Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 The dude I've been dating since Feb seriously dated a stripper in the past for three years. The story goes like this: They started dating, fell in love, she bartended. About six months in, she drops the bomb that she had been a stripper at one point and was going to do it again, because money was so tight. At this point he was head over heels in love and couldn't bring himself to break things off. Would this bother you? I guess I would just hope that my dude would want to sell the shirt off his back rather than see his lady on the pole. He just says he's not the "jealous" type. I'm not gonna lie, this has definitely affected my opinion of him. I told him it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he could take her seriously after that. *sigh. Always something isn't it?
Treasa Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 My opinion is skewed because I know (well, knew) a couple of strippers who were really nice. They literally were doing it just to pay for college and help their families. So no, it wouldn't bother me. 4
MrCastle Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Well, in his defense, she dropped the bomb later on (imagine that, a stripper withholding info. Well I'll be) and by then he was already into her. I suppose that's better than me, who would knowingly date a stripper. I know a few of them personally. If it lead to that, I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't take the relationship seriously though. Have some fun, keep it casual, but that's it.
Els Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'd find it distasteful, but it's more about the fact that he would rather she be a stripper than help her out financially for a while (assuming he was capable of it).
anne1707 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I agree with Treasa. Just because someone is a stripper, it does not automatically mean they are some low-life. 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I'd find it distasteful, but it's more about the fact that he would rather she be a stripper than help her out financially for a while (assuming he was capable of it). I'm not really sure he was in a position to do that, since he was in a PhD program at the time. He did tell me that he always encouraged her to go back to school, which she eventually did, and became a nurse.
KungFuJoe Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 The dude I've been dating since Feb seriously dated a stripper in the past for three years. The story goes like this: They started dating, fell in love, she bartended. About six months in, she drops the bomb that she had been a stripper at one point and was going to do it again, because money was so tight. At this point he was head over heels in love and couldn't bring himself to break things off. Would this bother you? I guess I would just hope that my dude would want to sell the shirt off his back rather than see his lady on the pole. He just says he's not the "jealous" type. I'm not gonna lie, this has definitely affected my opinion of him. I told him it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he could take her seriously after that. *sigh. Always something isn't it? All I know is you better hope your pole dancing skills are up to snuff! 3
Charlie Harper Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 He is honest with you , does it count?, because she could tell he is like a Disney Hero, and a super guy that has not been touched by anyone... damned if they tell you, damned if they don't... Personally I would take the sincerity as a good sign...!!! 2
Els Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm not really sure he was in a position to do that, since he was in a PhD program at the time. He did tell me that he always encouraged her to go back to school, which she eventually did, and became a nurse. Ah, that's understandable. I see nothing wrong with it in that case. People do what they have to do, and if you love them and are unable to help them find a way out of it, you just give them all the love and support you can. I'd probably find it admirable that he stuck by her instead of adding to the bad times she must have been facing by breaking up with her. 1
darkmoon Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 if you mean you would put the onus on him to provide for you, ok, but for how long?
xxoo Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 A good friend of mine was a stripper. I'd ask more questions. It's a yellow flag, but not a red one on my book.
Poppy fields Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 It's not like she was a prostitute. Maybe she danced at one of those no touch, higher end places. It sounds like she at least had goals, so he must have found something redeemable in her. Besides her stripper body.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Ah, that's understandable. I see nothing wrong with it in that case. People do what they have to do, and if you love them and are unable to help them find a way out of it, you just give them all the love and support you can. I'd probably find it admirable that he stuck by her instead of adding to the bad times she must have been facing by breaking up with her. Yeah, I guess I didn't think of it that way. Maybe what bothered me, also, is that he told me that he and his friends would go down to the club and watch her do her thing. I don't know why that just seems weird to me. Granted, this is DC, and not some seedy nasty club in Jersey or something.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 if you mean you would put the onus on him to provide for you, ok, but for how long? No - not necessarily provide for me. But I'm just trying to think of the dudes I've dated in the past and how they would have felt if I told them I was going to strip. They would DEFINITELY not be ok with this, followed by laughing their asses off, I'm sure.
xxoo Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Yeah, I guess I didn't think of it that way. Maybe what bothered me, also, is that he told me that he and his friends would go down to the club and watch her do her thing. I don't know why that just seems weird to me. Granted, this is DC, and not some seedy nasty club in Jersey or something. What's his attitude about that? Showing off his girl to the guys? Or keeping a friendly presence when she is working?
mortensorchid Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Are you sure that's the whole story you are getting about this gal? I have known some strippers in my past (and I am a woman), and let's just say that they are functional human beings but they also suffered some kind of horrible something in their past (ex. molestation) that caused them to go down this path. Who they are as people is another matter. It is also a proven fact that it is a guy fantasy that they go out with a stripper at some point. He did that, now he is with you. Are you bothered by the thought that he was with an unclean woman? I think that's what you are afraid of. I have some news for you, but we've all been with someone we would have rather not have been, and just maybe we caught something. And we don't even know it. That's what your real concern is here even if you are not saying it directly. 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 What's his attitude about that? Showing off his girl to the guys? Or keeping a friendly presence when she is working? Don't know. He just always said he's not the jealous type and that it didn't really bother him.
