nina.S. Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Hi everyone, I am new here on this forum...I am not even the type to spill my heart out online, but I don't know what to do anymore, how to fight this feeling I've been having lately. (Warning - this is going to be a long text, but I will appreciate very much if you read it) I've always imagined life like a puzzle, where every little piece is made up of happiness/luck in different areas of life. So, for example, my life now: things are good at school (I am 18 years old, finishing high school, by the way); the atmosphere at home is okay, too; my father has made a great success in business recently and that made me sooo proud, too; I have been admitted to my dream university and I was successful in persuading my parents to let me study what I wanted and where I wanted (this took me almost a year). So my dreams are coming true, I am in good health...and (it's so trivial, I know) I've just got an email saying I passed the highest English proficiency exam with flying colours - something I expected to be able to do in 5 more years! :-) (I am not a native speaker). But enough boasting - you see, the whole picture seems to be nice, the pieces of puzzle fit, don't they? Well, they don't. :-( I've somehow...always felt that I was more emotionally mature than most of my female peers (let alone male ones!). I also did not have much time to care about romantic love because I guess I've never missed it before. Until last summer, when I realized how much I loved my best guy friend of 8 years, who later turned out to be a gay...but it broke my heart sooo much. I got over it. And I found myself falling in love again in January. It is my classmate that I am interested in...we've just started having classes together and talking to each other, but I knew him before, since he is in the same year as me. He is such a gentleman, intelligent, kind...how he treats women and the way he respects them, and me...I thought that gyus like these were on the verge on extinction, really - until I got to know him a bit better and realized that he is just like that. But he is so unpredictable - one day we would talk for an hour and laugh and all that...and then he seems to be ignoring me...I think he isn't interested in a relationship with me. And that is why I feel that my pretty picture of happy, balanced life is missing one puzzle - love. Like...romantic love between a man and a woman. I know I am loved, by my family, friends, whatever...I've just never experienced what it feels like to be loved as a woman, to be loved by a man who loves you for who you are...and now I so much crave to experience this...to have a stable relationship with some potential for the future...I gave up on one night stands and flings - that was fun only until I realized how empty I felt each and every time, how much I wanted not just to sleep with a man, but wake up next to him in the morning...and now this classmate seems to be...I don't know...almost the right man I would love to be with...but he is so shy (as our mutual friend told me, he never flirts or makes a move..she told me he can love me deeply but still do nothing...confusing, huh?). And I don't want to be vulnerable by showing him how I feel and risk getting hurt so badly again... And the thing I want to ask you, dear forum members, is: HOW do I cope with this? How can I fight this feeling that love is missing in my life? How do I fight my desire to experience such love, just once in a lifetime? I feel so ready for a relationship, I feel like I have so much love to give...but there ain't no-one who would want it. I also know that I am very young to give up on love, but you can't just say to your heart: "Hey, I am too young, I still have to wait for someone special, so shut up!" I can't stop myself feeling that way, I can't stop wanting love...so basically, this tiny empty place where the puzzle "love" should fit just spoils all other happy feelings in me. That is why I ask you here on LoveShack "how can I cope?", hoping that there is someone who might tell me things that I can't see or know and give me advice... Thank you so much for reading and even more for any advice you can give me :-)
jakelongot Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I don't want to trivialize your post as you clearly put yourself out there for us, but you are only 18! You have so much more living in front of you...just going to college is going to be a game-changer. In high school it is really hard to grasp just how large and different the world is outside of your hometown, but it is. Here is my advice. Don't waste another minute regretting not finding love or worried that it won't happen to you. Don't go looking for it. Live each day to the fullest and open yourself to as many new people and experiences as possible. You will learn so much over the next 10 years that it is impossible to even wrap your mind around it. I also suggest not holding out for Mr. Right at such a young age. Be open to dating and casual relationships. Don't lock yourself up in a long term relationship because you are going to have so much personal growth over the next several years. You are a completely different person from 16-18, 18-23, 23-28, and beyond. You want to experience different things and different people to find out what you truly value. Trust me on this. I wish someone gave me this advice when I was your age.
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