gweny Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Hi, I hope at least someone out there can give me a outside opinion. I have enough opinions from family and friends. Il'll try to make it as brief as possible. I am a 35 yr old female and my boyfriend is 10 years older than me. I have never been married, and have been a single parent now for 16 years. He is divorced and has two girls, one that he adopted when he married her mother and one from the marriage itself. His girls are 20 and 17. I moved from a small community to a large city about 8 years ago. I needed to get away from my past. I was a bit of a wild-child. Not knowing anyone and no one knowing me was heaven. I made friends who judge me for who I am now, not for who or what I was 16-17 years ago. You know the types...those who never let you forget the mistakes you have made in your life. I had settled down, and I started dating this nice wonderful man. A good man, a nice man, a well respected man. After a year of dating we moved in together. That was 6 years ago, and while the first few years were good the feeling for this man has gone away. I still love him, cause I know him, spent part of my life w/him. But, I'm NOT IN love w/him. Things in the relationship has gotten too comfortable over the years. It is as much my fault as it is his. I have always known in my heart that I would NEVER marry this man. While we get along great, hardly ever argue, its the little things that we have gone through that has left me numb and thinking about moving on with my life. But at this time I'm not fininacially stable. combined household we do ok, on my own no way. At one time in my life I was on state welfare and have worked too long and too hard to get myself off it. I don't want to be considered a burden to the state again. My sons father does not pay child support, mostly cause I have never sought after it, I was, I am too proud to seek it out. He is my son, my resonibility. He is never denied anything material or has he been denied the opportunity to see his father. His father just chooses not to see him. My boyfriend has become a father to my son, while there are times when he is a little to rough on him there is great respect from my son for him. He refers to my boyfriend as his dad. My boyfriend is a great guy, but the passion is no longer there. And hasn't been for at least 3 years. About 4 years ago I couldn't take the snoring any longer, the man can wake the dead. After wearing ear-plugs to bed and having one ear ache after another we started sleeping separately. That got old real fast, I asked him to find help for the snoring. He agreed and went to the doctor, turns out he had sleep apena and high blood pressure and was on his way to having a heart attack. The doctor suggested a PAP machine (helps keeps you breathing at night) and medicine for the high blood pressure and also gave him medicine to help him stop smoking. Almost everything was back to normal, he stopped snoring and stopped smoking. The problem with not smoking anymore if sometimes weight gain, and boy did he ever. He is a chef, and one hell of one too. He gained 85 + pounds and I gained 45 + pounds. Plus the medicine for the high blood pressure maid him impotent. Doctor gave him a sample pack to try, sadly to say there are 3 pills left in the sample pack. And that was 3 years ago when the doctor gave it to him to try. In April of this year I had to have a hysterectomy, which is ok by me. I never planned on having more kids, and my monthly cycles were every two weeks and painful as sin. It was a relelef to have the surgery. But since then I have lost over 50 + pounds and have never felt better! I'm out doing things again. I have asked him more than I care to count to go w/me to do this, do that but he wants to set on the couch and watch tv. He dosen't care if I go hand out w/friends (male and female). He trusts me, and i would never cheat on him. I have told him that I am unhappy and we need to see if the relationship can be mended. Again sadly to say nothing has changed, I've tried and I sit here with tears in my eyes admitting to myself that it is over and that I need to move on and move out. So, someone, anyone some advise please. Do I save up money, for about 6 months to 1 year then move out or do I just move out and see where things fall? Thanks for reading this, it has really helped me to put my thought into words.
Mel123 Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Life too short you need to life it too the fullest everyday...If you have money issues...try sharing rent with someone...But before you close this chapter in your life...make sure that you have done everything too make it work...so that you can leave knowing that I give it your best...and yes it take two...Good luck...oh go with your gut not your heart...they should mirror one another...
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