a girl that I met on OKCupid and just dated is not responding. The puzzled part comes from the fact that we had a great time laughing, joking, talking and kissing. This girl was so much fun and I was on my game at least I thought I was. I was confident, charming well dressed etc. Her body language the whole night was facing towards me, now again playing with her hair, and the kissing when we got to it was unreal. And we never had a moment of silence after the first 5 mins. I really started to feel attraction between us. A few times throughout the night I motioned to come closer and kiss me which she did. Towards the end of the night I said to here I wanted to show me her Ferret (as in her pet who she'd shown me pics of on her phone). We'd had a few cocktails by now too . I ask her if she was still sure later on after a very passionate kiss and she said "I promise next time" I laughed and said she didn't need to make promises it was cool and not to worry. We talk some more then we left I held her by the hips outside the bar kissed her and we talked more about cool ideas for our next date. Then we parted. So I'm really shocked she's now blanking me. I date a lot and most of the time it's Paint-by-numbers kind of thing. This time I was actually interested. I was trying to think of reasons why she may be doing this. 1: I may have screwed up the going back to her place line. Maybe asking twice wasn't a great idea or maybe I wasn't bold enough. 2: She feels like she's obligated herself to a high level of psychical intimacy for our next date even though she actually doesn't know me that well. 3: One time I told her to come over and kiss me she refused playing the "you come and kiss me instead" game. I refused at first saying "forget it" then turning and looking away but then I decided to move towards her and kiss her. 4: She said I was a "nice guy" a couple of times This has kind of shocked me because I can't work out why, and I really liked this girl. I feel like women punish you for showing any interest at sometimes. I don't normally think so much about being rejected I just move on. But this time I really want some answers. Anyway sorry for the long post guys but detail can be important. Thoughts?
clia Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 When was your date? When did you send the text and what did you say?
reaver Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Prob reasons 1 and 2. Any guy who wants to come to my place (expects sex) within the first date is instantly written off in my book no matter how much I like him. The fact that you did it 2 times would scare me off big time. Guys who do this are rarely seriously interested in you other than your lady parts. Thats just my opinion though. 2
dj572 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I can't say for sure and I'm sure others will ring in. I had a similar thing happen to me once. I met her on an online dating sight. First we IMed then talked on the phone and texted. Then we had the most incredible first date. We hit it off and the date ended up lasting for 6 hours. We came close to sleeping together and that was out of character for me. We stopped so we would not regret anything. I texted her the next day and no response. I tried for a couple of days with no response. I was confused and wondered what I did wrong. Finally she called me and said that it scared her how quickly we hit it off. She was recovering from a divorce after a 20 year marriage. She said I was too much like her ex husband used to be. I tried for a little while but I shut it down because I could tell it was going nowhere she just had too much baggage. In your case it could be similar but its hard to say just don't spend too much time and energy trying to figure it out. Give her some time and if you don't get anywhere just move on. Good luck.
Author londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 When was your date? When did you send the text and what did you say? A week ago. I texted her the morning after the date saying I had a good time. And joked that after a lot of thought I wouldn't mind seeing her again. And that I'd be in contact in a few days to see when she was free. I expected just a simple reply of "Me too, OK" or something but nothing.
clia Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 A week ago. I texted her the morning after the date saying I had a good time. And joked that after a lot of thought I wouldn't mind seeing her again. And that I'd be in contact in a few days to see when she was free. I expected just a simple reply of "Me too, OK" or something but nothing. Are you serious???? You didn't text anything that she had to respond to. You didn't ask her a question. Many people don't just text to text to text. You told her you would be in contact with her in a few days to set up a date. You didn't do that. Give me a break. *POUNDING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL* 6
CryForNoOne Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 A week ago. I texted her the morning after the date saying I had a good time. And joked that after a lot of thought I wouldn't mind seeing her again. And that I'd be in contact in a few days to see when she was free. I expected just a simple reply of "Me too, OK" or something but nothing. Yikes! It's over move on. The most likely reason is that you moved too quickly and now she thinks you just want sex. But being OLD, it could be a billion other things. She might have met someone else, she might be married or have a BF and was just testing the waters...
