NEED w/dating a friend! Used to random hookups not relationships so LOST here!

[jimmydean]

I usually date a lot, and don't have trouble meeting women. Problem is, I'm sick of it. Stupid I know.

 

Anyways I recently just started going out on solo dates with a girl I've known for probably 6 years, prior to last month, WE'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TOGETHER just the 2 of us. We've hung out maybe half a dozen times in those 6 years but out in groups.

 

Another problem is she's the sister of one of my good friends.

 

That aside, everything is great! Comfort between us is insanely good when together, she's constantly giving me signals (I think) and I am able to hug her, rub her legs and arm, back and lower back without her minding, but if we're walking and i try to hand hold she pulls back. i always smack her bottom too just to do it and she says nothing.

 

I'm confused because we've been out together 3 times now and last time I actually went for a kiss at the end of the date and she turned away. I did not get weird or anything and just acted like nothing had happened.

 

A friend told me that 3 dates is nothing and that I should give it more time. That she's probably just trying to feel me out see if I only want to hit it and quit it. I don't. I like her.

 

I'm not used to trying to get into a relationship. With dating girls, it's usually pretty fast and the first date we're usually kissing, and if we aren't kissing by the second date I know she's not into me and just move onto the next.

 

But this is different, she still wants to text me every day, (I think she just likes the attention that I'm giving her.) I could be wrong and maybe she's just trying to take it slow? But 3 dates (a month) and no kiss...well she actually pulled away from the kiss...

 

I know she was thinking about it because about 3 days after she txt me after joking/flirting back and forth "just don't try to kiss me again or I'll get my dogs to sit on you lol!"

 

Maybe I'm just looking too hard into this. If I were just trying to "hook up" with her I would have moved on already.

 

positives/negatives IMO

 

Positives

always says we have a great time together

always thanking me for hanging out with her

always asks for a hug "please"

makes comments about "This feels good having you here"

doesn't pull away when rubbing thigh arms or lower back

doesn't act weird when i slap her on the butt

conversations are always exciting laughing joking comfort excellent

always tries to treat me when we go out pick up the check

said she missed me after i didn't call her for a few days

other day i said shrimp is my favorite she grabbed me and said "We totally have to go here" and took me to a shrimp place

she only eats meat like once a year but told me she wants to go with me to a steakhouse because she knows i love steak

 

 

Negatives

pulled away from kiss

pulls away from hand holding

made a comment jokingly about "i have work drama, you think i want relationship drama too? Not for a while" (maybe i'm reading too much into this?)

 

What I'm thinking about doing now is just distancing myself from her for a while.

 

Also I'm up in the air about letting her know that I enjoy hanging out with her but I want to make sure we're on the same page as I want to continue to get to know her and don't see her in a platonic way.

[Poppy fields]

She told you she doesn't want a relationship for awhile. If you want to keep hanging out and waiting until she is ready go for it, but don't expect more than her letting you rub her and a few ass slaps for a long while. By the way, what is with the ass slapping? It's not a guy's locker room. Not very attractive.

[jimmydean]

So abandon ship....

[silvermercy]

I don't think 3 dates are that slow.

If she's the sister of one of your good friends, then are you sure that she hasn't heard any wild stories of your past? It's inevitable.

She may see you as a player for all you know if you're so get used to random hookups instead of relationships.

 

So two things are possible here:

1. she's interested in a relationship but wants to take it REALLY slow indeed. (In her mind it could be like this: "you'll wait for me if you're really interested. I'm not taking any chances given your past).

2. She's not interested in a relationship, likes the attention and you've been friend-zoned (for the same reasons as above).

 

Your good friend is the only person who may shed some light in this mystery. Ask his help if you can.

[jimmydean]

she knows and see's that women are very attracted to me. she doesn't know my complete past, but i am constantly talking to about 2 or 3 new girls a week, but she's never known about this. she's seen me approach women when we were out in the past in our social groups whatever.

 

maybe she is taking it slow. she went through a messy divorce a few years back so she is guarded.

 

all my experience is with hookups and dating, i don't have much with being emotionally invested, but my experience with random women is that when you talk about your feelings with them, they get turned off.

