Catteis Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I'm 22, turning 23 this summer. I'm graduating very soon with a degree in the medical field, I'm a solid 5 in the looks department, I have an ok body with large breasts, I'm funny, but I've never been with a guy. I've had 2 guys show interest in me...1 was my friend and he was my first kiss at 21 and things ended badly between us. He basically didn't have those feelings for me and we just made out and cuddled from time to time without putting a title on it. I've asked him if he wanted to move forward, and he said no. So yeah, I eventually moved on from that. 1 was a guy who was really into me, but he was the FIRST guy that has shown interest in me and actually took me out and tried to impress me, and I was very nervous and became really awkward and he kinda got scared off after 3 months. Other than that, I don't have any guys showing interest in me. I went to olive garden with my friend one time, and the waiter gave her his number and all I got was "you remind me so much of my sister". My friends are getting guys running after them from left to right, and I'm just sitting her being single as hell. Guys don't even hit on me. I was on the train one time, and this guy was really hitting on me, but he was drunk. I have guy friends and they all "adore" me, but I don't know. And the worst part is that the feeling is mutual. I'm not interested in a lot of guys. None of them give me butterflies. But, I'm going on 23 and I've never really had a date before. I don't want a lonely life. Why aren't guys showing interest in me? All types of girls have guys after them, but for some odd reason, none are attracted to me. 1
Els Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Some people have a larger pool of 'candidates' than others, either due to certain attributes they have or how easily they are attracted to others. Others have a smaller pool. But that's okay. Sometimes a smaller pool is better, because it inherently filters out people who would not be good for you in the long term anyway. I don't think it's healthy for you to compare how often you're being randomly hit on by guys compared to your friends. Does it really matter? Most random hit-ons have an extremely low chance of turning into LTRs. In my observation/experience, anyway. So, going based on your post alone, you have had one 3-month bf at 22. That really isn't too bad. Why are you saying you've never really had a date before when the guy took you out and tried to impress you? Is it because you didn't like him? How many guys have you been interested in, and how would you describe them? Basically, my thoughts are: Don't worry, you're only 22 and clearly not completely unattractive to all guys. You are unlikely to have much time for a relationship during residency anyway, so perhaps it might be best to focus on your career first in this case. 1
TigerCub Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I have a friend that went through the same thing you're going through. She just didn't have guys hitting on her, she tried being active and joining groups and all that but it never really worked out. BUT...it's not all hopeless. She kept at it, she kept developing her own interests and she kept doing her thing and she did meet guys through online dating and she hooked up with a few (not all of them were awesome) but she wasn't lonely and she had her fun. Then she tried eharmony and ended up meeting this super great guy and they've been together for ~3 years now and they're getting married this summer I'm not sure what it is exactly that's causing you not to have good luck with guys, but keep doing your thing, keep doing the things you like and put yourself out there more and see who you meet. You also mentioned that with the 2nd guy you got nervous and things turned weird after, so I guess you should figure out why you got all nervous and how you can avoid that next time - that's something to work on. Good luck 3
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I work in a hospital with tons of hot ladies. From reps to nurses to doctors, etc. Trust me...you won't be single if you work in a hospital. Guys simply love the hot chicks there. You do not sound bad looking...just try a bit and you'll be fine!
reaver Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Id suggest working on your looks. A 5 is not considered hot. You wont get serious interest from many men when you are surrounded by hotter women. My comment may sound shallow, but thats because men are shallow. Working on your personality is something you should always do but if you have a good personality without the looks your dating experiences will be minimal. Looks is what guys focus very much on. Its a larger part of their "pie chart" for what they look for in a dating partner so thats the best way to get more attention. 1
SteveC80 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 How bout some pics so we can see what were working with? Even if youre not great looking it just means that youll have to meet a guy through mutual friends where you can develop chemsitry with a guy thats usually how average looking people men and women meet
StanMusial Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I'm 22, turning 23 this summer. I'm graduating very soon with a degree in the medical field, I'm a solid 5 in the looks department, I have an ok body with large breasts, I'm funny, but I've never been with a guy. I've had 2 guys show interest in me...1 was my friend and he was my first kiss at 21 and things ended badly between us. He basically didn't have those feelings for me and we just made out and cuddled from time to time without putting a title on it. I've asked him if he wanted to move forward, and he said no. So yeah, I eventually moved on from that. 1 was a guy who was really into me, but he was the FIRST guy that has shown interest in me and actually took me out and tried to impress me, and I was very nervous and became really awkward and he kinda got scared off after 3 months. Other than that, I don't have any guys showing interest in me. I went to olive garden with my friend one time, and the waiter gave her his number and all I got was "you remind me so much of my sister". My friends are getting guys running after them from left to right, and I'm just sitting her being single as hell. Guys don't even hit on me. I was on the train one time, and this guy was really hitting on me, but he was drunk. I have guy friends and they all "adore" me, but I don't know. And the worst part is that the feeling is mutual. I'm not interested in a lot of guys. None of them give me butterflies. But, I'm going on 23 and I've never really had a date before. I don't want a lonely life. Why aren't guys showing interest in me? All types of girls have guys after them, but for some odd reason, none are attracted to me. This is confusing. It could be that some guys might be interested in you but can sense that you are not interested in them. You're not going to get a lot of guys hitting on you if you are putting out the "leave me alone" vibe. Do you have a specific type of guy that you like?