Author londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Prob reasons 1 and 2. Any guy who wants to come to my place (expects sex) within the first date is instantly written off in my book no matter how much I like him. The fact that you did it 2 times would scare me off big time. Guys who do this are rarely seriously interested in you other than your lady parts. Thats just my opinion though. Well I made clear to her that I wanted to get know her, I was very explicit about that before we parted. Plus you might want to give guys a little lee-way on that. We get told over and over if you don't make a move you're seen as meek and unattractive. If you're looking for a man who doesn't want to sleep with you on sight try dating Louie Spence .
Author londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Are you serious???? You didn't text anything that she had to respond to. You didn't ask her a question. Many people don't just text to text to text. You told her you would be in contact with her in a few days to set up a date. You didn't do that. Give me a break. *POUNDING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL* Come on it's basic manners. If a girl texted me the morning after a date I'd reply whatever she said. What I was basically doing was acknowledging my enjoyment of the first date and looking for confirmation of her interest in a second. This is basic give and take. No response from her = no interest. 1
Author londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 she may have been busy. give her a call, leave a message if she isn't it. you'll know for sure, but you're wasting a whole helluva lot of time asking strangers hypotheticals. I might I haven't decided yet. To be honest I don't like being ignored so I give girls very few opportunities to do so. I think you guys are being a little optimistic. Bottom line she should and would have got back to me if she was into me. "Hypotheticals" are never a waste of time it's all knowledge building. Anyway it's not like you're missing an international conference call. Unless CEOs like yourself take time out to come on LS.
clia Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Come on it's basic manners. If a girl texted me the morning after a date I'd reply whatever she said. What I was basically doing was acknowledging my enjoyment of the first date and looking for confirmation of her interest in a second. This is basic give and take. If I got a text from a guy that said he had a good time on our date and would be in touch in a few days to set up another date, I would not necessarily respond nor think that he was expecting a response. I would simply expect to hear from him in a few days. If you want a response to a text, ask a question that requires a response. Such as: "Do you want to have dinner on Friday?" "Would you like to go to the City Art Festival with me on Saturday afternoon?" "Can I call you tonight?" Etc.... This isn't rocket science. No response from her = no interest. I guess you'll never know. Why did you say you would be in touch with her if you weren't planning on getting in touch unless she responded to a text that required no response? Seriously, you have nothing to lose by contacting her and asking her out. If she isn't interested, then she won't respond. But if she is sitting there wondering why she never heard from you, then you just might score another date with her. 3
veggirl Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 You should have asked her out for a 2nd date at the end of the 1st. Since you didn't, why don't you call her now and ask her for a date, if she doesn't answer you can leave a VM with the date (specific day) and tell her to call back and if she doesn't call back then there's your answer. TBH if a guy asked me TWICE on a FIRST date to go back to my place, I'd assume all he wants is sex and be very turned off. I agree if she was into you she would have responded to that text. I would have because I'd have liked to keep convo going. You could still try for a 2nd date though, no harm in that. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Come on it's basic manners. If a girl texted me the morning after a date I'd reply whatever she said. What I was basically doing was acknowledging my enjoyment of the first date and looking for confirmation of her interest in a second. This is basic give and take. No response from her = no interest. So...since you "know" the answer already and are now educating us on the finer points of post-first date communication etiquette, why did you bother to post for input? At any rate, I agree with veg girl. Give her a call and try to set something up.
