McGriff Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 ...from less than two months ago. She was so in love with me. It's hard to believe what would happen less than 60 days later. What the hell? Now we haven't spoken in exactly two weeks, and honestly I don't know if we ever will again. It's amazing how things can change in a matter of hours or days. I just don't know how someone's feelings can change that quickly. There was no cheating (on my part), no fighting, it was just one day she was in love, the next she fell out of love and it's driving me ****ing crazy!! 1
KatZee Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Love isn't as fleeting as what you're describing. Love isn't so intense one day and then gone the next. If anything what she felt was infatuation and lust. People easily confuse those two with love. That's how you can tell the difference between the two. If you're able to turn it off like that, it was never love to begin with. 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 ...from less than two months ago. She was so in love with me. It's hard to believe what would happen less than 60 days later. What the hell? Now we haven't spoken in exactly two weeks, and honestly I don't know if we ever will again. It's amazing how things can change in a matter of hours or days. I just don't know how someone's feelings can change that quickly. There was no cheating (on my part), no fighting, it was just one day she was in love, the next she fell out of love and it's driving me ****ing crazy!! I totally feel your pain on this. Very hard to comprehend. Very hard indeed... First, stop looking at old anything. Delete it or put it in a drawer. I made this mistake once or twice too. I looked at some pics from when we were first dating and, oh man, all smiles, kissing and goooglie eyes. That was a MISTAKE. I was a wreck that whole day and the next. Won't do that again... Second, realize that even though this was sudden for us, they were thinking it for a while. I bet if you really think back, you will see signs and see where it start to fall apart. I know this is true for me. It's hard and painful, but I bet you will see it if you want to... Hang tough!!! We WILL make it! We WILL!!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Love isn't as fleeting as what you're describing. Love isn't so intense one day and then gone the next. If anything what she felt was infatuation and lust. People easily confuse those two with love. That's how you can tell the difference between the two. If you're able to turn it off like that, it was never love to begin with. ^^Also true. I have recently been wondering if she was ever really in love. Doubtful, now that I think about it!! Yes, there was the shine and excitement of being new. But then, it just started being routine, especially from her to me. Shared a lot of good and great times, but still, I just don't know. Probably should NOT have gotten engaged or moved to a small town together. Hard to see that while in the RS though. I know I was in love. Oh, well, I guess all I can do is learn and try to apply these lessons to the next go around
Mack05 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 (edited) I've been there McGriff. Let me give you my perspective from my experience and I hope you can see what I am trying to tell you. I have had two relationships where I truly loved my partner. The first one was eight years long. 6 out of the 8 years were very happy one's. We built our bond up slowly. Two dates a week for 6 months. Gave each other plenty of freedom and both of us had lives outside of the relationship. We waited for ages to get physical and close to 14 months before telling each other we loved each other. We were well past the honeymoon phase. It was a deep connection. We loved all of each other, good and bad. Hindsight is a great thing. We were never right for each other but because of the foundation we had, the bond and mutual respect our relationship lasted way longer then it should have. Until the last year, we both fought so hard even when the other was slipping away. We genuinely loved each other. The second one was totally different. It was a total whirlwind. The relationship started like a rollercoaster and continued at that pace throughout. I hated being apart from her. Even for a night. She was beautiful, sexy, funny and totally adored me, which I couldn't get over as I didn't like myself very much at the time. My low self esteem and insecurities ended up playing a huge role in the relationship break down. After less then 2 months we had done the I loved you's. After 4 months we decided to move in together, after 6 months it was over. Now for sure I loved her. I know that now. It was hard not to. But for her she fell out of love, quicker then she fell in love. The thing is, it wasn't love for her. She feel in love with the dream, the potential. Not the man. It's easy to think you are in love. I mean we couldn't sleep at night. We just wanted to talk, kiss, hug, make love, cuddle. As Katzee said that is infatuation. Not love. One week I was 'The One'. The next week it was "I love you but I love me more". When she made her mind up to leave she was ruthless. Where did the girl that adored me go? I like you couldn't understand it. I do now. I realise the word love is simply different for some people. Love for me is something that happens AFTER the honeymoon phase. Where you