Giraffe1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 (edited) It feels like you are going to be stuck in this rut forever but I assure you, you won't. All it takes is one good-hearted, attractive man to cross paths with you and BAM! You will have to come out of your shell and meet men that's the only way to change this situation. Easier said than done, huh? Believe in yourself and do things to make you feel beautiful. Compliment yourself when you look in the mirror. Self-love is an important quality to possess and is universally attractive. And let me tell you, you aren't the only one in this position. I am 23 and I am still awkward as hell around guys i like and it makes me avoid going on dates So you aren't alone. Edited April 9, 2013 by Giraffe1 4
IT Geek Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I'm 45 and feel the same way. I'm about a 3 on the looks scale, so you're better off than me.
yessy21 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 you will be fine. im pretty sure, your not that bad looking. everyone is beautiful. maybe your not ready. your body will throw out signals when you find a potential mate. just wait till your career takes off and give it time. usually i believe that one doesnt really find their mate until later in life. maybe after 25.
Imported Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 OP, I walk into a room full of women and of the women that are attractive to me I see green lights and red lights. Green lights are the women that I notice.....noticing me. The ones that check me out, perked up a bit, return my smile, any number of small things that I do pickup on. I talk to her and she responds in a manner that tries to keep the conversation going. These are the women I will approach and see if anything develops. Red lights are the women that looks through me, gives me no ques, complete cold fish, looks angry. I talk to her and get the hebigeebees or she brings up some other dude. These are the women I avoid. You are probably a red light to all guys. It probably isn't just your looks. Some women just aren't worth the effort because for whatever reason, they don't even try to meet you halfway or do anything to encourage you. Hell, had women that I find out later that were really into me and their friends are pissed at me because I drop trying to get her and she cries to her friend. Never mind she puts up roadblocks every step of the way in my effort to even ask her out. What the **** logic is there in that. Not worth my trouble. 1
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I know plenty of guys who would date you. Nice guys, good looking guys, successful guys. You have to stop generalizing about the opposite sex and what we/they want, think or are looking for. When you do that you start to view everyone you meet through that prisim and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. And in case you missed it...I'm hitting on you. Nice guys might. Goodlooking guys and successful guys wont date a 5. They can do better lookswise and most of them wont settle for a 5. Not trying to be mean but I want this girl to have a reality check. 1
Els Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Nice guys might. Goodlooking guys and successful guys wont date a 5. They can do better lookswise and most of them wont settle for a 5. Not trying to be mean but I want this girl to have a reality check. Are you insinuating Fudge is neither good looking nor successful? *grabs popcorn* Seriously, OP, don't listen to the negative nancies. Most of them are frustrated with dating and bringing out their frustrations on you. I absolutely know doctors, male and female, who are pretty much average-looking (because not many people can afford to spend much time on their appearance when they work 80 hour weeks), and many of them have partners that they seem to be happy with. I'm guessing that you will find time to be the biggest impediment once you graduate. Good luck. 1
yessy21 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Nice guys might. Goodlooking guys and successful guys wont date a 5. They can do better lookswise and most of them wont settle for a 5. Not trying to be mean but I want this girl to have a reality check. we have to be able to see her interprentation of a 5. I mean a 5 to her could be an 8 to us. or a 5 to her could mean a 0 to us. we are all different 1
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Are you insinuating Fudge is neither good looking nor successful? *grabs popcorn* Seriously, OP, don't listen to the negative nancies. Most of them are frustrated with dating and bringing out their frustrations on you. I absolutely know doctors, male and female, who are pretty much average-looking (because not many people can afford to spend much time on their appearance when they work 80 hour weeks), and many of them have partners that they seem to be happy with. I'm guessing that you will find time to be the biggest impediment once you graduate. Good luck. Im not frustrated with dating. Why do people on this site call anyone who has an opinion different than their own a "negative nancy?" Most guys who are 7-10 in the looks department which I would consider to be "very good looking" will not date a girl who is a 5. I very rarely see men settle in terms of looks. Im not saying that this is right, but it is reality. Thats why I said "very good looking" men prob. wont commit to her. I didnt say NO man would. If people seriously think a very successful, hot guy would date a girl is a 5 on the looks scale (assuming she is actually a 5 and isnt underrating herself) Im sorry, you all are delusional. I wish the world wasnt this shallow but it is what it is. 1