Gottabestrong Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 A week ago. I texted her the morning after the date saying I had a good time. And joked that after a lot of thought I wouldn't mind seeing her again. And that I'd be in contact in a few days to see when she was free. How did you phrase your message? If you said something like: "I had a good time. I'll text you in a few days to see if you are free." Then I would not reply either. Not because I wouldn't want to, but because I always feel when a guy says 'I'll call you later' or 'I'll text you in a few days.' that he is giving me his version of 'Don't call me, I'll call you.' I think you should contact her like you said you would. You got nothing to lose here. Maybe give her a call instead of sending a text this time.
reaver Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Well I made clear to her that I wanted to get know her, I was very explicit about that before we parted. Plus you might want to give guys a little lee-way on that. We get told over and over if you don't make a move you're seen as meek and unattractive. If you're looking for a man who doesn't want to sleep with you on sight try dating Louie Spence . There are plenty of men Ive met that dont want to sleep with a woman on the first date. If they did that theyd have several STD's by now. Sorry not everybody has the same exact attitude about casual sex as you and is willing to **** any semiattractive person they go on a date with. I have found men that try to sleep with me on the first date and say they are interested in me are just saying that to get in my pants. Why do guys interpret "make a move" as sex? Seriously OP? KISS her on the first date. Thats a move. Not making a move for sex on the first date will not cause women to lose interest in you. Thats one of the stupidest things Ive heard in a long time...sounds like an excuse for guys to get sex early.
Star Gazer Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Come on it's basic manners. If a girl texted me the morning after a date I'd reply whatever she said. What I was basically doing was acknowledging my enjoyment of the first date and looking for confirmation of her interest in a second. This is basic give and take. No response from her = no interest. Your options are: 1. Recognize that your text didn't call for a response, and you can't expect someone to behave just as you would in all situations; or, 2. Recognize you did something to turn her off and she was just pretending to be so into you throughout the date. Which would you rather believe?
Author londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 If I got a text from a guy that said he had a good time on our date and would be in touch in a few days to set up another date, I would not necessarily respond nor think that he was expecting a response. I would simply expect to hear from him in a few days. If you want a response to a text, ask a question that requires a response. Such as: "Do you want to have dinner on Friday?" "Would you like to go to the City Art Festival with me on Saturday afternoon?" "Can I call you tonight?" Etc.... This isn't rocket science. I guess you'll never know. Why did you say you would be in touch with her if you weren't planning on getting in touch unless she responded to a text that required no response? Seriously, you have nothing to lose by contacting her and asking her out. If she isn't interested, then she won't respond. But if she is sitting there wondering why she never heard from you, then you just might score another date with her. I just don't agree, no response = no interest. But I did ask for input and you given some so thanks. I'll ring her but to be honest she's not impressed me with this whole silence thing.
Author londonlad Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 There are plenty of men Ive met that dont want to sleep with a woman on the first date. If they did that theyd have several STD's by now. Sorry not everybody has the same exact attitude about casual sex as you and is willing to **** any semiattractive person they go on a date with. I have found men that try to sleep with me on the first date and say they are interested in me are just saying that to get in my pants. Why do guys interpret "make a move" as sex? Seriously OP? KISS her on the first date. Thats a move. Not making a move for sex on the first date will not cause women to lose interest in you. Thats one of the stupidest things Ive heard in a long time...sounds like an excuse for guys to get sex early. No what you've met is guys that are good at hiding it. And I was once the kind of guy who played by the rules and I got nowhere. I really don't mean to be rude but women awlays say they like nice guys and guys who wait etc but never actually sleep with those guys. Because they get the better end of the deal. They get a guy who wants them, takes them on dates and makes them feel attractive but they don't have to put out. Who wouldn't want that all the fun none of the risk. So yes I want sex sometimes, that does not make me emotionally void or mean I have no standards. I've taken enough girls out to really nice places spent hard earned wages on them only to get dropped to know that most of them just are not worth the time. And I come off worse feeling used, poorer and unattractive. But hey I'm man I don't have feelings, right? You know men like me get a lot stick for supposedly not "understanding" women. But women like you never get stick for not understanding men. Ride your high horse somewhere else, I'm not interested.
