Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Because just like you judge a stripper...men would easily judge you for that as well. It can be all of the same difference to men, and they remember that and consider it when considering "wife-ing" up a woman. Thanks. This whole thread has given me lots of perspective on the sitch.
candie13 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I know in Europe, people have a different perception than in the States, but yes, it would def bother me. Not because I think strippers are low class or uneducated. But because usually, men have a certain "type". Some would rather f*ck a beautiful body. Others an attractive mind. I would mind to be in the same category as his ex, by association... I know it's a horrible thing to think and say, but bloody hell, I worked hard at getting a good education, I got a scholarship, I studied abroad, I speak 5 foreign languages... yes, call me superficial, but I would mind the association. I don't think it was his responsibility to provide for her, either - don't think it was his fault that she stripped. It's his choice primarily, even before she decided to strip, that would bug me - how can both me and that woman be "his type"? 3
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I know in Europe, people have a different perception than in the States, but yes, it would def bother me. Not because I think strippers are low class or uneducated. But because usually, men have a certain "type". Some would rather f*ck a beautiful body. Others an attractive mind. I would mind to be in the same category as his ex, by association... I know it's a horrible thing to think and say, but bloody hell, I worked hard at getting a good education, I got a scholarship, I studied abroad, I speak 5 foreign languages... yes, call me superficial, but I would mind the association. I don't think it was his responsibility to provide for her, either - don't think it was his fault that she stripped. It's his choice primarily, even before she decided to strip, that would bug me - how can both me and that woman be "his type"? Yes. THIS. I am also educated and have a career in finance. Strippers don't tend to run in my social circle, if ya get my drift.
Els Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I have some news for you, but we've all been with someone we would have rather not have been, and just maybe we caught something. And we don't even know it. Speak for yourself... 1
candie13 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Listen... if he's a great guy and not attracted to girls with problems, then you shouldn't really think about it so much. Some guys like more frail, beautiful, sexy women, something about "saving" them... unless he used to be a bit of a dawg and enjoy the attention his ex was getting. I think that, even more than the fact were a stripper, would be the biggest turn off, for me. Guys with PhDs don't tend to fall in the second category, but you're the only one who knows - if he actually believed in his previous relationship or was enjoying "the situation".
candie13 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Because just like you judge a stripper...men would easily judge you for that as well. It can be all of the same difference to men, and they remember that and consider it when considering "wife-ing" up a woman. Don't see the relation between the two. What the OP decided to do, in her private life, with whom, is her own business. Maybe the OP occasionally even strips for her bf... her own business. Getting money to take of the clothes off in front of a bunch of strangers is a completely different matter. Not just once or twice. But for a living. Like everyday. Not saying which one is better or worse. Simply different matters. Apples and oranges. Totally unrelated. 1
anne1707 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Don't see the relation between the two. What the OP decided to do, in her private life, with whom, is her own business. Maybe the OP occasionally even strips for her bf... her own business. Getting money to take of the clothes off in front of a bunch of strangers is a completely different matter. Not just once or twice. But for a living. Like everyday. Not saying which one is better or worse. Simply different matters. Apples and oranges. Totally unrelated. But the OP is not dating the stripper. She is dating someone who in his private life decided to continue dating someone who went back to working as a stripper. Sounds like his own business to me. Apples and apples in my opinion.
candie13 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 But the OP is not dating the stripper. She is dating someone who in his private life decided to continue dating someone who went back to working as a stripper. Sounds like his own business to me. Apples and apples in my opinion. there's a saying in Romanian "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are"... In relation to your post, her bf dated the stripper, just like he is dating the OP now. He was serious with regard to both of them... Hence, the relation.
