MW93i Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Long story short... She broke it off with me due to not acting like a proper boyfriend to her, reason being I was under stress from University and was facing depression. She tells me she can't be with me. Anyhow, up until around a week ago we were NC for 3 weeks. During this time she had been seeing someone else and speaking to someone else (she tells me they haven't kissed or slept.. or any other actions). She starts to speak to me via Twitter and associates herself with me. Anyhow, we were both out on Saturday night and end up hooking up with each other, she tells me she misses and loves me and wants to work on things. Throughout the whole relationship this was the first time it felt like we truly "made love" so it was a very special night. I tell her I'd like to see her the following Tuesday she agrees and wants too. Anyhow things got pretty awkward in the morning but she tells me she didn't regret it but hopes it didn't give me false hope of us getting back together... weird right just after she said she wants to work on things. We didn't speak much after that night, today's Tuesday and I rang her this morning to see if she wants to still see and spend the day with me. She breaks down and tells me she doesn't want to see me as it's "too soon" but would still like to continue talking, I tell her no. I don't want to talk to her if she doesn't want to talk to me. She tells me that she hasn't got an "urge" to contact or speak to me she is just "normal" and moving on with her life. She then goes on to say she is over me but when I confront her about this she says she doesn't know what she feels but she feels its just too soon to work out our problems. She's giving off so many signals that she still wants me but is also saying things that she doesnt. I don't understand, does she want me to fight for her? does she want me to move on? does she want me to give her space and time to think? I don't know, I'm stuck.. and I need help.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 (edited) Dont torture yourself....Sounds like shes keeping you around till she finds someone else(hence the wishy-washy crap). Truth is if the other guy worked out, then you would have never heard from her. Youre in or youre out. And what the hell is wrong with these people that sleep with people they dump and have no intention of getting back with? When I read this stuff it drives me nuts!! And why, as the dumpee, would you bother giving her the satisfaction!! Sorry, man. I just dont get what these people are thinking. Its got to be one of the most cruel thiings you can do to a person.. I say get the F out...Before this one makes you nuts. TFOY Edited April 9, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 2
geegirl Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 You had a passionate night of lovemaking and then the next morning she says she hopes you didn't get your hopes up. If passionate lovemaking segues into don't get your hopes up, I would highly suggest you tuck tail and run. If that didn't stir her your way, she's not inclined to give you anything more than the push and pull. The thing is she is telling you she is not interested. Pay attention to that. Stop focusing on the BUTs. There is a reason why dumpers keep dumpees on a leash. Besides, she's engaging with another man. Why would you stick around risking the possibility that things may progress with them, and then suffering the hurt of her dumping you all over again? She will let go of her crutch once she finds balance elsewhere. If someone wants you, they will show you and they will tell you. There are no ifs, buts, maybes, I don't know, etc. It's pretty simple. 2
Author MW93i Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Dont torture yourself....Sounds like shes keeping you around till she finds someone else(hence the wishy-washy crap). Truth is if the other guy worked out, then you would have never heard from her. Youre in or youre out. And what the hell is wrong with these people that sleep with people they dump and have no intention of getting back with? When I read this stuff it drives me nuts!! And why, as the dumpee, would you bother giving her the satisfaction!! Sorry, man. I just dont get what these people are thinking. Its got to be one of the most cruel thiings you can do to a person.. I say get the F out...Before this one makes you nuts. TFOY Thanks for the advice, the breakup it's self hasn't been too bad on me I've just been getting on with things and improving my life but I still feel this girl is a part of it that I want. I know deep down we're wrong for each other, but we're also right in so many ways. She tells me it was nice feeling wanted by this other guy something I hadn't been doing. I think it's pretty clear I still want her in my life so I don't know why she didn't feel wanted. I don't know, I need a few weeks to clear my head.