know everything about the other and love them even more then you did. Real love, the kind you fight for takes time to build. Too many people these days (and I have been one of them) have an amazing honeymoon period and convince themselves that they are in love. Yet how well do they really know the person that they are 'supposedly' in Love with? Try learn from this. In your next relationship build that bond slowly. I think you will find that the 'Love' lasts a hell of a lot longer.. Edited April 9, 2013 by Mack05 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I've been there McGriff. Let me give you my perspective from my experience and I hope you can see what I am trying to tell you. I have had two relationships where I truly loved my partner. The first one was eight years long. 6 out of the 8 years were very happy one's. We built our bond up slowly. Two dates a week for 6 months. Gave each other plenty of freedom and both of us had lives outside of the relationship. We waited for ages to get physical and close to 14 months before telling each other we loved each other. We were well past the honeymoon phase. It was a deep connection. We loved all of each other, good and bad. Hindsight is a great thing. We were never right for each other but because of the foundation we had, the bond and mutual respect our relationship lasted way longer then it should have. Until the last year, we both fought so hard even when the other was slipping away. We genuinely loved each other. The second one was totally different. It was a total whirlwind. The relationship started like a rollercoaster and continued at that pace throughout. I hated being apart from her. Even for a night. She was beautiful, sexy, funny and totally adored me, which I couldn't get over as I didn't like myself very much at the time. My low self esteem and insecurities ended up playing a huge role in the relationship break down. After less then 2 months we had done the I loved you's. After 4 months we decided to move in together, after 6 months it was over. Now for sure I loved her. I know that now. It was hard not to. But for her she fell out of love, quicker then she fell in love. The thing is, it wasn't love for her. She feel in love with the dream, the potential. Not the man. It's easy to think you are in love. I mean we couldn't sleep at night. We just wanted to talk, kiss, hug, make love, cuddle. As Katzee said that is infatuation. Not love. One week I was 'The One'. The next week it was "I love you but I love me more". When she made her mind up to leave she was ruthless. Where did the girl that adored me go? I like you couldn't understand it. I do now. I realise the word love is simply different for some people. Love for me is something that happens AFTER the honeymoon phase. Where you know everything about the other and love them even more then you did. Real love, the kind you fight for takes time to build. Too many people these days (and I have been one of them) have an amazing honeymoon period and convince themselves that they are in love. Yet how well do they really know the person that they are 'supposedly' in Love with? Try learn from this. In your next relationship build that bond slowly. I think you will find that the 'Love' lasts a hell of a lot longer.. ^^ Agreed. Just VERY hard to do when spinning in the whirlwind of the HP. Just like the second example you mentioned...You need be a strong man to keep a clear head during this. Obvisouly, I am not a strong man. LOL!! And when a hot potato starts showing us so much attention, our brains switch off. At least mine did. I will try to do better next time, but man it is tough. It's like they know exactly how to get us. Exactly what to say and do. Crafty devils
CompleteFailure Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 ...from less than two months ago. She was so in love with me. It's hard to believe what would happen less than 60 days later. What the hell? Now we haven't spoken in exactly two weeks, and honestly I don't know if we ever will again. It's amazing how things can change in a matter of hours or days. I just don't know how someone's feelings can change that quickly. There was no cheating (on my part), no fighting, it was just one day she was in love, the next she fell out of love and it's driving me ****ing crazy!! Its crazy that so many of us have different stories yet we all end up feeling or thinking the same things. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I didn't like myself very much at the time. My low self esteem and insecurities ended up playing a huge role in the relationship break down. She feel in love with the dream, the potential. Not the man. It's easy to think you are in love. Also, some women are really attracted to the idea of fixing or saving a man who feels like this. Maybe there was a little of that going on too?
westjames111 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 A few weeks ago i made the mistake of listening to some old voicemails from her. Of course the messages were really sweet and loving. She was saying all kinds of cute things in a really lovey soft voice. It made me feel terrible to know how she once felt for me and I felt like didnt appreciate it enough. It ruined the whole day and the next day for me after that. I was devastated once again. In the end though I have to remember all that she has done to me and the past 2 months and keep moving forward.