anne1707 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 there's a saying in Romanian "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are"... In relation to your post, her bf dated the stripper, just like he is dating the OP now. He was serious with regard to both of them... Hence, the relation. My post was a comment on the comparison you made between the OP having a threesome and her boyfriend dating a stripper.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) I know in Europe, people have a different perception than in the States, but yes, it would def bother me. Not because I think strippers are low class or uneducated. But because usually, men have a certain "type". Some would rather f*ck a beautiful body. Others an attractive mind. I would mind to be in the same category as his ex, by association... I know it's a horrible thing to think and say, but bloody hell, I worked hard at getting a good education, I got a scholarship, I studied abroad, I speak 5 foreign languages... yes, call me superficial, but I would mind the association. I don't think it was his responsibility to provide for her, either - don't think it was his fault that she stripped. It's his choice primarily, even before she decided to strip, that would bug me - how can both me and that woman be "his type"? Spoken like a true woman...unfortunately this has nothing to do with men. Every man would rather f*ck a beautiful body, let's get that straight first and foremost. You also need to understand that Mr. PHD, 5 languages, might not be exactly what you'd call the ladies man. He might not even have a choice, so how can you determine his "type"....you know a type of guy that doesn't like a Victoria's Secret model body? We'll institute him immediately together because something is clearly wrong. Women like to take a mans preferences and choices as a personal reflection...which is honestly quite comical, because it has NOTHING to do with you. Did Bill Clinton get a bj from his secretary because she met his "standard"? do married men cheat on women 20 years younger because they're the "standard"? even though they got an educated wife that met the standard? The reason a woman can be a man's type because she falls into the category of what men have; - Those he will sleep with - Those he will not So just like a woman may sleep with a man just "for fun", men will do the same things with women, but have these mini-relationships...why? because that's what women want and demand and men feel obligated to do in order to get a steady stream of sex. When a woman wants sex she can just merely go out to get sex, men are all for it. When a man wants sex most feel they've got to at least pretend they're looking for something more. But if it comes down to putting a ring on your finger, you're more likely to get the boot than the ring, because the real "standard" comes into play for men, that's when it really counts. Don't see the relation between the two. What the OP decided to do, in her private life, with whom, is her own business. Maybe the OP occasionally even strips for her bf... her own business. Getting money to take of the clothes off in front of a bunch of strangers is a completely different matter. Not just once or twice. But for a living. Like everyday. Not saying which one is better or worse. Simply different matters. Apples and oranges. Totally unrelated. Men generally don't distinguish between what you do in your own private life and for money, because they're more focused on the act....that labels you a "type" in a mans mind...which depending on the guy he may secretly check you off in his mind on "not marriage material" but still continue to date you at any rate...when it comes down to marriage or getting serious, he may bail at that moment once he's had a hard look at it. It's not apples and orange to men, and totally unrelated. They sleep with the Vietnamese hooker in Vietnam or prostitute in Amsterdam the same way they'd take home a girl they met at a club/bar. There's no distinguishable difference other than one they didn't pay for. If anything men don't like the fact that they'd have to pay for sex, rather than just being able to get it for free. They take that personal as reflection of their capabilities. Listen... if he's a great guy and not attracted to girls with problems, then you shouldn't really think about it so much. Some guys like more frail, beautiful, sexy women, something about "saving" them... unless he used to be a bit of a dawg and enjoy the attention his ex was getting. I think that, even more than the fact were a stripper, would be the biggest turn off, for me. Guys with PhDs don't tend to fall in the second category, but you're the only one who knows - if he actually believed in his previous relationship or was enjoying "the situation". Every guy likes beautiful women, he might tell himself he doesn't need one because he can't get one but no man in his right man would choose someone he didn't find sexy and beautiful even if it was the status quo over ugly and smart. Of course men need a certain criteria for a relationship and even marriage, the rest of the world falls somewhere inbetween... but some even later change their opinion on that, as more educated and intellectual women can be more entitled and more trouble than they are worth. It depends on the man and his perspective. Were making a lot of generalizations based on career and education, which are the least relevant details in judging the character and integrity of a man IMO because all men good and bad fall into those categories, I've seen educated men represent anything of what you are describing above as well from my experience, they merely rush into relationships in college like it's just "the thing to do". Plus many PHD's are far too busy to be playing the field, but not all, just many men of that nature seem to be less "ladies men" If I'm being frank and honest. Yes there are people who feel they are "entitled" to a certain quality of man, but go ahead with that, I'd like to see you ladies confuse yourselves in trying to determine that using the rudimentary and more judgmental and less effective method of screening the "quality men" over the lesser quality...If there is such a thing, or as much as a distinction as you may think there is. You'll be the type who is most surprised when "Bobby the honorable and devout" is screwing Cindy the 19 year old undergrad (who strips to pay for college) from one of his lectures when he's "working late" or before he picks up the kids from soccer practice. Edited April 8, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas 5
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 With all that said, NP, I'd like to point out that he has been talking marriage with me (unprompted) and mentioned that at one point, he was ring shopping for her as well.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 He dated a girl who months later told him he was a stripper. You're really going to disqualify him over that? I haven't disqualified him. Not just dated a stripper. Lived with, and considered marrying, while she was still on the pole.
