krima Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Hello. I am 20 years old and the girl I am going to talk about as well. Last September I met a girl in my college who seemed to be very interested in me. She asked for my phone, she asked me to go out with her, she complimented me and generally she seemed attracted to me. However, I had a gf at that time and I was very cold to her when discussion became more "spicy". An example to understand how I reacted to her- she called me once or twice and I didn't even respond. I wasn't rude to her. However, after 3-4 months I decided to break up with my girlfriend and approached this girl(thsi girl had nothing to do for breaking up with my gf). She was open to me once again, she told me things like that she prefers actions to words etc. So I thought that she was interested in me. So I invited her to my home where I would be with a friend of mine to come with a friend of her. She rejected me telling me that she doesn't go to houses of strangers. I didn't give up and I told her that then she would have no rejection to going for coffee with me. She said ok. But when the day to go out with her camethe night before I got so much drunk that I told her I could not go out(hangover) and I'd prefer if she came to my home. And this time she said yes. Anyway, she came to my home we talked a little(about an hour), we kissed and generally we did everything apart from sex(oral neither). Even though I wanted to have sex with her and I tried to touch her in the "sensitive" spot she stopped me each time. After the third or fourth time I asked her why didn't she want to have sex with me even though se seemed to enjoy what was happening she told me that she didn't know me and it was kind of pointless to have sex with me as it would have been without substance and that we didn't share anything. There was no emotionality if there is such a word. I told her it is ok if she didn't want, that I understand. Anyway, when we stopped kissing I asked her what will happen between us. She told me she is confused. She didn't do well in the college exams and there are some problems that are the main focus of her for this period And that she wanted some time to think. Anyway, I told her it is ok and that she should take some time to consider it. But then she changed. Before what happened between us she was always responding to me immediatly, on FB she was the one to start the conversations and then after what happened she changed. I was always the one to initiate conversation(for simple things not related to what happened) and she was very cold, with one word answers. Anyway, after a week I told her that I want to meet her. We met and she told me that there are problems in her life that make relationships a second thought. It is not that she doesnt want a relationship but it is the fact that she doesn't chase a relationship. So it depends on the other(me) to make her want a relationship. To which I responded how do I know when you will want a relationship or that when you will want a relationship that you will make it with me? You can't know that. Then do we stop here I said? She responded that I should keep in mind that from her man she needs to feel protection, safety etc... and to take into account what happened between us which shows tha there is something going on. She even told me that she didn't plan to do all of these with me when she came to my home. I just made her want it. And in a similar way I should make her want the relationship. I said ok I understand and then we seperated. She went to her city for some days and I to my own. So, we messaged a bit. But she was cold. Anyway, when I came back to the city we study I phoned her. She didn't respond and then I messaged her telling her that I had just arrived and that I would like to see her asap. She said after some minutes "welcome back ". Just this. And I asked "don't you want to see me? " she responded "to be honest I don't know" and I said "look I don't want to bother you anymore, I like you a lot so when you learn tell me" . And she said" yes of course ," and then goodnights. Anyway, this happened 3 weeks ago and she hasn't messaged me or anything. I know for a fact that she doesn't see anyone else though. Don't tell me to leaver her alone. I think of her all the time. I accept now and recognize I was too forward with her and a complete douche. I want her to give me, to us a second chance. What should I do?
dave33 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Well I hate to break it to ya buddy, but I think it's time to move on. You straight up asked her if she wanted to see you, and she said "I don't know." Given the whole situation, in my opinion anything other than yes is no. Take what you learned from this experience and apply it to the next.
SJC2008 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Contrary to college "culture", not all the girls are DTF right away. She declined the first invite to your house (cue 1) and you invite her again. She makes out with you and doesn't have sex with you (cue 2). Then you ask her if she wants to be with you and says she's not sure (cue 3). How do you not see any of those cues as slow the phuk down? You had her in a pressure cooker and it's over. If you still want to try tell her you moved to fast and want to start over and slow down and let things progress naturally.
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