Can't stop crying...

[316]

Its been 3 months post-BU. I've been doing so well up until today at my uni... I heard from a 3rd party that my ex has been having sex with some unknown guy and another close friend of hers confirmed it.

 

This probably isn't a big deal to some but we took each other's virginity at the start of our relationship so sex was something very special to us (we used to always joke that we'd be each other's first and last sexual partners even though the idea was extremely silly and dramatic)... I guess I've known that this would eventually happen but to actually hear it has torn me apart almost as hard as the initial BU did. The most intimate and sacred part about our relationship is gone for good, the final nail in the coffin. The thought of her sleeping with another man makes me feel sick to my stomach.

 

I've kept my feelings bottled up all day at school but now that I'm finally home I haven't been able to stop crying for the past hour. I can't believe I've allowed myself to feel this low after making so much progress. I guess I still miss and love her more than I thought.

 

I know this will eventually pass but I'm a sensitive guy and right now I just need some comforting words or some encouragement.

 

Thank you everyone

Edited April 9, 2013 by 316

[BluEyeL]

I'm so sorry that you feel so low. You are so young and I know it hurts so bad. There is nothing someone could tell you that will ease your pain right now, but please know that it eventually goes away, I promise you that! Hugs! Try exercise, it helps a little! And avoid hearing about the ex as much as you can.

[portableversion]

I was in my surviving divorce class and this is precisely the reason why they say no sex until marriage, folks take for granted how powerful this act is, it really is a huge big deal. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool, so enter at your own risk, to get cut off from a woman uve had sex with is gonna be one of the most absolute worst experiences you could ever have. Ive been to funerals of family members and they seemed like a trip to the comedy club compared to situations like this.

 

just imagine if you two had been platonic and then she stops talking to you and then you find out later shes been having sex, with someone else I would almost wager it would not bother you so much at all.

 

having sex with a woman makes us extremely vulnerable. I remember when my 1st gf dumped me and it was right after I had gotten better and had given her some awesome sex, I was devastated, how could she leave me after having such a wonderful beautiful moment?

 

Hang in there and ur right to cry and cry a lot, im sure youll be screwed for awhile, its just gonna take time, sound like you really loved this lady. If your lucky you can figure out what u did if anything to help make it end, so as not to repeat it.

 

You sound pretty young I think many younger people never really get to the bottom of what happened.

 

Folks have told me well uve lived life and have experienced it and have a much richer life, im like hell no I just got a good idea of what misery and suffering is, is my life enhanced cause I accidentally burned my hand on the stove, no its not. Its almost like saying oh I survived a terrorist bomb plot is my life richer for it, hell no ur just a step closer to ur grave.

 

You will survive this. Just remember that getting sexually involved is risky business. Crap man I got divorced from a 17 yr long relationship and yeah she wasted nor did i no time I in getting laid by someone else but yeah it stinks bad. Me I fet it was wrong but hse liked it and has kept it up, I fully understand the tears and the idea of vomiting.

 

 

This u are experiencing is a miniature reduced version of death, you have been murdered on a certain level, folks will say im crazy but this is very serious stuff not to be taken lightly.

 

Was my life made richer from my 1st gf ill say no its not, ive had many years to think and reflect on it and i say it would have been best if I never ever met her and had that experience, but such is life in this broken shatterd world, the religious people say the devil rules this world and examples of this convince me it is probably the truth.

 

Be careful bro there is a lot out there that will just take a person and grind them to a fine powder that gets blown away by the slightest breeze, I feel for you ill say a prayer for you.

 

Its not going to happen very soon but eventually youll heal, and get better though im sure youll be a bit hardened. I don't know how many bros ive ran into where stuff like this messed them up bad, just beware of getting a heart full of hate and beware of trying to kill the pain with drugs and alcohol, and try not to get on revenge streaks where you want to use and hurt women like find them sex them then leave them. Its events like this that have started such behaviors the ability to trust women can be greatly damaged. Yeah I feel ya ive had the river of sorrow , a flood of tears washing everything away . Just keep crying it how you can heal.

[portableversion]

oh its also been my experience that since you've gone thru this will it make it easier on you the next time you get dumped? no it don't. It will kick your ass every single time.

 

we were discussing this after an aa meeting ive met some older guys who had been dumped various times after being intimate with women. It don't get easier it just continually makes you older. I saw a 31 yr old man on the verge of tears and I saw another bloke about 34, they wanted to talk to me cause they know I can relate, they've been dumped before and it just seems each time it just cuts as deep and as raw as if it were the 1st time, only thing is youll be more familiar with it.

 

lets hope the next one you run into will stay with you forever, me im gonna be very cautious myself im not sure how much more of this I can take the x really did me in good, been real difficult to say im happy to be alive, but ive survived but im sure my soul will have a scar or a limp or something, bro this **** just stinks bad and theres no way around it.

[316]

Thanks you guys... Both of you are spot on when you say nothing I'll hear will ease the pain. I've finally stopped crying but all I'm left with is this ache in my throat and this sick feeling in my stomach.

 

As I lay here in bed I feel so alone, betrayed, and worthless. The things I'd do to have her in bed next to me right now with our sexual experiences still exclusive to one another and nobody else, but that version of the girl I loved and cared about so much doesn't exist anymore. That girl might as well have died with the news... she's nothing but a memory now. If I could just go back to the day when I agreed to break up with her man. I'd take it all back in a heartbeat. This pain isn't worth it, and now the tears are back.

 

I really hope people are right when they say the first is always the hardest one to get over because I'm not sure if I can handle going through this process again with another girl.

[Uncle Indy]

I'm very sensitive as well and it's the same situation for me. When I find out my ex does...I'm gonna be a wreck all over again.

[Smiley88]

I work with my ex..1,5 months after BU..1 year relationship..It hurts like hell,my head hurts from overthinking..

I cant let go of the regrets of how i acted..what i didnt do...it was my 1st relationship..i was in it for the fun at 1st..0 responsibilities ...but i fell in love..but continued to be selfish..i now regret it everyday that i didnt know how to act

I cant cry anymore..its just stuck in my head and it hurts

[316]

Gotta stay strong guys...