juststarry6443 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I feel so guilty when I think about wanting to leave him. He stayed with me even if my heart was still broken and I was thinking about some other guy --he mended my broken heart. He stayed committed to me even if I was hundreds of miles away. I have broken his heart many times with the numerous times I told him we should break up. Every decision he had made was for me. I feel like the things that I find bothersome with him now is no biggie to what he's done for me and I should just try my best to put up with it. And I should always let the good outweigh the bad. But I feel like if I hadn't moved back and if we were still in an LDR he would still be the same. Weed and smoking with friends wouldn't be a part of his daily routine. He'd be healthy, focused, and determined with training to be a firefighter and work. He would have money to take care of himself even if it's just barely. He'd still call me every night and talk to me about his day and his life. I feel like everyday we have the same conversation. I feel like if I leave him my family would accept no one else to be a part of my love life. I know I'm young, but I feel like I'm suppose to marry him one day.
justwhoiam Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I feel so guilty when I think about wanting to leave him. But he's not feeling guilty about his conduct, aka behavior. When one of your primary thoughts of the day becomes smoking weed with friends, that is going to affect your social life negatively, with consequences on your work, relationships, etc. He needs to start seeing that. To help him, first and foremost, he needs to want it. If he's fine with what he is now, there's not much you can do. Except for making clear you don't like it and disapprove of what he's now doing with his life. If you keep being with him no matter what, you'll give him the message that everything is fine and you're by his side no matter what. I think that can be OK to some extent if he were a friend, but he's supposed to be your boyfriend. I have broken his heart many times with the numerous times I told him we should break up. I don't know what reasons led you to threaten multiple break ups with him. But if they were linked to what you stated above, you gave him enough indication about how unhappy you are. And what's more, that didn't change things. He seems not to care. Maybe he's not doing it on purpose, I mean not to deliberately hurt you. Still, it's not doing you any good. The whole situation is becoming too stressful for you. Don't feel guilty about being reasonable and wise. Guess if anything wrong happened to him because of his slapdash attitude. I know of a guy who escalated in smoking weed every night. Once he damaged his car because he was sort of very sleepy in the morning (no reflexes), but luckily didn't harm himself. Another time, he risked an injury at work, for the same reason. He was eventually laid off. I should just try my best to put up with it. No, you should try your best to get him back on track. If it doesn't work and he doesn't care enough, knowing he's gonna lose you, you will know you did what you could. I feel like if I leave him my family would accept no one else to be a part of my love life. Could they go that far as to impose who you can or cannot love? Does your family have such power on you? Why are you having that feeling anyway?
cerridwen Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I feel so guilty when I think about wanting to leave him. He stayed with me even if my heart was still broken and I was thinking about some other guy --he mended my broken heart. He stayed committed to me even if I was hundreds of miles away. I have broken his heart many times with the numerous times I told him we should break up. Every decision he had made was for me. I feel like the things that I find bothersome with him now is no biggie to what he's done for me and I should just try my best to put up with it. And I should always let the good outweigh the bad. But I feel like if I hadn't moved back and if we were still in an LDR he would still be the same. Weed and smoking with friends wouldn't be a part of his daily routine. He'd be healthy, focused, and determined with training to be a firefighter and work. He would have money to take care of himself even if it's just barely. He'd still call me every night and talk to me about his day and his life. I feel like everyday we have the same conversation. I feel like if I leave him my family would accept no one else to be a part of my love life. I know I'm young, but I feel like I'm suppose to marry him one day. This sounds like a perfect example of "I love him, but I'm not in love with him." Is that accurate?
Author juststarry6443 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Posted April 10, 2013 I suppose you have pretty much summed things up for me. Thanks a lot.
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