My Story and a Thank You.

[DelusionalOne]

Wow, where do I start?

 

I’ve been lurking out here for the last couple of weeks.

 

My EA ended about 2 months ago with a D-Day on his part. He ended it with the usual excuses of “I am crushed by this and I’m only staying for the kids”. Although he has thrown out several breadcrumbs over the last several weeks , I have maintained a strict NC.

 

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve done the usual pining, praying, crying and hoping he would come back….until recently.

 

This forum has been a huge reality check…. Like a bucket of ice water in the face. The good, the bad and the ugly.

 

I would like to say that we entered our EA “accidentally” but I know we didn’t. We knew what we were doing. Although he wanted to…. I could never bring myself to the “next step”. I never let it turn into a PA. I haven’t so much as kissed him or held his hand. The EA was very intense. Declarations of deep love, soul mates and kindred spirits were said often. We said we were each other’s best friend. Again, we were not fooling ourselves into thinking we were “just friends”. We justified it to ourselves and each other by saying my husband had 2 EA’s (that I know about) over the last 4 years, and his wife had a PA 1 year prior to us meeting. Wrong…yes. But when you are looking for justification you will grasp at anything.

 

Somehow, I found my way to this site…. And I started reading all the stories. REALITY CHECK: WE were not special. WE did not have a connection like no other. OUR story is not different.

 

After reading all the stories out here…. No matter what delusion I was living under… I was in an impossible, no-win, crash and burn, hurtful situation. I am lucky to have escaped as unscathed as I have and I am beyond thankful that we never progressed to a PA.

 

Do I feel sorry for anyone involved in all this? No, not really. Not myself, not OM…we brought this on ourselves. My H and his W are hardly poor innocent victims in all this. Luckily, the kids are young enough to be blissfully ignorant of all this drama. It’s a messed up situation that never should have happened.

 

I’m glad I found this forum. It really opened my eyes to so much. The missing of the OM…. Well that is instantly gone-like a slap in the face! I guess if you take out the delusion of “special” and “different” and “meant to be”… there is really nothing to miss. There is so much running thru my mind that I now need to process.

 

Than you all for posting your stories and advice. It may not have been meant for me specifically, but it certainly hit home and made an impact.

[skywriter]

Wow, where do I start?

 

I’ve been lurking out here for the last couple of weeks.

 

My EA ended about 2 months ago with a D-Day on his part. He ended it with the usual excuses of “I am crushed by this and I’m only staying for the kids”. Although he has thrown out several breadcrumbs over the last several weeks , I have maintained a strict NC.

 

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve done the usual pining, praying, crying and hoping he would come back….until recently.

 

This forum has been a huge reality check…. Like a bucket of ice water in the face. The good, the bad and the ugly.

 

I would like to say that we entered our EA “accidentally” but I know we didn’t. We knew what we were doing. Although he wanted to…. I could never bring myself to the “next step”. I never let it turn into a PA. I haven’t so much as kissed him or held his hand. The EA was very intense. Declarations of deep love, soul mates and kindred spirits were said often. We said we were each other’s best friend. Again, we were not fooling ourselves into thinking we were “just friends”. We justified it to ourselves and each other by saying my husband had 2 EA’s (that I know about) over the last 4 years, and his wife had a PA 1 year prior to us meeting. Wrong…yes. But when you are looking for justification you will grasp at anything.

 

Somehow, I found my way to this site…. And I started reading all the stories. REALITY CHECK: WE were not special. WE did not have a connection like no other. OUR story is not different.

 

After reading all the stories out here…. No matter what delusion I was living under… I was in an impossible, no-win, crash and burn, hurtful situation. I am lucky to have escaped as unscathed as I have and I am beyond thankful that we never progressed to a PA.

 

Do I feel sorry for anyone involved in all this? No, not really. Not myself, not OM…we brought this on ourselves. My H and his W are hardly poor innocent victims in all this. Luckily, the kids are young enough to be blissfully ignorant of all this drama. It’s a messed up situation that never should have happened.

 

I’m glad I found this forum. It really opened my eyes to so much. The missing of the OM…. Well that is instantly gone-like a slap in the face! I guess if you take out the delusion of “special” and “different” and “meant to be”… there is really nothing to miss. There is so much running thru my mind that I now need to process.

 

Than you all for posting your stories and advice. It may not have been meant for me specifically, but it certainly hit home and made an impact.[/quote

 

Wow...Hi there DelusionalOne, and a very warm welcome to you.

 

Let me start by saying, you sound far from delusional dear.In fact, you seem very aware and realistic about your EA.

 

You said that the missing is instantly gone. You've had a couple of months out , however, did you m ention how long your EA went on?