Author McGriff Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Mack and Katzee---you guys may be on to something here. This could be the answer...we were only together 5 months. But everything you say was true. We were inseparable. We couldn't stand to be apart. The love word was thrown around after about two months, like pizza slices in a highschool food fight. I know I definitely fell in love, but for her it was probably just infatuation and lust. That would explain ALOT. Because she was definitely gone as quickly as she came. That's pretty heartbreaking. But a revelation nonetheless. Time to start researching... 1
Mack05 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 (edited) Also, some women are really attracted to the idea of fixing or saving a man who feels like this. Maybe there was a little of that going on too? In fact it was the other way round. Me feeling she needed 'saving' and her saying 'go ***k yourself'. She was a great girl, but way too selfish to want to save anyone. When I was with her, I tried to put my issues to one side. Of course, I was in denial. We both had too many issues to make it work. Both had emotional gaps within ourselves, that neither of us could fill in a healthy way, within the other. My experience with women is I seem to gravitate to the selfish one's like bee's to honey. I have never had a girl buy me one present that actually meant something to me. That actually said she really knows me. It was always a shirt, a top, a watch or aftershave. Last year I decided to make some changes, as clearly the problem was me. I was going for the wrong kind of girls. I don't for one second believe that this was coincidence. Edited April 9, 2013 by Mack05
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 My experience with women is I seem to gravitate to the selfish one's like bee's to honey. I have never had a girl buy me one present that actually meant something to me. That actually said she really knows me. It was always a shirt, a top, a watch or aftershave. That's funny you mention selfish women. I seem to find these too. My most recent ex always liked to tell me how she would do anything for those she cared about, but would also only do surface level things for me. Now, her friends and family, they got the royal treatment. Not that she was mean or bad to me, just didn't go out of her way to please me. And in the bedroom, it was always about her needs and mine were not of any concern. Red flags!!!!
Mack05 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 My last ex was the type if you gave her ALOT, you would get a little back. Thankfully I figured her out pretty quickly, so I decided to give her just as little back. She lost interest pretty quickly :-)
IS IT Better late Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 McGriff as you know our stories are pretty similar and I too made the mistake of looking at things in the past. I still have emails from her as she was helping me with some stuff I need to get into a Masters degree program. She couldn't be helpful enough and was trying to press me to meet up with to go over some of the stuff she helped me with. That was back in October & November 6-weeks later in Jan she was making excuses to not see me? Every time we hung out we always had fun, she seemed so into me and then went cold in the mater of a few weeks. So confusing to me? I don't know if there's another dude but I guess there could be. We still have some limited contact via text and she's actually been a little warmer recently but makes no mention of getting together so I'm finally going to take the stand and go complete NC and see if that helps me move on. If she does contact me I will respond b/c I think it's childish to not. But I'm just trying to figure out how to stop thinking about all of our good memories! She's still constantly on my mind! I want her out!
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 My last ex was the type if you gave her ALOT, you would get a little back. Thankfully I figured her out pretty quickly, so I decided to give her just as little back. She lost interest pretty quickly :-) Yeah, I tried this too. But at that point I was in too deep (2 years or so) and it just backfired. She knew she had control and wasn't going to let me get away with it. My only choice would have been to walk away, and that wasn't happening... Looking back, it is exactly what I should have done But then I would just go crazy thinking I made a terrible mistake. I guess things had to go down as they did
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