todreaminblue Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 not all strippers are scum,it isnt an ideal life, and its a shame she feels the need to go back,i dont think you should judge her....or him for that matter....it isnt really important to your life is it?...deb
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Are you sure that's the whole story you are getting about this gal? I have known some strippers in my past (and I am a woman), and let's just say that they are functional human beings but they also suffered some kind of horrible something in their past (ex. molestation) that caused them to go down this path. Who they are as people is another matter. It is also a proven fact that it is a guy fantasy that they go out with a stripper at some point. He did that, now he is with you. Are you bothered by the thought that he was with an unclean woman? I think that's what you are afraid of. I have some news for you, but we've all been with someone we would have rather not have been, and just maybe we caught something. And we don't even know it. That's what your real concern is here even if you are not saying it directly. Perhaps. And yes she had a pretty f*cked up past and stripping only perpetuated her hate of men. He was pretty honest about that. And honestly, yes, I have a hard time thinking he was serious about a stripper at one point, when now he wants to be serious with me and I don't even wear low-cut tops! What's the disconnect?
KungFuJoe Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 DrSeussGrl, Too little information to make a judgement call, really. From what I know...it's either: He's an easy going, non jealous type who REALLY only cares how a woman treats him and not what she does for a living. Or he loved the fact that he was with a hot stripper, wanted to show her off to all his friends, she was just a trophy to him, and he stuck around until something better and "cleaner" came around...hence, you. But you're going to have use your instinct and judgement on this cuz you know him better than any of us ever will.
SJC2008 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Some men care some don't. I'd casually date a stripper but wouldn't have a serious R with one. I can understand your concern that he seemed ok with it, although she didn't tell him right away. This is just a part of dating where you learn about the other person. Have you told him you've had a threesome? Or are you waiting to get your hooks in him first like the last girl so you won't scare him off?
Author Drseussgrrl Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Some men care some don't. I'd casually date a stripper but wouldn't have a serious R with one. I can understand your concern that he seemed ok with it, although she didn't tell him right away. This is just a part of dating where you learn about the other person. Have you told him you've had a threesome? Or are you waiting to get your hooks in him first like the last girl so you won't scare him off? I'm not sure why this comes up randomly in threads. Yes I've had a threesome. Why are you dudes so fixated on this?! And yes - he knows.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 "At this point he was head over heels in love and couldn't bring himself to break things off." Really...as a man, do you seriously expect me to believe that? I'm trying not to laugh here, so ridiculous. The guy did it for every other damn reason a guy would date a stripper...because she made good money doing it and it was "hot" to date the girl other men wanted. He felt "special" and didn't mind...he accepted it and moved on. But chances are he probably didn't expect it to go anywhere anyway...three years? so what, you don't know every little thing that happened during that relationship and they're not together now, what difference does that make...and poor guy, had to deal with a girlfriend who had a hot body due to dancing on a pole all night, imagine her ugly drunk out of shape stripper friends coming home after drinking too much and taking off their clothes, horrible tragedy!....I really feel sorry for him, plus I'm sure she wasn't a wild cheetah in the sack either, probably just laid there and fell asleep. The guy dated a stripper...so what. Most guys go to strip clubs, that's why there are strippers..at least she got paid for it, I've seen women do that for free. The guy isn't going to supplement her income when she can go out and make plenty of money for herself, no need to sell the shirt off his back, plus if things ever got serious I'm sure they would have had the talk where she would stop doing it...it's all the same. I've met all kinds of women in my life...and just like strippers, some were grungy and dirty others were pretty professional and just did it because it was a helluva easy way to pay the bills...I'd see no reason to judge a stripper harsher than some "wild" girl out there who makes decisions in her life that are less than "respectable" but has nothing to show for it, and had no means to an end. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm not sure why this comes up randomly in threads. Yes I've had a threesome. Why are you dudes so fixated on this?! And yes - he knows. Because just like you judge a stripper...men would easily judge you for that as well. It can be all of the same difference to men, and they remember that and consider it when considering "wife-ing" up a woman.
SJC2008 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm not sure why this comes up randomly in threads. Yes I've had a threesome. Why are you dudes so fixated on this?! And yes - he knows. Don't know if I'm fixated, it's the first time I've brought it up. I undertand your frustration though since it keeps coming up. I brought it up because because when you get to know someone you can either accept things you learn about them or if it's something encroaching a boundry you deal break them over it. He is fine with your sexuality, some more conservative men wouldn't be. So you can accept the fact that he's dated a stripper or dealbreak him over it. Either decisisioj is the right decision as long as it's your decision.
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