curioustoknow Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 If someone you are dating/in a relationship with asked you specific questions about your sexual past, would you be comfortable answering them? As in...have you tried *sexual act* with an ex , have you *whatever*, how many people have you been with, have you ever tried this with a partner before etc etc..... If you weren't comfortable revealing things about your past encounters, would you play it down and make it seem like no big deal or lie about it, ever? as in, would you tell a white lie or a lie? especially if you felt the person asking you would judge you?
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 People do what people do. Past is past. If the person who asks is going to judge you, then they can go f*ck themselves (literally).
Fayebelle Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 IMHO- the only thing a new partner has a right to know about your sexual past is health related. Once you produce a clean bill of health- the ?'s should stop. Whether they would judge you or not- a person has the right to know if their health could be in danger. Other than that- they are just being nosy and I would tell them so.
tanbark813 Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I don't volunteer specific information but if my gf asked I'd just tell her. I wouldn't have a problem with it.
Merin Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Pap & Fayebelle, YOU ROCK! LOL Omg I have so been with someone who has a less than squeky clean past and *kicks self* has less than an honest present YET he has always insisted on not asking me questions more like interagating me endlessly about my past. I didn't have issue with telling him so much, as it became a problem with telling him over and over and over and over *Did I say and over?* again the same information. As Fayebelle said, I produced a clean bill of health to him but it wasn't enough, Good God it is never enough! I've answered all of his questions, yep even the ones I really didn't want to, and it has even been to the point where like Pap suggested I told him to go f*ck himself because I was tired of it feeling like I was in a chair in a dark room with a light swinging back and fourth over my head, know what i'm saying?! Presented with this B.S again in another relationship, I would let them know what both Pap and Fayebelle have said, first I am healthy, and second the past is the PAST and talking about it isn't going to change it. As long as you know you're doing the right things, you're good to go.
faux Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Originally posted by curioustoknow If someone you are dating/in a relationship with asked you specific questions about your sexual past, would you be comfortable answering them? Yes. When I am in a relationship with someone, there is a level of comfort. As in...have you tried *sexual act* with an ex , have you *whatever*, how many people have you been with, have you ever tried this with a partner before etc etc..... I would gladly answer such questions, but I would leave names of people out of my answers. I think it is fine to ask how many people your partner has been with, and what types of things you may have done sexually. Likewise, I feel it is just fine for you to ask the same information of your partner. Getting specific about exes, however, is something I disagree with. These types of questions allow two people in a relationship to gauge their collective experience, and to discover what sorts of things they can explore together, and what they are and are not comfortable with. The questions that should be asked by anyone intelligent would be what forms of contraception and safe guards were used, if there was any "risky" behavior in the past, and if the person is regularly tested. If you weren't comfortable revealing things about your past encounters, would you play it down and make it seem like no big deal or lie about it, ever? as in, would you tell a white lie or a lie? especially if you felt the person asking you would judge you? Lying is ALWAYS a bad idea. If you are in a relationship with someone, you are supposed to trust that person. Lying to that person is not a very good way to advertise your faith and trust in them, I think. If you are uncomfortable sharing something, it is always best to say that you are uncomfortable, and to explain why. You do not have to answer every question put to you, but you should not LIE about things that could profoundly effect your relationships.
YellowLioness Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 If someone you are dating/in a relationship with asked you specific questions about your sexual past, would you be comfortable answering them? It depends. If it seemed like it was a big deal to them, I'd answer them truthfully. But, then again, I wouldn't really want to be with someone who is so shallow. If they were just curious, I'd counter with, "Why does this matter to you?" Of course, they could just be asking you about your skill level in the sack. If you weren't comfortable revealing things about your past encounters, would you play it down and make it seem like no big deal or lie about it, ever? as in, would you tell a white lie or a lie? especially if you felt the person asking you would judge you? If I wasn't comfortable telling them, I'd say, "I don't feel comfortable telling you this." If they asked why, I'd say, "Because its my business, not yours. All you need to know is I'm clean." Most of the people I know who are uncomfortable about the ammount of sexual partners in their "mate" are virgins who are insecure because they know so little about sex. I don't particularly like virgins because they are so clingy. Lol. Ohhhh, that's another story alllll together...
