greatguy16 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I want to share my story and see if I can get some feedback. Main highlights: -I'm a guy, and I dated a guy for almost 6 years. We met in high school, fell in love and it worked. We balanced each other out. We had two different personalities, he was out-going and silly and I was reserved and serious. Mix us both together and there was a strong mix. -He went off to a college while I was completing my senior year of high school. There were some issue like cheating on my 18th birthday that happened. But, I'm not perfect, and neither is he. We are both young and make mistakes. I eventually forgave him but we worked it out. -During my 2nd year, things were great. However, when he turned 21 and I was 20, I found that most weekends I was spending them alone while he went to the bars. I was busy with homework and such to really care, but that would be a warning sign that he was starting to lose interest. -During my 3rd year, his 4th year, he moved a few blocks off campus. I noticed that I was put on the back burner. He stopped coming to things I was involved in, he would hang out more with his housemates, and then it happened. One evening I was dealing with lock jaw (couldn't eat, headaches, tired, etc.) and decided to stay in my room on campus. I texted him to come over, and he said that his housemates were having a party that he couldn't. I was mad so I just went to bed. Next day he acts like nothing happened but he was distant. Another day goes by and we are eating lunch and he doesn't say a word. I ask what is wrong and he says that he is thinking how much of a great guy I am but that he isn't ready to settle down, that we rushed into a relationship (when we were dating for 4 years at this point). I come to find out a guy that he would be working with at his new upcoming summer job was staying at his house during those days since the party. I was too busy to go to his house because of school during the week. They were having "fun" without me evening knowing. We break up, and I literally fell apart. This happened right before Spring Break. -During the break I stayed on the coach and didn't move. Just stared at the ceiling for a week. Didn't talk, barely ate anything my mom gave me. But during Spring Break he went to spend time with this new guy he met. -After the break, he tried being friends. It kinda worked because the other guy didn't go to school. But once summer came, my ex left for his summer job and I didn't hear a word from him all summer. -I moved on. By August I was going out more, getting ready for my senior year, and such when he comes back from the camp he was working at. Turns out this other guy he left me for got fired two weeks into the camp session and well my ex said he missed me. -We kinda started hanging out again, eventually he told me he missed me a lot and that he loved me and that he made a stupid decision. So a little more than a month later he comes visits me at school and we talk and he wants to be my boyfriend again. So, we started up again. This was early September of 2011. -Fast forward to my graduation in May 2012, he comes to my graduation, but is distant again. He was originally living by himself, working a full time job, but a week prior to my graduation he moved in with a new guy that he had met a few months before. I was cautious about him moving in with someone else, but he needed to cut back on his expenses, and with rent split in two, it would help. -So, it comes to two days after I graduate. I had already been accepted into a grad school in Boston, which he was happy for and supportive. He was going to apply to Boston Univ. as well. But he again tells me that I'm a great guy, that he loves me so much, like family, but isn't in love with me anymore. And that it is over with....again. I'm like seriously??!! I gave you a second chance and you told me you wanted it, and I made you show me you wanted it. --Immediately he said that I am his best friend and that we could be friends and that he would always be there for me. I quickly learned how that isn't true. One thing I noticed with both break ups is that when he had a new group of friends or moved into a new place without me, I was quickly taken out of the picture. I found out he had a crush on this new guy he was living with, and that he was still interested in the original guy he broke up with me the first time with. -At first, I tried ignoring it. He cried when we broke up. We hanged out a few times and he would dance with other people and because I didn't want to be a loser and just watch, I did the same thing. But, he got jealous when I would dance with other people at a club. However, he has no problem giving lap dances to people when he is with his other friends. -September 2012 comes around and we say goodbye as I get ready to leave. He kisses me, and says he will miss me. But within three days of me being in Boston, he has a new boyfriend. He called to tell me, and that he is so happy. I told him i couldn't do this, and stopped talking to him. His new relationship lasted 10 days, and well...guess who I heard from after that. -It was one fight after another. During winter break he invited me over to spend some time with him for a week. Just him and I to work on our friendship. I agreed. I should have just stayed home. The first three days were nice. But once January 1st came...it went down hill. He was flirting with other guys, we were fighting every night, he would be distant. I told him I was leaving and he would hold on to me telling me not to. I finally asked why he wanted to break up with me. He said: -Our relationship wasn't going anywhere -I love you but am not longer in love with you -You no longer are attractive to me (because I don't have muscles..I'm skinny) -Want to see what it's like to be single. -Then after I called him out on so many lies (which I hate) I heard it was because I was too controlling. I replied well I would rather have a friend like that who was like that compared to a liar, a cheater, immature dummy, who has no future except to smoke pot every night with his new friends and waste money drinking and buying clothes living paycheck to paycheck. -It was fight, no contact for 10 days, contact on his end, fight, then no contact, and repeat. Finally, I gave up. I went no contact. I heard from him on Valentine's Day when he told me he hopes he has a great day. But I heard from other friends that he told his latest ex and the other guy he previously broke up with me for the same thing. in fact he had longer convo's with them. So, end of February 2013...we get into one last fight. He told me that he is distant with me and has nothing to say to me because I am a constant reminder of all the pain he cause me...which is something "he can't forgive himself for and doesn't want to remember." I said I was tired of the fighting and arguing and pain. I hung up and haven't heard back from him since. This was 6 weeks ago. I haven't been in contact with anyone who knows what he is doing because his family took my side of the break up, calling him selfish and a user. Not my words and I didn't push to have them defend me. They were upset when he told them. I'm just curious what might be going through his mind at this point. I love him dearly. I still shed a few tears thinking about him, and Im finding it more difficult to let go this time. Sorry for the length. Any thoughts?
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