SJC2008 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 You we're too forward. I never seen the point of kissing on a first date and that never hurt me getting a second date. He'll I even tried kissing on the first date twice and both times I didn't get second dates. ALWAYS call after a first date! If they text back to your calls then you konw they are text heavy and don't have to call anymore.
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) No what you've met is guys that are good at hiding it. And I was once the kind of guy who played by the rules and I got nowhere. I really don't mean to be rude but women awlays say they like nice guys and guys who wait etc but never actually sleep with those guys. Because they get the better end of the deal. They get a guy who wants them, takes them on dates and makes them feel attractive but they don't have to put out. Who wouldn't want that all the fun none of the risk. So yes I want sex sometimes, that does not make me emotionally void or mean I have no standards. I've taken enough girls out to really nice places spent hard earned wages on them only to get dropped to know that most of them just are not worth the time. And I come off worse feeling used, poorer and unattractive. But hey I'm man I don't have feelings, right? You know men like me get a lot stick for supposedly not "understanding" women. But women like you never get stick for not understanding men. Ride your high horse somewhere else, I'm not interested. So tell me, why has every single guy Ive ever slept with been a "nice guy"? All the guys Ive slept with I dated for at least a month or two before we had sex. I wasnt stringing them along. 3 months ago I went on a date with a guy who is a model and I still didnt put out quickly either. He was insanely hot too Just because it doesnt work for you doesnt mean it doesnt work for others. Sorry, but Ive met several men who like sex and think its a turnoff when they sleep with a girl on the first date. Maybe broaden your mind a bit? There are all types of people. You must go for certain types of girls too. Nothing wrong with that. Edited April 10, 2013 by reaver
IT Geek Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Been there, done that more than once. Actually, pretty much every first date I've had from a dating site has gone this way. Seems like a good first date and then instant NC. I guess when they meet me I'm uglier than my pics and they decide they want nothing to do with me. Just chalk it up and move on.
crude Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Prob reasons 1 and 2. Any guy who wants to come to my place (expects sex) within the first date is instantly written off in my book no matter how much I like him. The fact that you did it 2 times would scare me off big time. Guys who do this are rarely seriously interested in you other than your lady parts. Thats just my opinion though. Other guys take the opposite tact. They have women to satisfy them now, so there's no hurry. They add you to the rotation slowly but surely, making you think they're great, respectful guys because they never pressured you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 If she was interested, she would have responded. You most likely came on too strong sexually. I would be put off by that and it would kill the attraction. Women generally need some time to warm up, especially to a complete stranger from OLD.
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Other guys take the opposite tact. They have women to satisfy them now, so there's no hurry. They add you to the rotation slowly but surely, making you think they're great, respectful guys because they never pressured you. And then you wonder why women post on this site that men are sex obsessed pigs...but hey, you said it, not me. Me personally, I drop any guy who is sleeping with multiple women like that in a split second. I actually did that 2 months ago.
Author londonlad Posted April 11, 2013 Author Posted April 11, 2013 If she was interested, she would have responded. You most likely came on too strong sexually. I would be put off by that and it would kill the attraction. Women generally need some time to warm up, especially to a complete stranger from OLD. Yeah a lot of people seem to agree however her OKCupid profile said answered yes to the question "would you consider sleeping with someone one the first date?". To be honest I'm super confused. I used to have problems being too nice to girls now I'm coming on "too strong" wtf? My mates all sleep with girls they've just met all the time. I'm not really into that It's just with this girl we were having so much fun I thought the sex would be good between us. What's really shaken me is that I really felt I was being myself. I find it really isolating that women only like me when I put on a persona so when I drop it and get rejected I feel quite bad. If I don't feel I was myself with girl I'm cool being rejected it doesn't bother me though. I also hate being ignored I'd rather be told that a girl is not into than be ignored. So the combination of these two things has left me a little sore. Plus I feel that I don't understand what exactly it is women want from me. I'm fun, funny, confident there's loads of great things about me but women are almost never into me.
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