curioustoknow Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 the guy i'm dating has freaked out over me keeping things from my past that were given to me by an ex and are sexual in nature (That mean nothing to me and that are basically being kept because i didn't know how to get rid of them discreetly). i suppose this freaked out was due to the the fact that he has me on this near-virginal pedestal (which i never asked for- in fact, i resent)..as well as having a resentment for things ive tried with ex's first , this somehow in his head equates to fact that they somehow "have won over him"......Then he asked me specific questions which i answered honestly. he freaked out..these weren't questions about amount of partners because my past is very straightforward and down the line. when i say freaked out i mean FREAKED OUT. wouldn't leave the issue alone..kept talking about it for hours over the phone, kept calling back, kept bringing it up out of context... so i've almost resorted to dumbing down information i give him or going on a big spiel about how it's not big deal or it was a one-off thing, just to avoid the stupidity he dishes out when he gets insecure.
billybadass36 Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Here's what I suggest. Be honest with him about your past, but tell him that sex with him is the most incredible thing you've ever experienced. Given the amount of other experiences that you've encountered he should feel pretty good about himself, and that should allay any insecurities that he might have. If a guy thinks that he's "the man" then the past won't bother him that much. What is most bothersome to guys is the fact that since their g.f. has been with a number of other partners, she has a lot to gauge him by. If he falls short of the top of the stack, then he's going to have a complex about it. A guy simply wants to be the best lover his g.f. has ever been with. Period. The more partners and the more experiences his g.f. has had decreases the likelihood that he is, in fact, the best. Just give him what he wants, i.e., reassurance that he's the best that you've ever had....even if he's not quite the best.
savethedrama4allama Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I totally agree with billybadass. The same is true for girls.
EIN Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I am very honest because I still havent done it. I just tell them I am a 22 yr old virgin and goin to 23 yr old virgin. Everyone just assumes I done it alot because of the way I carry myself but if they dont ask, I just let them assume but if confronted direct with that question, that is my response.
not yet Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 as far as sexual acts or positions, you don't even need to worry about answering. however, as far as how many people you've been with, that deserves to be answered. I broke up with my last girlfriend because she lied about it, we dated for like 2 years....Oh, there's other things to that story, but we won't get involved in that right now... I wouldn't touch a girl if she refused to answer after dating for a while, that means that i'd ask that question before we take the relationship to that level...
gd1039 Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 I think that as much as its your right to keep your life private, it is also your bf/gf right to know your past. Especially related to potential health issues or the lack thereof. Think about it this way, if you are not very experienced, chances are you would like to find someone on roughly the same level as you. So, what if the other person is way beyond your level. If finding someone on the same level with you is important enough to you, you might not want to still be with that person. So how can you get involved with something without knowing anything about it. But, if stuff like that isn't as important to you, then it shouldn't matter what has happened in the past. If you had something against drug addicts and your bf/gf used to be one, I think it is important for you to know. But, if you used to be one too, it becomes something that isn't as important. For anyone who says their partners sexual history isn't important to them, I can almost guarentee there is something else that IS important to them, whether it be a drug free lifestyle, or someone that doesn't smoke etc.
honey2005 Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 I don't think I would mind telling my boyfriend about my past sexual experiences (which I haven't had any of yet:p).
emra Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 You should not have to share your entire past with someone. If you have a clean bill of health that is what matters. There is a difference between sharing with someone you sexual history and if you are a drug addict. I am a recovering drug addict. I have been clean for 1 year today. Anyone in my life will always know that about me. No one has to go into full details about either. You can tell them what you are comfortable telling them. The only reason, a person will ask you tons of questions about your sex life, is insecurities. I have no problem sharing anything about my life. However, if it is someone asking the same thing over and over again, i refuse. It is all in what you are comfortable telling them.
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