chimom Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I'm 54 and just got broken up with after a 9 month relationship that was the nicest relationship I've ever been in. The reason for the breakup was a practical one. I won't get into exactly why the other party broke up with me (personal problems on their side) -- just trust me when I say it wasn't about feelings, attraction, common interests, sex or all the things that make a relationship sweet. I am grieving and mourning and sleeping too much and have no appetite (it was just a few days ago). I miss the other person so much. Yes, I know all the usual advice about giving it time, and I know that time heals when you miss someone -- but dammit I thought that maybe, maybe I was going to get to have something that seems to be a part of the human experience. (Have been married; spouse was unkind and the whole thing was riddled with problems from the beginning.) I would like to hear from other people my age, because the whole cheery advice that goes "Don't worry! You'll meet someone else! Blah blah blah!" isn't working for me. I went 54 years before I had this, and if this is only going to happen every 54 years, well, I guess I am screwed, and now that I've had a taste of it, I think I'm going to want it even more than before (wasn't really looking for a relationship; it just happened, and I felt so lucky). Your thoughts are welcome and if you have anything comforting to say I would so appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I'm with ya. I'm 41 and I agree that a lot of the content on here is from and aimed at people much younger than us But, it is still poignant. You will have to greive this loss before you can move on. It may take a while. It may suck. It may suck real bad. But I believe you, I and everyone can still be happy, fulfilled and in love at any age. I have to believe that!! Just give it some time... Oh, and rule #1 = NO CONTACT!!! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I'm sorry, chimom. I remember after my divorce, I felt that I would never meet anyone again. And I had to go through many years of dating and being dissappointed time after time and in some way that almost resigned me to the fact that I may never have the "norms" in life. Last year I met someone and it's coming to a year now that we have been together. I'm 42 and most likely will never have a child, and it seems that my yearning that started in my early thirties never came to fruition because my ex-husband was not invested and I never met the right partner until now. But still, too late. Took me about 10 years to get here, and while a child will never be for me, I am content with a good man. Some things happen for some and some don't. Sometimes it's not in the stars for us in that love never finds us. I can't tell you that we will all meet someone some day and live happily ever after because even my relationship, as great as it is, is not a guarantee. And I do believe while that void will be there, it won't be felt with such pain and grief. The wish and need to have someone will linger but not in a way that leaves you feeling defeated in life. Would you consider dating again? Why would you believe in such drastic ways in that you could possibly be waiting to feel love again in another 54 years? I have a girlfriend and at 55 is enjoying her life and meeting people through activity based meetups. She's also on online dating and seems to be enjoying the dating life. Link to post Share on other sites
McGriff Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 42 year old here, checking in to the "middle-aged club", although I don't really consider 42 to be middle aged. Hey, 42 is the new 32 right?! Anyways, you are not alone in your grief, and I'm sure you're not gonna have to wait 54 more years lol. Heal, keep your heart open to love, and I'm sure you'll be back in the love game quicker than you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderchild Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Well, I'm 50 and just coming out of a nightmare scenario. My ex of 5 years cheated on me and fell pregnant to the other guy. Totally unacceptable!! I don't care how desperate I might be for female company, but that is just beyond the Pale!! After 5 years I really thought we had something - I was gutted. But, cheating on your partner and having unprotected sex has its consequences. It showed her up for what she really was. Plus, she wasn't even prepared to acknowledge responsiblity for her actions. So, I dodged a bullet there. Maybe, there's someone out there for me again - I was married for 12 years until I lost my wife and son to a road accident back in 2002. And, maybe that's what made me vulnerable to my ex. I've been No Contact with her for over 7 weeks and I'm moving on - I'm losing weight, getting fitter, sorting out some medical issues, thinking about getting my teeth sorted out, getting out and about, meeting new people, taking up new activities (Ballroom Dancing tomorrow as well as the usual Pub Quiz). Life does go on - and, where there's life there's hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderchild Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I'm sorry, chimom. I remember after my divorce, I felt that I would never meet anyone again. And I had to go through many years of dating and being dissappointed time after time and in some way that almost resigned me to the fact that I may never have the "norms" in life. Last year I met someone and it's coming to a year now that we have been together. I'm 42 and most likely will never have a child, and it seems that my yearning that started in my early thirties never came to fruition because my ex-husband was not invested and I never met the right partner until now. But still, too late. Took me about 10 years to get here, and while a child will never be for me, I am content with a good man. Some things happen for some and some don't. Sometimes it's not in the stars for us in that love never finds us. I can't tell you that we will all meet someone some day and live happily ever after because even my relationship, as great as it is, is not a guarantee. And I do believe while that void will be there, it won't be felt with such pain and grief. The wish and need to have someone will linger but not in a way that leaves you feeling defeated in life. Would you consider dating again? Why would you believe in such drastic ways in that you could possibly be waiting to feel love again in another 54 years? I have a girlfriend and at 55 is enjoying her life and meeting people through activity based meetups. She's also on online dating and seems to be enjoying the dating life. 42 isn't too old for children. My ex got knocked up at a party and she's 44! Link to post Share on other sites
212dk Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 My story is quite similar.I'm 51 and was with her for 8 months but had the added dynamic of her being 21 years younger.We had the same interests and were very compatible or so i thought.She always said the age difference didn't matter to her but i was always self conscious of it to the point i felt not good enough for her.I had been alone for the better part of a decade,just casual dating but she came along and brought a joy i didn't think i'd find at my this point in my life.Well she got a new job in a male dominated field and soon the text and calls were less frequent and then being together 4-5 nights a week went to 1 or none.Then on valentines day she told me she couldn't give me any kind of commitment and she wasn't sure if i was any part of her future.So i told her i never wanted to be where i wasn't wanted gave her her key back and walked away completely shattered.I have stayed away with nc but i can't seem to gain any traction getting over her.I want to contact her so bad but after seeing the posts on this site i know better,plus i don't want to appear as a crazy needy old man to her.I believe and hope i still have my dignity in her eyes.As you said though i wonder if that kind of happiness will ever be a part of my life again and if past history is an indicator it doesn't look good.When your in the grip of despair no kind,cheery words help but the fact that this site is here does bring a small parcel of relief.I wanted you to know that there are others in our age group that our going through it with you Link to post Share on other sites
Author chimom Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Original poster here. Just got a very sweet text from the one who broke up with me. As noted, the breakup was due to practical reasons and not feelings. Could someone explain how "no contact" would work in this case? The text made me feel terrible and happy at the same time. I am feeling depressed and obsessive about the relationship. The breakup was less than a week ago. The idea of telling the person "no contact" feels unbearable at the moment. I am not ready to let it go but know that we aren't going to be together. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
SalientPoint Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 This is where NC also gets tricky. Basically unless you want to get back together with him and you also think that he's willing, you have to just tell him you can't talk to him or ignore his messages. Eventually they will stop, though it's painful. Link to post Share on other sites
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