polycube Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I just got the boot from a Long term 5 year living together relationship. we both moved from the east coast to the west coast so i could study and change my careers, i am completely obsessed with my work. I guess she gave me all the warnings but i was too much of a workaholic to take notice and i never thought she wouldnt actually leave. well she told me she wanted out of the relationship. I know she loves me alot and she is a great person. the thing that confuses me is that she says she wants to move on and that we are not for each other. but we get along perfectly we dont fight, we have the same exact sense of humor everything but she still wants to leave. well when i helped her drop off all her stuff (to her new apartment) she started crying when i was driving away and told me that this could not be the end of us, not like this, and that she would prove to it to me. She has called me every day 2 times a day to tell me she misses me and even once to tell me she rushed into the breakup and that she wants to see me, wants to go eat dinner and work to see what comes out of us two being apart. Well today she came over to get her mail. she walks into the house and begins to cry. I hug her and she starts balling crying like crazy. when i tell her that i to want to try and work this out with her, she having her own place now and giving each other the space we need she says that she thinks thats a bad idea and that she know we will not last so why kill ourselves in slow motion. She then went to tell me that she Loves me more than anything but she is not in love with me anymore. which hit me like a ton of bricks of course. We agreed to cut each other off completely and i asked her to please stop calling me to give me mixed messages. My point is whats wrong with this girl...i know shes confused but this is killing me, and really affecting my life I mean damn after 5 years the i love you but not in love with you thing is a real crappy thing to hear. sorry just fuming out
Merin Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Your girl is on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I think she knows that she isn't happy in the relationship YET she is afraid to let go of it..... this isn't uncommon. I do think that you're right though that she is giving mixed signals.... she says come here and when you do then she says go away..... At this point if she isn't willing to work things out, and says you're killing yourselves in slow motion, then I don't really see what more there is to do here. She knows how you feel, you know how she feels and I don't see her wanting to compromise on anything, I think she is just feeling a little lost.... you were together for 5 years and it's not easy for either one of you to adjust to another way of life right now. Stand by what you've told her. That because she feels the way she does that as much as you care about her, it hurts to much for you to continue contact.
SoleMate Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I guess she gave me all the warnings but i was too much of a workaholic to take notice and i never thought she would actually leave. Typical. And sad. It is common that even when someone knows that breaking up is essential, and inevitable, they have a hard time doing it. Your ex-gf is going through that. Her head has decided that it is the right thing, but then when she feels the actual pain of separation, she's grabbing for the painkiller, which is more contact with you. I do think there is a chance for you to save this, but please do understand you will need to do some serious work on understanding her unmet needs, from HER point of view, and meeting them. Try <URL removed> And whatever happens, please do take this lesson from your current pain: When your SO says there's is a problem in the relationship that needs working on, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!! If you value the relationship, take the time to work on it. Just like you maintain and enhance the other things you care about - like your truck and your career.
Author polycube Posted September 15, 2004 Author Posted September 15, 2004 I think theres nothing i can do at this point we have agreed not to call each other, and theres nothing i can say or promise her that i havet said already. It breaks me heart because i know she will return and it will be too late for me to take her back. The fact that she is so confused makes this even harder because there is no closure the last time this happened to me i think my other ex made it very very clear we were done. live and learn
Author polycube Posted September 18, 2004 Author Posted September 18, 2004 its real hard huh sometimes you just wanna call. its so hard when you know they are hurting too. it makes no sense this thing, and it makes you so angry when they cry its like they are stabbing themselves in the hand and crying about how it hurts. The hardest part is when you know that it was your fault, that you were so busy with work that you took them for granted and never gave them hat they were asking you for. sucks being in this situation it sucks even more whan youve been in this situation before with someone else and you never thought youd be back here again. its almost like a room, like the detention room when you were in school, when you walk in its a place you know it all so well but have forgotten what it was like because its been so long.
girl on the rebound Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Typical. And sad. And whatever happens, please do take this lesson from your current pain: When your SO says there's is a problem in the relationship that needs working on, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!! . My ex never listened when I would email to him to explain things---he just came on over whenever to have sex but nothing else... nearly one year and he ignored all of the problems. We are exes.
Author polycube Posted September 19, 2004 Author Posted September 19, 2004 god this is just so much harder being in a big city with my family and friends on the other side of the earth. im alone in one of the largest cities in the world I just wanna call her so bad, i know i cant but man i cant breathe right im feeling like total **** here. I know shes sad too i heard her cry i know this is not easy for her either so why all this mess. the hardest part is her mother isin town so she has a friend there 24-7 to support her and being that she never is with her mother im sure shes having a real easy time cause shes so happy to be with her mom.
Author polycube Posted September 20, 2004 Author Posted September 20, 2004 should i call her? or should i stay cool? its not like im all crying and stuff i can keep a very cool conversation with her without telling her i miss her like crazy. what do you all think?
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