 

My A was a PA, that lasted nearly 6 yrs.I've beenout of it and in NC for 11 months. If I could encourage to do anything, it would be to avoid making contact with this gentleman.

 

Contact only prolongs the healing process. You acknowledge your responsibilty in your EA and I believe this puts you in a position of healing, learning from what you've done and especially not repeating or continuing.

 

Just stay focused and go NC. Best of luck to you.

[where to start]

I’m glad I found this forum. It really opened my eyes to so much. The missing of the OM…. Well that is instantly gone-like a slap in the face! I guess if you take out the delusion of “special” and “different” and “meant to be”… there is really nothing to miss. There is so much running thru my mind that I now need to process.

 

Than you all for posting your stories and advice. It may not have been meant for me specifically, but it certainly hit home and made an impact.

 

I can appreciate everything that you are saying.

 

I think that at the end of the day...regardless of status (OM/OW, BS, WS, etc)...I see a common bond. We are/have been in love and that love has hurt us in ways we never thought imaginable. We've found ourselves here searching for answers, a little insight and understanding.

 

As a BS, I flip between this board and the one about Infidelity searching for answers and advice. The insight that some have is invaluable. I too am so grateful.

 

Best of luck as you heal. We're all in it together.

[DelusionalOne]

My EA went on for about a year. I tried to walk away a few times, but I was weak and got sucked back in by the breadcrumbs. This time I am not responding to any breadcrumbs at all. XMM is a smart guy... I'm sure he'll get the hint and give up with the breadcrumbs soon.

[sweet_pea]

Why is your H hardly innocent in all of this?

[DelusionalOne]

Why is your H hardly innocent in all of this?

 

Why should either of the spouses be considered innocent victims when they both have a history themselves? JMHO. Can't play the victim card if you are guilty of the same crime.

[sweet_pea]

Why should either of the spouses be considered innocent victims when they both have a history themselves? JMHO. Can't play the victim card if you are guilty of the same crime.

 

I guess I missed reading about your husband's past. Regardless, no one deserves to be cheated on.

[DelusionalOne]

I know it probably seems odd... In light of recent history... But I agree.

[natty moppet]

Wow, where do I start?

 

I’ve been lurking out here for the last couple of weeks.

 

My EA ended about 2 months ago with a D-Day on his part. He ended it with the usual excuses of “I am crushed by this and I’m only staying for the kids”. Although he has thrown out several breadcrumbs over the last several weeks , I have maintained a strict NC.

 

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve done the usual pining, praying, crying and hoping he would come back….until recently.

 

This forum has been a huge reality check…. Like a bucket of ice water in the face. The good, the bad and the ugly.

 

I would like to say that we entered our EA “accidentally” but I know we didn’t. We knew what we were doing. Although he wanted to…. I could never bring myself to the “next step”. I never let it turn into a PA. I haven’t so much as kissed him or held his hand. The EA was very intense. Declarations of deep love, soul mates and kindred spirits were said often. We said we were each other’s best friend. Again, we were not fooling ourselves into thinking we were “just friends”. We justified it to ourselves and each other by saying my husband had 2 EA’s (that I know about) over the last 4 years, and his wife had a PA 1 year prior to us meeting. Wrong…yes. But when you are looking for justification you will grasp at anything.

 

Somehow, I found my way to this site…. And I started reading all the stories. REALITY CHECK: WE were not special. WE did not have a connection like no other. OUR story is not different.

 

After reading all the stories out here…. No matter what delusion I was living under… I was in an impossible, no-win, crash and burn, hurtful situation. I am lucky to have escaped as unscathed as I have and I am beyond thankful that we never progressed to a PA.

 

Do I feel sorry for anyone involved in all this? No, not really. Not myself, not OM…we brought this on ourselves. My H and his W are hardly poor innocent victims in all this. Luckily, the kids are young enough to be blissfully ignorant of all this drama. It’s a messed up situation that never should have happened.

 

I’m glad I found this forum. It really opened my eyes to so much. The missing of the OM…. Well that is instantly gone-like a slap in the face! I guess if you take out the delusion of “special” and “different” and “meant to be”… there is really nothing to miss. There is so much running thru my mind that I now need to process.

 

Than you all for posting your stories and advice. It may not have been meant for me specifically, but it certainly hit home and made an impact.

 

Your story is my story except, not as intense, and I am still in LC. I really feel this forum helped me see the situation for what it is and helped me to back way off!!!

I am still tempted to try to control the destiny, and just get in, have some fun, and get out...but being here helps to remind me that I probably could not do that.

[anne1707]

Delusional

 

It seems to me that you need to make some decisions about your future and what you want and need.

 

How is your marriage doing? With both you and your husband having had EAs, it will have taken a battering but can it be saved? Do you want it to be saved?