candie13 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 With all that said, NP, I'd like to point out that he has been talking marriage with me (unprompted) and mentioned that at one point, he was ring shopping for her as well. for sure, I'll never understand men . look at the bright side, at least he's not a commitment phobic. 2
xxoo Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 What exactly did he do wrong? It sounds to me like he stood by his girl, and loved her, maybe to a fault. I consider acceptance a hugely positive trait in a partner, and rare. Most people want to mold you into what they want you to be. He says he isn't the jealous type. I might be concerned that he isn't the protective type, because that is important to me. Is that important to you? But not being the jealous or controlling or critical type is a huge plus, imo. Don't discount the fact that he is showing the same acceptance of your choices, which, as this thread shows, other men would not accept as easily. (I am not criticizing you for your choices, but maybe a little bit for your judgment of this other woman, when you've made some unorthodox choices yourself) 5
IT Geek Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I dated a stripper in my 20s (before I got old and fat) and had no problem with it. I actually met her at the club since myself and some co-workers would go there for lunch every Friday. It was an upscale club and there was no "back room shenanigans" going on. Sometimes I'd even go in on a Friday evening after work and sit back in a corner watching her strut her stuff. Maybe I'm strange, but it really turned me on for those guys to be lusting after her and me knowing that I was going to have her in a few hours. 1
xxoo Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 WHAT? Those two contradict one another. I don't think so. One is standing by, allowing her to be independent and make her own choices. It implies more acceptance, and more freedom for the partner. Less compromise. The other (protective) implies a limit to that acceptance. My H, for example, would put his foot down and refuse based on my safety, rationally or not. He's gotten worked up about less on the grounds of safety. He's protective, and I like that, even if it does occasionally require compromise. Neither implies more or less love. 1
ThaWholigan Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 He's a better man than most guys I know . If he was friends with guys I have been around, he'd get clowned mercilessly, which is rather unfortunate. I agree with Ninja (as usual). Women like to take a mans preferences and choices as a personal reflection...which is honestly quite comical, because it has NOTHING to do with you. This is brilliant. There are girls I know who should read this over and over again and stick it on their fridge so they can see it. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 With all that said, NP, I'd like to point out that he has been talking marriage with me (unprompted) and mentioned that at one point, he was ring shopping for her as well. I'm objectively arguing a point here based of the merits of how people are being judged and "sized up" as quality and how their behavior/actions may dictate their position from the perspective of a man. In my last post I pushed the point more than your current situation. However let's switch tracks here and speak regarding your specific situation in terms of what's going on with this particular guy, because if what you're saying is true he seems to be one of those types that does not care about the past...this guy doesn't honestly sound to me like the most sensible guy in the world. I suspect some issues that are reflective of his decisions. For whatever reason I get the impression he is impulsive, overzealous and a bit unwise. I get a feeling the feeling you are smarter than this guy. His argument or what he said to you, paints a bigger picture to me. It was a weak argument and a lie, so I don't even think he's being completely honest with you in the first place so I wouldn't even go based anything on just what you're saying...I know how men filter their stories and past, it's never a whole/complete and true picture or a lot of guys would probably be in trouble or would have a lot of explaining to do. Something is setting off some alarms in your head, what is it about this guy that doesn't quite seem to mesh well? How many times has he even been engaged? How do you feel about being on this fast track with him? is there a part of you that just doesn't quite trust this guy? If the stripper is going to be an issue, it's not going to be the sole reason, but apart of the bigger picture of why you're concerned...I'm sure you want to be with a man with a "standard" and feel it's a reflection of you on who he considers marriage material or relationship material...but I don't know how close to the real reason this actually is of why you would be apprehensive, I'm sure a guy like this has thrown out more flags than this, he doesn't seem very competent in his logic as his skills with women are.
