Butchey Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Hello Everyone, I just wanted to get some thoughts on a subject of some personal controversy. Is love a feeling or a choice? When we enter a GF/BF relationship, one that includes romance, and it leads to love, do we make a decision to love or do we fall in love? When the relationship comes to an end it usually takes alot of decisions, but is the feeling of love absent?
mighty bop Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 This is a hard one because I'm sorta getting into a relationship myself and I am having feelings of love. I love being with this person. Is that love? I think about them a lot. Is that love? I would do anything for them (within reason). Is that love? How do I know if it's not some infatuation? I don't know if love is a choice because you can tell whether or not you really like the person rather soon, so the choice is rather made for you, so to speak. Chris
ICantStopLovinHim Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Is Love a feeling or a choice? that is a hard one what i think is it is a feeling and our heart does the choosing. I have been in love and i have loved someone. I love my b/f very much. I have respect for him and i admire him. I care about his feelings and i care what happens to him. I think I choose to love him. The MM i used to see that was LOVE capital L. I did not choose this, I did not go looking for him want him or decide to fall in love with him. If it were up to me i would just STOP loving him so no its not a choice because i did not choose to give my heart away to someone who can't receive it. I only choose to walk away heartbroken and hurt. I want my love back I want my heart whole so that I can give it to someone who can share it with me. I didnt choose this not at all.
werty Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 i think it is a feeling.. but its your choice if u wanna keep feeling it, or deny it... did it help?
BurningBright Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I think it is a choice, in the sense, that you can choose whether or not you act on the feeling. Although, I don't think you can choose whether you fall in love or not. It's just something that happens. I believe in some cases you personally do have to "open yourself up" to the feeling, but even with this.. the feeling must be there in order for you to need to "open up" to it. Also, if it was a choice... you would be able to feel that special feeling with EVERYONE... I know for the people I have loved, if the relationship has ended for some reason.. I will choose not to act on the feelings of love anymore, but the love will always be there in my heart. ~BurningBright
loveregardless Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 go completely beyond the ability of choice. love starts as a feeling, mostly an attraction, then a choice to pursue such things... but once you get in really deep, i don't think it's a choice at all anymore, if its really true and deep it becomes all consuming and moves well beyond being either a feeling or a choice, it becomes a religion, a lifestyle...it becomes you.
dyermaker Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Feelings are easy. They just happen. It's not just a choice, it's a series of choices.
Love2BLoved Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I think that it starts as a choice. You choose to see that person, you choose to allow that person in your heart. But eventually it becomes a feeling that you cannot choose to keep or let go. It sticks to you and there's not much you can do.
tiki Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Love has been a choice for me that I have made on my own. Not all relationships are healthy relationships. You choose to leave. You choose to no longer love.
Author Butchey Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 You choose to no longer love. My sentiments exactly. My ex told me "I love you just not that way" "I fell out of love with you". This took me a long time to understand. The fact that she was having an affair at the time clouded my mind. I am fairly traditional in my thinking and when I took the vow of marriage, it was forever. I was married 13 years (unlucky 13) and never thought about the big D. But I had to understand that she made the choice not to love me anymore. Sure I made mistakes, more than alot of divorced people, but I had made the decision not to bail on the marriage. Well, she made the decision to stop loving and I came to realize I had to make it too. So, Thanks to my friends and my therapist, I made the choice and put an end to it. I never loved her again. I am now in love with a wonderful woman and I have feelings of romance and joy. We also have our problems. But when she says to me "I will never leave you", I see she has made the choice to love me. Through thick and thin, good times and bad, sickness and health. I have made that choice too. We are not married but plan to in a few years. We have the same goals and the same dedication and when all is said and done, our choice will prove to be the right one. The second time around I won't make the same mistakes, I'll make new ones (haha). I just now know that before things go to far I have to step back and realize that I can make it better. It's my choice. I don't know why people cheat. But I do know why they don't.
moimeme Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I think that it starts as a choice. You choose to see that person, you choose to allow that person in your heart. But eventually it becomes a feeling that you cannot choose to keep or let go. It sticks to you and there's not much you can do. I agree completely. When you decide to allow someone into your heart, it's astonishing how completely they can move in and take up residence But later, as years pass, as Butchey points out, love often becomes a choice - to keep on through the difficulties or to quit. Ideally, you find a person who will always make the choice to keep on trying and to not give up on you or on love.
Cupcake Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love never ends. Therefore, it is a "verb" to describe your feelings and your actions. Could you imagine hating someone who has not done anything for or to you? Why would you love someone who hasn't do anything for or to you? Our feelings force us to love or hate. And feelings are based on actions and events. If I want to love or hate someone, I will find a reason to feel that way about them. So, you can chose who you love or hate. I guess my point is, to better understand the term love, think about the opposite term, hate. How often do we hear people say, they fell in hate with someone. Or that they just couldn't control the hate? Just something to think about !! ;-)
seahorse Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 My current bf, he'd kill me if he heard this, but at the start of this relationship, for me, I tried so hard to keep it just as a flirtation because I was just getting over a failed marriage, and I didn't WANT to love again, was far too scared to ever make myself that vulnerable again. My friends said what I needed was a flirtation, sex, whatever, and that's what it started as...however, by four months in, I knew I was in serious trouble, lol, and when he told me he loved me, was in love with me, I just crumbled... ...we're 13 months in now, and just as in love. So, ok, you choose to see someone, however, bit by bit, they can dig their way into your heart, and you find, somehow, you just can't prise them out again. lol.
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