SSSoto Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 So... I'm only sixteen years old, and he's seventeen. We went to school together, and used to play together when we were six-seven years old. I went a grade beneath him. Then I skipped a grade, and started in the class beside him; sixth grade. We had a lot of interests in common, that nobody else had; he was very charming and popular, while I was and outsider. But none the less, we became best friends. He even broke up with his girlfriend (that was nothing serious though, because we were so young) just so that he could stay friends with me. But because I was bullied, I transferred schools in seventh grade, and he was very sad about it and made me promise him we would keep in contact. We never did. He gained new friends, and they changed him, so he started being an idiot towards me... Bullying me just like everyone else. I cut him off. A couple of years later (in ninth grade) I wondered what became of him, and we gained contact again. He was reluctant at first, but eventually in the start of 2012 we became even closer than ever. We made a deal to get married when we were thirty if we didn't have anyone else, lol. In the summer vacation we especially became close, and I had never experienced him like that. He was always this charming, childish and chill person, without any worries, and who didn't seem to care about anything or take anything seriously. Suddenly he seemed to have so much passion - passion for ME. He listened to me, and he cared about me, and he told me so very often. I felt so appreciated, and he told me he'd never felt anything so strong, and I was the first person to make him experience real love. But I went away on boarding school after the summer vacation, and the distance made us even more aware how much we loved each other. We missed each other every moment we were apart, and every weekend I came home to him, and we would spend the whole weekend together. And that was when it happened... We suddenly ended up cuddling, when we were watching movies, and he held my hand... In September we kissed for the very first time, and not much time after I took his virginity. In late October we realized we were in love, but he wasn't ready for commitment, and it scared him. He had never been in love before despite of having had many girlfriends before me (they were never serious relationships, though). But he really wanted to feel ready, so he talked me into having an open relationship untill New Year's, and if his feelings didn't change we would stop. He didn't want to hurt me, and he wouldn't insist on it if he didn't think there was a chance he could change his mind. And he did. Less than a month later he asked me to become his girlfriend. It was amazing. The past month already felt like a real relationship, 'cause we didn't see anyone else at all despite of having an unofficial open relationship. He even told me that he couldn't wait to marry me till we were thirty, and that I should expect him proposing to me sooner than that... And one time, when we were afraid that I might be pregnant, he told me he really became aware how much he loved me, because despite of being more frightened than ever he would've never let me down no matter what. And afterwards he told me he couldn't wait to have beautiful children with me in ten years, when we were ready. We were happy for two months. We had a few fights, but it's normal for any relationship to have up's and down's. But apparently he wasn't ready for it anyways, because after a couple of days, where we had a fight, he suddenly broke up. I talked him into us just taking a break, but after a week and a half he contacted me, and he still didn't change his mind. So we broke up. He said that he still loved me, but didn't know if we were right for each other. I didn't agree, because I felt our relationship was perfect... The first week was horrible; we were both still emotionally wrecked, and we kept fighting. Then I stopped contacting him for a few days, and he suddenly contacted me. It was as if we were strangers again, but it was better than fighting. Later that week we finally went back to what we used to be before our relationship, and we even started flirting a bit again. I thought that maybe there was a chance I could get back together with him. He even told me that he still thought I was the most beautiful girl, and that I still held much of his attention. But then a few days after, he started digging up in our past fights, and I tried staying calm and diplomatic about it while we discussed, but he just stopped answering after a while. I thought that maybe it was too much, and decided on just giving him some space for a few days. Then the next weekend (it had been four or five days) I went out with a couple of friends. He knew, 'cause he asked the friend I was going out with, and she told him. Then he decided going the same place with my friends... And before I arrived he called my friend and asked if I could stay away because he didn't want to see me. I was shocked, 'cause I didn't feel like I had done anything. My friends told me to not care, and made me go anyway. But it was a mistake. One of my ex friends was there, and she HATES me (not out of good reason though, but I don't wanna go into detail). She called me a whore, and he didn't even say anything. I felt so let down... He told me