Kaiten Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Ive been told that women want financial security more than anything by people that i know. I have also seen marriages that dont work out between couples that were doing very well financially. So if a woman is content in that their marriage has financial security, how can a marriage fall through? I have read in other places that emotional security is a woman's primary need. And that she will risk some of the financial security if it means more emotional security. Is it true that a woman wants to feel loved and cherished by her husband more than anything else? Or is it that she wants to be ready for retirement at a decent age? Which one do you prefer and why? 1
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I dont know how I could ever spend the entirety of my life with a man if he was emotionally shut off, no matter what amount of money he made. I would rather be single because I can be that lonely alone. I also have the ability to secure my own financial future. I can take care of myself, and give myself all the things I want without a man. Knowing that I want my husband and dont need my husband is completely liberating. I havent always felt that way (when we moved out and I was going to school, I was very dependent on him which caused issues.) The connection between us is what I truly love and although financial stability is important (when I think of being sick, or having children) it is certainly not everything. I need the emotional, mental and physical stuff too, probably more than I need financial support. My H does not support me financially, but can when we need him to. Financial stability and support is important, BUT you couldnt pay me to be with a man who was emotional withdrawn throughout our marriage. I dont even think it is so much financial stability as much as the same drive and being on the same path, wanting the same things. There is NO amount of financial stability that will make me stay if he is not there and plugged in. 1
Nyla Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 All the love and security in the world cannot buy houses, cars or dates. My husband and I have a very loving marriage, but we do not have the financial security I thought I would have when I married. I can take care of myself but when I have a man in my life, I expect him to be able to afford a certain standard of living. I can be broke alone. The other wives around me were smart enough to marry men who could help pay for nice weddings and home ownership. I married purely for love and though I cherish my husband, sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision. It makes me sad when other women say they pity me because we live in an apartment. 1
Silly_Girl Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Emotional all the way. I've been broke and fairly well positioned financially, in the same awful relationship, and our financial position did not factor at all. In fact, in a bad relationship having some money gave us more to disagree about! It helps that I can support myself and my family, and a good work ethic in a partner is a must, but financial security is not near the top of my list. 1
analystfromhell Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 The choice is more a matter of generation, upbringing and class than gender I think. My brother's wife is the breadwinner, my SO and I each support ourselves (and each other) but first of all we each do our best to meet our own financial needs and provide emotional support to the extent we can. If women have skills and options there is no need to sacrifice anything or be dependent on a man for money- this literally makes me sick to my stomach. We shouldn't hold a person's circumstances against them of course. However, if a women puts herself, through her own decisions in a position of dependence financial or emotionally, what is their partner getting out the relationship? If a man prefers partners who have a deliberate dependence on them- financially or emotionally, that sounds an unhealthy relationship. I've raised my daughter to be very independent as it sickens me to think of a woman entering a relationship based on financial or emotional dependence. By the same token, I've encouraged my son to look at women in the sciences and business who are independent and smart and view with suspicion women who seem interested in his background, job or family status. It seems the relationship between the sexes in the US has lost ground in the 20-30 somethings I know- hopefully the next generation will bring back the independence but mutual support model which I think is healthier for everyone.
january2011 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 In my experience, financial security usually means that at least one person in the relationship is highly work/career-focused and doesn't have time/energy to invest in the relationship. They spend most of their downtime trying not to think about work or bringing their work home with them. That is, financial security equals poor work/life balance. Then throw kids into the mix and you're heading for affairs, mid-life crisis and divorce. Thus, I'd rather be with someone who has time for me and us --> emotional security. 2
LovelyLife Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 We both married with a great deal of individual assets. Not completely financially independent - but high earners with considerable net worth. Neither of us married for money . . . we married for love. A huge component of that is emotional intimacy (or security). And we joke that we might be 'too honest' with each other. But for me? As a woman? He is my soft place to land. I can tell my husband anything and know that I am still loved. That's worth more than a billion dollars. 2
Author Kaiten Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Nyla thank you so much for your honesty. Its an eye opener for sure. 1
Author Kaiten Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 And ladies, all of you! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I appreciate it a lot, especially how you all went in depth about certain things. Its making the difference in this old man's life
tbf Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 I have read in other places that emotional security is a woman's primary need. And that she will risk some of the financial security if it means more emotional security. Is it true that a woman wants to feel loved and cherished by her husband more than anything else?This is a no-brainer. Financial security doesn't even come close to emotional security on the priority scale. Or is it that she wants to be ready for retirement at a decent age?This fails to take into account that women are fully capable of being financially secure without a partner. Which one do you prefer and why?When it comes to marriage, emotional security comes first where financial security is something the two of you work towards, since both can bring home the bacon. 5
Author Kaiten Posted April 13, 2013 Author Posted April 13, 2013 Haha well said! Although the first one is not a no-brainer to us guys! Ive met some shallow girls in my time. None of them i have been attracted to, but just what i have seen as they pick my friends off like money-snipers. And then they get married, but i can tell you just from looking i dont envy my married friends at all. Not the ones that dont have fun together and play together 1
Lauriebell82 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 From my own experience I know that financial security causes less arguments, therefore helping emotional security and overall marital satisfaction. My husband and I have always been very fianancially secure and never fought over finances. Then when I quit my full time job to stay home with our son we made the mistake of not cutting back enough and we blew through our savings. We argued a lot more about it then we ever have. Now that I'm working again the fights have stopped. So while I feel that emotional security is important, financially security is as well.
adelia Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 A hard question. For myself I'd say emotional. You can work on making more money but if your SO doesn't feel inclined to treat you well or make you feel like you're valued by him no amount of money can soften that. Money can pacifie but it can not replace love and happiness. Take a look at those reality housewife shows where there are marriages just built on money eventually they fall apart. No one is immune. When Love and emotional security is lacking foundations crumble. Yup emotional security is far more important imo
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 People generally need more than just one thing for a relationship to thrive. Ever considered that a balance of both is best? Not interested in a millionaire who comes home, shags me, and goes out for a smoke... or an unemployed dude who professes to love me but dropped out of school and spends all day in his mom's basement playing video games. Balance in all things. 2
MissBee Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Ive been told that women want financial security more than anything by people that i know. I have also seen marriages that dont work out between couples that were doing very well financially. So if a woman is content in that their marriage has financial security, how can a marriage fall through? I have read in other places that emotional security is a woman's primary need. And that she will risk some of the financial security if it means more emotional security. Is it true that a woman wants to feel loved and cherished by her husband more than anything else? Or is it that she wants to be ready for retirement at a decent age? Which one do you prefer and why? Emotional security is paramount for me personally. When I think of marriage I never think of it as a means to gain financial security. I have my own money and will continue to make my own money and will be able to secure my own financial future, so I don't worry about that in the context of relationships. I would of course like a partner with whom I'm compatible financially and who can support himself and where together we can have even more financial abundance. But I have always imagined that if my marriage didn't work out, I'd be able to separate and still support myself and have a nice life. That said, my focus is on emotional security: feeling cherished, adored, loved, respected, knowing this person is my partner in everything and will always be there for me, through ups, downs, good and bad and will be my bestfriend, companion and lover. Those are the things I value and think about re: marriage .
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I am financially secure, alone. If I had another income to rely on, it would just be gravy. Fun gravy, but gravy nonetheless. Emotional security is a culmination of all of *the most* important thing in a relationship to me. It's made up of all of the most important relationship qualities: open communication, trust, understanding, support, unwavering commitment, etc. Without it, a relationship is...nothing. 2
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