ehlaan Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Hello, This question has probably been asked loads of times, but I just thought I'd provide some details on the situation I'm in so that you can tell me what you think, because I honestly don't know what to think.. So, basically, there's this amazing girl I'm interested in. I've kind of liked her for a bit, but didn't do anything about it because I was afraid it would get weird and we had to see each other quite a lot at that point so I wasn't a good idea. I wouldn't say that we were friends yet? My fault though, I'm not really good with people in groups so unless it's one-on-one first it's hard (a terrible thing I'm working on). We'd talk once in awhile and get along, and have to work together sometimes, but that's all. But a month ago she left home to go abroad for an exchange programme and I felt like I had to say something. So, I wrote her a poem and gave it to her with a gift at the airport. It told her how I feel and that I was hoping for a shot eventually. Then came the wait. Anyway, after a few days she texted me and asked me to add her on skype. I expected that we'd have some talk about it and she either say yes, or no, and that'd be it. But we ended up chatting about random stuff and avoiding the subject of us entirely. This has continued periodically over the month. More recently, there was a musical that we both wanted to see coming up (she'd be back right before then--4 months?) and I asked her if she "wanted to come with" (yes, in those words). She agreed but then asked if I knew anyone else who wanted to go and ended up inviting a mutual friend who couldn't make it in the end. We're still going together though, just us. But now, I realise by not asking her out on a date explicitly, I've driven myself into a rut? I have no idea whether it constitutes a real date or if we're just friends hanging out. And it would probably really affect things I'd plan. Should I bring flowers? Pay for dinner, the tickets? Both? Should I offer to walk her home? Etc. I don't know if asking at this point would be weird considering that she's been avoiding any explicit mention of how she feels about what I feel and where we are right now. What do you think? Ehlaan Additional info (extra stuff that's probably relevant that doesn't fit into the story nicely): 1. After the first time she asked me to add her on Skype she's never contacted me first (I seem to be doing all the work), but she responds well and all that. 2. We never video call oddly enough. There was once we used google-hangout (her girlfriends plus me) and it was really weird. So, I haven't tried moving to video or voice calls yet. 3. Her girlfriends came to find me because she told them what happened with the poem and stuff. They said that she's really touched by the gesture, but feels like she doesn't know me well enough (or at all). They're pretty impressed too, which I'm assuming is a good thing.
Toddbt12y1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 For now you two are friends and going out as friends. An indicator of this, is her friends confirming that she does not know you well enough yet. Another indicator is her dodging anything that deals with you two, on a more deeper level. Another indicator is her wanting other people to go out to this musical with you two. You are friendzoned for now. Hints that this can be reversed are there; she liked your poem, according to her friends. She adds you to Skype and is initiating conversations with you. Thus, it is possible for you to get out of the friendzone, all in time. For now, bear'n-grunt through the friend phase. It is too late to call this a date or ask her to make this into a date. Right now, I do not see anyway for you to make this into a date. She agreed to go as a friend; as right now, she feels like she needs to get to know you better. Try going out as friends for a while. Then ask her out on a date. With that said: a date is when two people agree to go out together as a date; she hasn't yet agreed to that. Do not be hopeless about it. There is still a chance for you. Looks like it would be an LDR if it developed. We needn't get into that...until you arrive there.
CryForNoOne Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Frankly your situation doesn't sound all that bad. At some level she is interested if she stays in touch and her friends are talking about you. Perhaps she really doesn't feel that comfortable yet because she doesn't know you. This seems like a "tweener" date. Maybe it is maybe it isn't... So I'd say: no on flowers or any gifts - that would be totally awkward if it's really not a date at all. definitely pay for tickets - I'd probably do this if she were just a friend anyway since you invited her. dinner - has it already been agreed you're going to dinner and where? If so, I'd probably treat as well, though if it's a bit much financially for you, it's fine to split the bill if you are already covering the tickets. My general advice is play it by ear. It might not be a date, but don't assume it IS or ISN'T. Sometimes it starts off as not a date in her mind but it totally becomes one before the night is over. That's happened before. Your best best is to be relaxed and natural and don't over think things or have any expectations...
hppr Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 It's not a date until the penis makes its first appearance. Pretty much. Until then you're just friends.
Aerrie Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 NEXT DUDE, NEXT HER ! Not only are you friend-zoned, but in the slightest chance of something coming out of it, you would find yourself in a long distance relationship, which DO NOT WORK ! I mean all talk and no sex, everyone knows that eventually fails. Hell, even the show How I met Your Mother teaches teenagers that nowadays. You have already put way too much energy into this. Remember, if dating does not flow naturally, it is not right.
Author ehlaan Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Hi guys, Thanks so much for the responses. Yep, Im starting to think that it isn't a date either. Anyway, just some clarifications: We're not Tweens. Haha, we're both 22 in a few months. Maybe it sounds that way cos well, to be honest, I've never been in a relationship, and neither has she. I don't quite know what you'll make of that. Also, perhaps I wasn't clear, but no LDR is happening. She's only gonna be away for another 4 months or so, after which, she'll be right back here. The musical happens after she gets back... So, if anything happens it'll be after that. I don't know if planning something so far in advance was a bad idea? Anyway, she insists on paying for her ticket (which seems like a bad sign?) but I'm paying for dinner. Lastly, I just found out from her friends that, in the past, with other guys, if she didn't know them well enough, she'd just reject them outright. I figure since she hasn't done that with me... I might have a shot! Though, I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up. What would you guys think about a second poem.. Like a welcome back, I'm glad you're back kinda thing? Sweet or creepy? Haha Ehlaan
Aerrie Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Do not do any more poems dude. The nice guys who write poems are never the ones who get the girl in real life. You need to be confident, driven, push and pull, be interesting yet mysterious, get her interested etc... The guy who writes poems is the one who gets the "Aww that is so nice..." inb4 she goes and dates another guy.
runner Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 technically it is a 'date' either way. the real question is whether this is just a friendly hang-out, or an outing with a romantic prospect. in your case, at the moment it sounds like the former. but, depending on how you show up (ie, man-up so to speak), you can turn this into the latter. if not this time then maybe next time. keep it fun.
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