 

of course like i said, those are hookups and women i don't have any emotional investment with.

 

anyways i haven't texted her back for the past few days. she's only sent out feeler texts anyways - also she's super excited about a bottle of Louis XIII she bought for the first time and wants me to be the first to share it with her even though she knows I don't give a crap about cognac and sent me a Pic of her with the bottle. I feel bad not texting her b/c I know she's excited about it but oh well.

 

even though i think it's not the best idea next time we meet up all i'm saying will be "i value your friendship but if it's platonic i respect your wishes and will leave you alone completely. i'm not looking for a hit it and quit it but i'm also not looking to just be friends."

 

so i'm done with this. that's where i'm at.

[Gottabestrong]

Why are you not replying to her texts? If you are interested than you should not ignore her. Not initiating is one thing, but not replying is rude.

 

Have you already made plans for the next get together?

[jimmydean]

Why are you not replying to her texts? If you are interested than you should not ignore her. Not initiating is one thing, but not replying is rude.

 

Have you already made plans for the next get together?

 

no I haven't made plans yet because I haven't talked to her. I was actually not going to make plans since I'm the one usually initiating the hanging out. Do you suggest something different?

[sydneysider1978]

I think I've been in the other side of this situation.

 

About a year ago, an insanely attractive Italian guy took a shine to me. Extremely flirtatious instant messaging, trying to arrange to me up with me. When we did bump into each other in our local, he'd spend hours taking to me and ignoring his friends.

 

I was tempted and extremely flattered, to be honest I enjoyed the attention. But I knew he was a complete player, lots of pics of him with different girls on his Facebook page. Not what I was looking for at all. I just knew he would be hot and heavy for a couple of weeks then lose interest.

 

I think this girl likes you but doesn't want to get involved with a player. Maybe her brother has told her all about you.

 

If you want a shot at some grown-up dating, show her your serious. Stop talking about other women and behave like a considerate, quality potential boyfriend.

 

And run it by her brother too...

[ITw]

I think I've been in the other side of this situation.

 

About a year ago, an insanely attractive Italian guy took a shine to me. Extremely flirtatious instant messaging, trying to arrange to me up with me. When we did bump into each other in our local, he'd spend hours taking to me and ignoring his friends.

 

I was tempted and extremely flattered, to be honest I enjoyed the attention. But I knew he was a complete player, lots of pics of him with different girls on his Facebook page. Not what I was looking for at all. I just knew he would be hot and heavy for a couple of weeks then lose interest.

 

I think this girl likes you but doesn't want to get involved with a player. Maybe her brother has told her all about you.

 

If you want a shot at some grown-up dating, show her your serious. Stop talking about other women and behave like a considerate, quality potential boyfriend.

 

And run it by her brother too...

 

Jimmy listen to this advice. Your are on a fast track to losing this girl. Who wants to deal with a player? Many women have been there done that. If you want a relationship with her then call her up and ask her out. You yourself said that you're not used to relationships.

[jimmydean]

I think this girl likes you but doesn't want to get involved with a player. Maybe her brother has told her all about you.

 

If you want a shot at some grown-up dating, show her your serious. Stop talking about other women and behave like a considerate, quality potential boyfriend.

 

And run it by her brother too...

 

Ok I don't talk about other women at all, but my FB page is pretty much all women... nothing I can do about that now.

 

So I should just tell her that I'm not looking to "play" her? Not sure what I can do to show her I'm serious like you said?

 

Thanks.

[NateC]

Ok I don't talk about other women at all, but my FB page is pretty much all women... nothing I can do about that now.

 

So I should just tell her that I'm not looking to "play" her? Not sure what I can do to show her I'm serious like you said?

 

Thanks.

 

Words don't mean anything. Ask her out to do stuff. REPLY to her texts. Act like you actually want to take things further with her and it's not a hook-up.

 

Actions speak 1000x better than words.

[lilyblue]

You're playing with her right now if you're initiating sometimes then not responding others for no reason. Going to reinforce what is likely her perception of you - that you're a player. Just because you haven't told her doesn't mean she doesn't know your reputation.

 

Be sincere with her. Don't play games and expect someone to trust you.

