anna121 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I haven't been in this situation, but basically I think you need to respect her wishes and not try to get her more comfortable, etc., in an effort to change her mind about what she says she wants. It doesn't matter that at first she was doing certain things with you. She doesn't want to now. Her lack of willingness is the ONLY thing that matters. As long as that is there, just love her and be with her and don't go pantless. If you can't deal with that, ok. But then you should end the rel-ship, not try to get her to change her mind.
Author Opto Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 I haven't been in this situation, but basically I think you need to respect her wishes and not try to get her more comfortable, etc., in an effort to change her mind about what she says she wants. It doesn't matter that at first she was doing certain things with you. She doesn't want to now. Her lack of willingness is the ONLY thing that matters. As long as that is there, just love her and be with her and don't go pantless. I agree anna. Is there anything you can think of that I can say or do that will make her more comfortable with this situation? She is a very beautiful girl and I have always told her that everyday since the day we started dating. I don't plan on approaching any conversations about this topic with her for a while, but is there anything else you can think of?
Noproblem Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 The difference between friends and lovers is intimacy and sex. I would hate to be married for the sake of having a friend/roommate and then having to find the basic human need of sex elsewhere because the need just doesn't go away. And let's face it, you probably know a lot of "amazing" people you are not attracted too, and like attraction sex is important. It doesn't make you any more shallow than if you did not want to marry that amazing 350lb guy or girl. I'm sure Oprah is amazing but I would never marry her. It's not shallow to have needs in a potential mate for life. Still you prefer to stay with a horrible person over the one you love just because of your urgent needs? Can't you wait for a little while?
ChessPieceFace Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) I would never break up with her over this You wouldn't? Why? Physical intimacy is important, and respecting your partner's needs is important. How would women respond to "I'm not spending a penny on you until marriage"? How would that be viewed? She sounds like a woman with serious issues regarding intimacy who is also distrustful of men. I know you imagine this problem is going to magically fix itself when you're married, but I just don't see that happening. The "why" is because that even though she's agreed to do certain things before marriage, she's not doing them, isn't interested in them and is even upset that you are interested in them. If it was just a question of religious dogma getting in the way, she would still be getting up to the line she agreed to. The fact that she has no interest indicates to me that you may be facing a terrible marriage to a woman who doesn't want to be physical with you. You need to seriously figure out what her deal is, because this is a huge problem. OP, the problem with this religious nonsense is that it puts sex on a pedestal and creates some weird notion that it is dirty and should be only performed for reproduction purposes. If you marry this girl, or any other girl who is uncomfortable with something so natural, you will have a very frustrated life. Sex is natural. It's not dirty. It's normal. It should not be on a pedestal. It is how you express love to another human being in a relationship. But why only in a relationship? If you're going on a witch hunt against morality you look hypocritical for having your own morality. Why not just screw anyone for any reason? If it feels good do it right? Anything else is dogma isn't it? Edited April 12, 2013 by ChessPieceFace
Author Opto Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 You need to seriously figure out what her deal is, because this is a huge problem. I agree it is a big problem. Right now the subject is taboo because it is so fresh. I hope to talk to her about it in the future, but for right now I'm going to respect her wishes. We still kiss and make out. Can you think of anything that would make her more comfortable talking about it?
MidwestUSA Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 A counselor. Won't be comfortable at first, but.... I'm going to guess she would shoot down the idea?
joystickd Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 End it with her. You cant even be honest with yourself. You want sex so find someone who will give you sex. Hell be a sidepiece for a married woman or a woman in a LTR. They will just hand you the P.
joystickd Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 But why only in a relationship? If you're going on a witch hunt against morality you look hypocritical for having your own morality. Why not just screw anyone for any reason? If it feels good do it right? Anything else is dogma isn't it? Yeah bang married people lol
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