candie13 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 He's a better man than most guys I know . If he was friends with guys I have been around, he'd get clowned mercilessly, which is rather unfortunate. I agree with Ninja (as usual). "Women like to take a mans preferences and choices as a personal reflection...which is honestly quite comical, because it has NOTHING to do with you." This is brilliant. There are girls I know who should read this over and over again and stick it on their fridge so they can see it. I've always suspected it way the 10 years of ballet and my flexibility that were the main reason that I was so popular, and not my conversation skills ... but then again, it could be my round booty, you never know! apologies, thread jackin'! 3
ThaWholigan Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I've always suspected it way the 10 years of ballet and my flexibility that were the main reason that I was so popular, and not my conversation skills ... but then again, it could be my round booty, you never know! apologies, thread jackin'! It could be all of those things. Maybe he likes your attractive mind because it perfectly accompanies his physical attraction to you. Just because he likes your "round booty" doesn't mean he thinks nothing of your multilingual abilities . 2
KungFuJoe Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Honestly, op...I wouldn't listen to ANY of the advice given here...not even what little I gave. This is one of those situations where it could be any of a million different things. No one has any idea what kind of man he is except you. For all we know, he could be a savior or a scumbag or anything in between. Just go with your gut and let the chips fall where they may. 3
mesmerized Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 How old is this guy? How does he compare to you in terms of attractiveness (looks and everything else)? Honestly and you might not like it but it really sounds like he goes after women who are available to him and look too good for him that he's afraid he won't get any better.
Imajerk17 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 The dude I've been dating since Feb seriously dated a stripper in the past for three years. The story goes like this: They started dating, fell in love, she bartended. About six months in, she drops the bomb that she had been a stripper at one point and was going to do it again, because money was so tight. At this point he was head over heels in love and couldn't bring himself to break things off. Would this bother you? I guess I would just hope that my dude would want to sell the shirt off his back rather than see his lady on the pole. He just says he's not the "jealous" type. I'm not gonna lie, this has definitely affected my opinion of him. I told him it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he could take her seriously after that. *sigh. Always something isn't it? Is this the guy you met out with friends? Handsome, amazing chemistry, devoted single dad, and did I read somewhere has a PhD (or at least was in a program)? It's not a huge deal.
Woggle Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 What does his past choices have to do with you? I don't see anything wrong with what he did because I don't view strippers as bad people but everybody and I mean everybody has dated somebody in the past that would make other people say WTF. I think it is good that he is not judgmental. A person has to earn money somehow. Also Jersey has many classic spots and parts of DC are sleazy as hell. A bit OT but had to address that. 1
MoreThanThat Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Interesting to read this thread. The guy I'm interested in not only dated but married a stripper (and they had kids together). I knew him a couple months before he told me in passing relevant to a different topic. It's not come up again. Honestly, before him, if someone had asked me if I'd consider someone who'd been involved seriously with a stripper, I'd have said no way.
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