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Once again a gross generalization. I know a lot of successful attractive guys who are not attracted to the overly done up, takes 3 hours to get ready, won't leave the house without makeup, dresses like a Kardashian kind of girl that would be considered a "10" by most standards. They prefer substance over style and find beauty in more natural looking girls. I work in an industry where part of my responsibilities include hiring models for video and stills. I have a steady stream of these bleached blonde, spray tanned, big perfect fake boobed girls paraded in front of me and they all look the same. They're all sexy and have no problem turning heads but they're like houses in a newly constructed neighborhood, all built the same with only slight cosmetic differences. No character, no originality. I'm not saying that they're boring people, many are very bright and well educated, they just look boring. Your 5 may very well be another man's 10. A 10 is not necessarily a Kim Kardashian. I dont think of a tan supermodel as a 10. Everyone is projecting their own version of beauty in this thread. If shes rating herself accurately though and most men would rate her as a 5 (and this is why this question cannot really be answered the right way and its all speculation) a very goodlooking guy is really not going to give her much thought unless she has a mindblowing personality.
Els Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Most guys who are 7-10 in the looks department which I would consider to be "very good looking" The OP has not said that she even wants these guys. Stop projecting. If she has said that she only desires male models, then I would agree with you. I wish the world wasnt this shallow but it is what it is. No, the world you choose to observe and interact with is.
StanMusial Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 The OP has not said that she even wants these guys. Stop projecting. If she has said that she only desires male models, then I would agree with you. She made some conflicting statements about what she wants. Shocker.
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 The OP has not said that she even wants these guys. Stop projecting. If she has said that she only desires male models, then I would agree with you. No, the world you choose to observe and interact with is. I never said the OP did...another responder did. No, you very rarely see 7-10 males with a 5 female. Please give me the coordinates to your universe where you see this on a daily basis. I would gladly like to join your nonshallow community, seriously.
reaver Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 You do realize that you're agreeing with me right? Just checking. Why do you think I bolded the statement where I said if she is really a 5 accurately (Which is impossible to know on the Internet)?
dbrown Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 There is nothing to lose heart. Believe in yourself. And you said that guy's show interest but you don’t feel the butterflies, it means those guys are not for you. Concentrate on your career, in the hospital you will find a perfect match for you. But when you find the one don't get nervous or shy to approach him first.
IT Geek Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Nice guys might. Goodlooking guys and successful guys wont date a 5. They can do better lookswise and most of them wont settle for a 5. Not trying to be mean but I want this girl to have a reality check. I'm successful and would date a 5 as long as she was genuine and had a good personality. Then again, I'm about a 3 so she probably wouldn't want to date me anyway.
Els Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 She made some conflicting statements about what she wants. Shocker. She provided no information about what she wants. Maybe ask her and wait for her to reply before extrapolating with your own assumptions? I never said the OP did...another responder did. No, you very rarely see 7-10 males with a 5 female. Please give me the coordinates to your universe where you see this on a daily basis. I would gladly like to join your nonshallow community, seriously. YOU pulled the 7-10 male thingy out of your hat. Neither the OP's post nor your first post that I responded to nor my response contained anything of the sort. Why on earth would you be bringing another responder's comments into this? Frankly I don't happen to rate people the way you do, so I'm afraid I cannot quote examples for you.
StanMusial Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) She provided no information about what she wants. Maybe ask her and wait for her to reply before extrapolating with your own assumptions? If you read the whole thread you would see I did inquire about what type of guy she goes for. She made conflicting and contradictory statements in her post. I didn't assume anything nor did I extrapolate. If she wants advice she needs to explain her situation better. Edited April 11, 2013 by StanMusial
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