[jimmydean]

You're playing with her right now if you're initiating sometimes then not responding others for no reason. Going to reinforce what is likely her perception of you - that you're a player. Just because you haven't told her doesn't mean she doesn't know your reputation.

 

Be sincere with her. Don't play games and expect someone to trust you.

 

not playing games, i just feel that lately i may have been giving her way too much attention and might be coming off as needy. i'll go ahead and set something up next time she calls or texts i guess.

[ITw]

not playing games, i just feel that lately i may have been giving her way too much attention and might be coming off as needy. i'll go ahead and set something up next time she calls or texts i guess.

 

 

Why wait for her to text you? Show her that you're serious and not playing with her feelings. Take the first step and call or text her to set something up. People are giving you good advice here.

[CryForNoOne]

Dude, you are f**ing this up left and right. All your actions reek of player or immaturity, and you've got to cut that $h!t ASAP if you want any chance with her.

 

First of all, immediately stop the ass slapping. I GUARANTEE every time you do that, you're hurting your cause perhaps irreparably. The best thing you can do now is apologize for all the times you've done it. Tell her you'll never do it again (at least until you had sex) and that you were immature and didn't know how to act around a girl like her that you really like.

 

To a girl like her hand holding and the first kiss is all about trust - and you've earned none of it. She puts up with all the other fondling because she's into you and perhaps even gets turned on slightly. But she ain't ever gonna let you hold her hand or kiss you until you've earned her trust. A big part of earning her trust is authenticity and showing some vulnerability...

 

And this distancing yourself from her and not responding to her texts, that more "fish out of water" player BS. That's not going to work either. If you like her reply right away. Stop playing games or you'll never get her. It may already be too late but if you really absorb what I'm telling you here, you may have a shot still...

 

BTW It's not necessarily bad that she's your friend's sister. I know of multiple married couples that were introduced in this manner. It's only bad if you are thinking from the PUA perspective...

[jimmydean]

Dude, you are f**ing this up left and right. All your actions reek of player or immaturity, and you've got to cut that $h!t ASAP if you want any chance with her.

 

First of all, immediately stop the ass slapping. I GUARANTEE every time you do that, you're hurting your cause perhaps irreparably. The best thing you can do now is apologize for all the times you've done it. Tell her you'll never do it again (at least until you had sex) and that you were immature and didn't know how to act around a girl like her that you really like.

 

To a girl like her hand holding and the first kiss is all about trust - and you've earned none of it. She puts up with all the other fondling because she's into you and perhaps even gets turned on slightly. But she ain't ever gonna let you hold her hand or kiss you until you've earned her trust. A big part of earning her trust is authenticity and showing some vulnerability...

 

And this distancing yourself from her and not responding to her texts, that more "fish out of water" player BS. That's not going to work either. If you like her reply right away. Stop playing games or you'll never get her. It may already be too late but if you really absorb what I'm telling you here, you may have a shot still...

 

BTW It's not necessarily bad that she's your friend's sister. I know of multiple married couples that were introduced in this manner. It's only bad if you are thinking from the PUA perspective...

 

I agree with everything you said - even though it goes against everything I've practiced for years

[jimmydean]

didn't set anything for this weekend.

[CryForNoOne]

That's your update??? I was hoping for some real news...

[jimmydean]

That's your update??? I was hoping for some real news...

 

lol so was I - she actually called me yesterday telling me that she's sorry that she's been so busy but work is killing her; I had asked her if she wanted to get out of work early so we could hit a few places to eat she said with all the time constraints she's having right now all she has time for is work and when she gets home just wants to go to bed.

 

She also said "Just give me a week for all this stuff to blow over, after that I should be good!"

 

Felt like a brush off to me so I just said not to worry about it.

 

So there it is.

[jimmydean]

ok so actually hung out today and SHE actually brought up that her biggest concern is that I'm a ****ing player?!!@?!@ I can't believe that ****.... wtf...

 

Ok maybe a little bit but still, she has never been exposed to the fact that I talk to a lot of girls a week . . . but still this is crazy.

 

Anyways that's her concern, I didn't know what to say but hey I don't know what you're talking about, i'm not "THAT guy"