iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I'm trying to learn how to attract women and have the kinds of relationships with them that I've always wanted, but that I've never been able to have. Is there anybody that can help me with this?
Poppy fields Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 What kind of women are you attracted to? What are your strengths and interests?
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 This is more or less what this entire forum is about. Although, from what I've seen, online dating is not the way to go. So there's that. 2
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 I'm still trying to figure out what kind of woman I might be interested in, or what kind of relationship I'd like to be in at a rather late stage. Physically, I've found myself attracted to many different kinds of women over the years. Personality wise, I like upbeat women, who like to laugh. I tried online 'long distance' relationships in the distant past and it wasn't a fun experience.
MrCastle Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Be confident. Dress well. Be interesting. Expand your social circle. Approach women that fancy your eye, remember that fortune favors the bold. And, above all else, be happy with who you are, physically and otherwise. You will do fine 2
Estate Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Realistically, you have to just date lots of people to begin to realize who an what you want. It's only in recent times that I have become more confident in what I want. It came with more experience, before that I don't think I knew what was good for me from lack of experience in meeting and dating people.
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Not currently in school but I would like to go back. I go to bars to see acquaintances play in bands semi-regularly. I play music too. My dress sense could use a possible overhaul. Confidence has always been a problem, for sure. I've never thought I look attractive to women. For some reason I don't think I look 'masculine' enough, or I look too soft-featured, or like I'm a lot younger than I am. Consequently, I've grown to hardly acknowledge myself as a sexual person. In any case, yeah boldness is tough. I have confidence in a lot of the things I do, but with women I hesitate. I don't really have a social circle either, my friends are scattered about. One of the things keeping me in my comfort zone in fear is this idea that the only two ways for me to meet women are online profile, or cold approaching.
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Realistically, you have to just date lots of people to begin to realize who an what you want. It's only in recent times that I have become more confident in what I want. It came with more experience, before that I don't think I knew what was good for me from lack of experience in meeting and dating people. This is also true. I feel fear in acknowledging this common sense at age 30 is too old to try to start to date lots of women. How would I know what to do? Would I get stuck with the first girl because I don't know how to communicate that I'm not looking for anything serious? Perhaps it's my environment, but a lot of people I know are married to their first partner, and the social circles never seem to expand, at least that involve me. My younger brother is getting married in June.
Poppy fields Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Do you think you might like to join a meet up group that enjoys live music? You would be with like minded people that are interested in meeting others. I would recommend going to a department store and recruiting a female employee to help you fine tune your style. Some stores even have personal shoppers. You don't have to drastically change your style, but just tweak it a bit so you are still comfortable while looking as though you have put in a little effort. You know the style. Casually put together in a thoughtful way.
Giraffe1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Well from reading what you wrote I get the impression you are intelligent. Women love smart men, at least I do! It's sooooo cheesy but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. You have to begin somewhere we all do. Dating essentially means meeting and spending time with the gender you are attracted to. So that's how you start you will be obligated to speak to women and put yourself in awkward situations. It's going to happen. The more you do it the easier it will be. The reward for this could be a girlfriend or even your wife.
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 I would say that boldness and a sexual presence are two of the most important things to have in attracting women. You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I suggest finding like-minded guys that are good with girls in your area to go out with. That was the single most important thing that I did to become good with women. I certainly do need to get out of my comfort zone, I just don't know what kind of 'discomfort zone' as it were would suit me. Yeah, I wish I had those kinds of friends. The friends I have where I live either aren't available for this kind of thing or aren't close enough to me to even know I would like help with this.
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Do you think you might like to join a meet up group that enjoys live music? You would be with like minded people that are interested in meeting others. I would recommend going to a department store and recruiting a female employee to help you fine tune your style. Some stores even have personal shoppers. You don't have to drastically change your style, but just tweak it a bit so you are still comfortable while looking as though you have put in a little effort. You know the style. Casually put together in a thoughtful way. I've been trying to get to the same few live music bars where a group of acquaintances I know hang out regularly. This group all works together at the same chain music store, play in each others bands and many even live together communally. I'm an orbiter of the scene, because I have to work two jobs and don't live nearby. I do like the idea of a meet up group.
