Xxblue_girlxX Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I have not been able to get completely non-biased opinions about this situation and needed to see what people thought... Me and my fiancé started dating in Sept of 2011, got engaged in Dec of 2011, then had been planning to get married July of 2013. With that said, we have come to the conclusion that we were rushing things and while we will remain engaged, don't plan to marry for some time. Here recently, my fiancé and I started combining finances a little bit. My new car is in both of our names and I was just added to his phone plan. Finances have been a huge stressor for us lately. We work all the time and don't really have a lot of time to dedicate to us. I feel like this might be causing a bit of a problem for our relationship to begin with. About a week ago, we were talking and we both agreed that something in our relationship was missing. We didn't know whether it was the spark or the chemistry. He finally said to me that he didn't know whether he was still in love with me. That broke my heart. Since we didn't know where we stood anymore, I gave him my ring back. About a day went by until he decided regardless of what was goin on he didn't want to lose me, but then he told me something that completely crushed me. The reason behind him thinking he may not be in love with me anymore was a girl that he had been friends with since 5th grade, who he had finally started talking to again. They had hung out a couple times. He went over to her house a few times and said he was playing cards and spending time with her and her family. Every time they planned to hang out, I was at work. I trust him, so I was ok with it. A little weary and suspicious, but ok with it. He told me he thought that he still had feelings for her. Now, they had dated throughout middle school, for 3 years, and it ends pretty badly so they stopped talking. I didn't think much of them hanging out again because he just chalked their relationship up to puppy love. After finding this out, I tried to be ok with it...them hanging out and texting back and forth, but I came across a text in his phone a couple days ago where he called her sweetheart and they were texting more than he texted me. This sparked my jealous, suspicious side. I freaked out! We continued to text about it after he left for work. Finally I went to where he works and we talked and I basically told him he had to choose between me and her. I couldn't handle sharing my man with a girl who still has part of his heart. Now the aftermath of this is what is worrying me. I will stand my ground on not wanting them to be friends. But I'm just wondering whether he will resent me for it since he said nothing was happening or going to happen between them. And because of my insecurities, he can't talk to his so-called best friend. I feel like I should be the most important woman in his life. And I think that if its making me uncomfortable for them to be friends, then he should respect that. He says he loves me and wants to marry me but that this whole thing is going to take a while for him to get over. My broken heart is going to take a while for me to get over. But I love him dearly and do not want to let this come between us and possibly ruin our relationship. I believe that we are both young and have a lot of growing up to do before we actually tie the knot. I also believe that my request shouldn't be such a tall order for him. Now my questions for you are: am I overreacting? Should I be concerned that this will cause problems with us? Is this ever gonna go away? I just want us to go back to the way we used to be but I don't know how to rebuild our relationship again.
sabre80 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I have been in similar situations. First off I would say do not forbid him to keep this friendship. I would say just tell him the situation is uncomfortable. Put the ball in his court and give him the control to make the right decision. You would be depriving him of an opportunity to earn your trust and prove how serious he is about you. If he disregards your discomfort it is a huge indicator of how he will treat you in the future. A man that loves and cares for a woman would want her to be comfortable and would nuke any situation that would put stress on the relationship. Unfortunately, based on how you describe the situation I think he will disregard your feelings. But if/when he does so you will have all you need to know to walk away with a clear heart. He may surprise you though. He may end or scale down things with gradeschool sweetheart. But there is so much to be said by letting him make that decision. It will mean more to both of you rather than you demanding it.
InJest Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Be ready to sacrifice the relationship over this. It's not worth marrying him unless he's fully committed to you. Tell him its her or you, and give him some time to decide. 1
MrCastle Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Tell him you don't think it's a good idea for him to keep seeing her/talking to her. If he doesn't comply, drop his ass. Life is too short for bs like this. She no doubt has a piece of his heart, and if you are planning on MARRYING this guy, as in, being with him for life (so they say) then this situation has no place in your relationship. You have every right to feel the things you do. You are not "insecure," this is not a matter of you reaching or over thinking a situation; the man told you himself he may still have feelings for her. That is not okay.
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