once that he hated her for what she had done to me, and it felt like such a betrayal to see him hanging out with her and her other friends. So I walked away, but then I decided that I deserved some kind of explanation. I texted him and asked him to come and talk to me in private, but he refused. I was very hurt, but ended up going home. The next day I called him, and he said that he still cared about me but was very angry, but I didn't understand why. I didn't ask, but instead suggested us taking a break with no contact at all. He agreed, and then we hung up. I deleted him everywhere; on facebook, skype, steam, phone, etc. For two weeks we had no contact at all. We went to the same party after the two weeks, and he didn't talk to me at the party. We talked to each other indirectly in our group of friends, and I felt like he tried to get near me, but he couldn't pull himself together. But we didn't talk that night. A week later I felt confident that things would be alright again, and that we could start over again. So I wrote him on facebook... Asking to continue contact and be friends again. He said no. He said he didn't think we should be friends anymore, and that I was 'too much drama'. He said he didn't feel anything, and didn't care about me anymore. I... I felt that he was being very unfair. I didn't understand. He treated it as if it was all my fault. I know that I did some stupid things and made mistakes, but I apologized sincerely without trying to explain myself, and took responsibility of it. But he didn't want to forgive me... And that was harsh, 'cause I had forgiven him for all he had done to me... I had been very hurt by him since the breakup, and he doesn't even know because I wanted to spare him. And I think it's because he's started hanging out with my ex friend... She's influencing him, and she's been poisoning our relationship ever since a week before we broke up... He said he didn't even wanna be friends, and only a couple of months ago he told me he didn't wanna live without me, and that I meant everything to him. This happened yesterday. I know I should just let go of him and move on, and that I'm only sixteen and have my whole life in front of me, but I really need to know if I'm the one who's wrong here, or if he's really being immature and unfair? And besides, if there's a chance we'll ever be friends again? 'Cause... He was my best friend, and it feels like such a big loss not to have him in my life anymore... He told me that what he did to me in sixth grade causing us to lose our friendship was one of the things, he regretted most in his life... Now he's done it again... Is there any chance I can save our friendship in the future, or should I completely give up on him? Thanks in advance!
iouaname Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm sorry, that sounds very difficult You're right that you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, but the important thing to remember is that he is very young, too. He is not emotionally mature or developed, and you're probably having a hard time understanding his motives or feelings because even he doesn't understand them. Understandably, his actions are dictated by his emotions, because he is young. Sixteen is far too young to be considering marriage and children. Now, that's not to say that he's confused about what he wants. For whatever reason, he does not want you in his life. Whether you did something wrong or not, you need to accept that and leave him alone and focus on you. It's very possible that in time, he'll mature and come around to you to apologize or at least open the discussion to being friends.
SSSoto Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm sorry, that sounds very difficult You're right that you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, but the important thing to remember is that he is very young, too. He is not emotionally mature or developed, and you're probably having a hard time understanding his motives or feelings because even he doesn't understand them. Understandably, his actions are dictated by his emotions, because he is young. Sixteen is far too young to be considering marriage and children. Now, that's not to say that he's confused about what he wants. For whatever reason, he does not want you in his life. Whether you did something wrong or not, you need to accept that and leave him alone and focus on you. It's very possible that in time, he'll mature and come around to you to apologize or at least open the discussion to being friends. Thanks... I still feel that it's very unfair, though... I tried so hard to keep our friendship, but it feels like he just threw me away without any regret... I know I need to just accept it, I'm just so devastated by the whole experience... I just wish he didn't make all theses promises, I really felt that this was real... I didn't count on us getting married at first, but he just seemed so sincere, and I started really trusing him... I feel so naive ):
iouaname Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I know exactly how you feel, we all feel that in this situation. The rejection, the betrayal, the unfairness, the hurt, the anger, the emptiness, the confusion... there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Just feel them, and understand that they pass with time!
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