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Well from reading what you wrote I get the impression you are intelligent. Women love smart men, at least I do! It's sooooo cheesy but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. You have to begin somewhere we all do. Dating essentially means meeting and spending time with the gender you are attracted to. So that's how you start you will be obligated to speak to women and put yourself in awkward situations. It's going to happen. The more you do it the easier it will be. The reward for this could be a girlfriend or even your wife. That I believe has been my greatest stumbling block to having any kind of personal life, at least in the last seven years. In order to date, to connect, to love, to be intimate, hell just to get my sexual needs met, and to give all these things in return, I have to stop thinking and start feeling. I have to stop living from the neck up, and include the rest of it. I've never truly done it. Like a lot of people pegged early in life as the 'smart one', I do well with thoughts, I do terribly with emotions. 1
Giraffe1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 That I believe has been my greatest stumbling block to having any kind of personal life, at least in the last seven years. In order to date, to connect, to love, to be intimate, hell just to get my sexual needs met, and to give all these things in return, I have to stop thinking and start feeling. I have to stop living from the neck up, and include the rest of it. I've never truly done it. Like a lot of people pegged early in life as the 'smart one', I do well with thoughts, I do terribly with emotions. Yes, see you know the answer . I over analyze everything and its not healthy. We have to live in the moment and use our hearts. Our heads cause us problems. I'm right there with you. :
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Yes, see you know the answer . I over analyze everything and its not healthy. We have to live in the moment and use our hearts. Our heads cause us problems. I'm right there with you. : Certainly. Three years ago my mother passed away. She had been sick with lung cancer. There was a period immediately following when I, as executor of the estate, had to handle all of her affairs. I was the only family member who could care for her. I handled all the debts, legal matters, medical bills, everything you would expect. I then had to sell the family home, do work on it, set up everything with the real estate agency, etc, then find a place to live, find paying work. The point of including all these details here is to state that for a multi-year period, I had to do nothing BUT think on my feet, be on top of EVERYTHING, otherwise I would have been screwed! I had to deal with a lot of complex situations and step up. Of course what are all my friends dealing in at the same time? Partying...dating...relationship drama...friendship drama...drugs...music.......they had no way to relate to what I was dealing with! I suddenly felt like an adult at a kiddie parade!!! Many of those friendships faded. But what I feel I lost in all that, was the ability to feel strong feelings, to be in the moment truly. I closed up. I was now on guard from here on! Because I had to be. It served me well when taking care of business. But now I think it's hurting me in ways I don't even recognize yet.
Giraffe1 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Certainly. Three years ago my mother passed away. She had been sick with lung cancer. There was a period immediately following when I, as executor of the estate, had to handle all of her affairs. I was the only family member who could care for her. I handled all the debts, legal matters, medical bills, everything you would expect. I then had to sell the family home, do work on it, set up everything with the real estate agency, etc, then find a place to live, find paying work. The point of including all these details here is to state that for a multi-year period, I had to do nothing BUT think on my feet, be on top of EVERYTHING, otherwise I would have been screwed! I had to deal with a lot of complex situations and step up. Of course what are all my friends dealing in at the same time? Partying...dating...relationship drama...friendship drama...drugs...music.......they had no way to relate to what I was dealing with! I suddenly felt like an adult at a kiddie parade!!! Many of those friendships faded. But what I feel I lost in all that, was the ability to feel strong feelings, to be in the moment truly. I closed up. I was now on guard from here on! Because I had to be. It served me well when taking care of business. But now I think it's hurting me in ways I don't even recognize yet. Yes, wow that's a lot to have put on your shoulders. My condolences about your mom. That's heavy. But now it's time for you. Learn to let go and live in the here and now. It won't be easy but it's possible. Your mom's death must have shown you just how fragile life is, and that everyday we are given is a gift. Appreciate every morning from the minute you wake up. Breathe in the new day. You have to get in touch with your emotional side it's there somewhere. Baby steps.
kakah Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 just follow your heart And to attract that sweet girl, you become sweet to attract a good girl, become a better man. Work on becoming better every day and that special one will walk into your life
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 just follow your heart And to attract that sweet girl, you become sweet to attract a good girl, become a better man. Work on becoming better every day and that special one will walk into your life I would say that's fair enough. Becoming a quality individual never hurts a person. I'm hesitant to say though that this then means that someone will then walk into my life. I have to be the aggressor. If I passively wait or just go about my business, nobody might show up. But I'm shy in this area, which holds me back.
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