Author MW93i Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 You had a passionate night of lovemaking and then the next morning she says she hopes you didn't get your hopes up. If passionate lovemaking segues into don't get your hopes up, I would highly suggest you tuck tail and run. If that didn't stir her your way, she's not inclined to give you anything more than the push and pull. The thing is she is telling you she is not interested. Pay attention to that. Stop focusing on the BUTs. There is a reason why dumpers keep dumpees on a leash. Besides, she's engaging with another man. Why would you stick around risking the possibility that things may progress with them, and then suffering the hurt of her dumping you all over again? She will let go of her crutch once she finds balance elsewhere. If someone wants you, they will show you and they will tell you. There are no ifs, buts, maybes, I don't know, etc. It's pretty simple. I think I'm going to do exactly that, I need to keep to myself and not allow her to have the say in my life just because I want her to be there. The crazy thing is.. I'd still take her back even if she had got with this other man, I don't know why I guess I'm just crazy about her with a slight of stupidness. Well he's not even a man, he's a horrible person and she's stupid for even being interested.
geegirl Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I think I'm going to do exactly that, I need to keep to myself and not allow her to have the say in my life just because I want her to be there. The crazy thing is.. I'd still take her back even if she had got with this other man, I don't know why I guess I'm just crazy about her with a slight of stupidness. Well he's not even a man, he's a horrible person and she's stupid for even being interested. You're not crazy but emotionally crippled by her. The thing is, if you were looking from the outside and your brother or friend were to express this situation, you would most likely tell them to run. So, until you're able to at least step back and rationalize rather than feed your emotions and blindly wallow in them, you'll keep doing whatever it takes to hold on to her, new man or not. In making that statement, that you would be with her even if she was with the new man, what about your emotional and mental state allows YOU to treat yourself so poorly? If a man treated me as an option, I would walk away. Why would you stoop to such levels?
Coping Vortex Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Long story short... She broke it off with me due to not acting like a proper boyfriend to her, reason being I was under stress from University and was facing depression. She tells me she can't be with me. Anyhow, up until around a week ago we were NC for 3 weeks. During this time she had been seeing someone else and speaking to someone else (she tells me they haven't kissed or slept.. or any other actions). She starts to speak to me via Twitter and associates herself with me. Anyhow, we were both out on Saturday night and end up hooking up with each other, she tells me she misses and loves me and wants to work on things. Throughout the whole relationship this was the first time it felt like we truly "made love" so it was a very special night. I tell her I'd like to see her the following Tuesday she agrees and wants too. Anyhow things got pretty awkward in the morning but she tells me she didn't regret it but hopes it didn't give me false hope of us getting back together... weird right just after she said she wants to work on things. We didn't speak much after that night, today's Tuesday and I rang her this morning to see if she wants to still see and spend the day with me. She breaks down and tells me she doesn't want to see me as it's "too soon" but would still like to continue talking, I tell her no. I don't want to talk to her if she doesn't want to talk to me. She tells me that she hasn't got an "urge" to contact or speak to me she is just "normal" and moving on with her life. She then goes on to say she is over me but when I confront her about this she says she doesn't know what she feels but she feels its just too soon to work out our problems. She's giving off so many signals that she still wants me but is also saying things that she doesnt. I don't understand, does she want me to fight for her? does she want me to move on? does she want me to give her space and time to think? I don't know, I'm stuck.. and I need help. My ex and I hooked up twice for sex at the same 1 1/2 and 2 month marks in similar fashion. Each time she said the same things to me the next day. "I don't want to continue a relationship with you" Who knows why this is or why it happens especially at that time frame. Trust me if she didn't decide then and there to get back with you right then and there then she won't come back. Sure she will check in and maybe see you again and definitely communicate but don't take this as getting her back. I think it was Cav99 who coined it as a "look back". I was fooled. And trust me my ex was all over over me kissing me and holding me tighter than she ever had. Almost like they are saying goodbye not I want you back. Just be prepared that this is a letting go not a getting back together. Maybe it s woman thing not sure. Maybe a woman can chime in and make sense on why they do this. 1
HuffmanMontana Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Like someone said. You're either in or you're out. Stop wasting your own time... If you want her--suck it up, sit her down and tell her. If she's not willing to work it out. Move on, ignore her calls and texts--they will come. She will find stupid reasons to contact you and eventually accuse you of being selfish or an ******* but you keep ignoring and living your life. Maybe after a year you can reconnect but odds are slim. Odds are good you find a better match and you now have a little more knowledge in what it takes to be successful.
Author MW93i Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Thank you all for your advice, you've all made more sense in my head. It's pretty clear now she isn't interested in me and she's moving on. I won't contact her again, unless it's for my things which I will get back sometime over the next two weeks when I return home. Broken heart sucks. Thanks everyone.
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