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Happily married people, why do you still care about dating?

JuneJulySeptember

By JuneJulySeptember
in General Relationship Discussion

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JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've heard a few people here say that the one they are with is the only one for them and that they can't ever think about being with another.

 

If that's the case, then why do you post here?

 

Why do you care about dating?

 

I mean, seriously, I think dating is one of the top 5 most evil things on this Earth. It makes it's living and feeds off of judging other people. Read all the posts here.

 

"I refuse to settle for a woman who is not good enough."

 

"I refuse to date a man who is under 5'8"

 

"He must be this smart because I'm this smart.."

 

"She's a 6 I guess, but I deserve an 8 because I'm an 8."

 

"I'll never date a man who takes me to Applebees."

 

Too fat, too short, too dark, too poor, too boring, too ugly, too stupid, too uneducated for ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.

 

If you really step back and take a look at the sheer amount of judgement that goes on in dating, it's atrocious. I don't deny that I do it myself at least subconsciously at times, but still.

 

I realize dating is a means to end in that sense and I don't deny that I contribute to the h@llpit here. But honestly if I had someone who I was extremely happy with and didn't think about anybody else when I was with them, I would never want to think about dating again for the rest of my life.

Edited by JuneJulySeptember
  • Like 3
MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted

I don't care about dating personally. I am interested in studying human behavior. Occasionally, I may have a tidbit of advice for someone that they deem worthwhile (as one of the "happily almost married, knew he was the one by the second date" people). No more than that; kinda like people watching. Plus I get tired of playing Spider Solataire.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

I think many of us don't find dating particularly traumatising even if events don't go our way sometimes.

  • Like 1
KungFuJoe Established Member

KungFuJoe

Posted
Posted

I post because I can relate to a lot that goes on here.

 

I was no better off than ANY of the "LS losers" and yet I managed to find happiness with the woman of my dreams.

 

And it wasn't a case of me feeling miserable, and her saving me. I had to fix myself first, then I was ready to be with her.

 

Lots of guys here seem to want a girl to "fix" them or they think having a gf will ease their loneliness and pain and you guys are SO wrong...but you can't see it til you've been there.

 

Same can be said for some of the women here, as well.

  • Like 7
dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted

Several of the reasons mentioned by others above could apply to me - but also occasionally i wish to offer advice from my dating experiences (good and bad) to help others.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Some people like to give back to a community that might have helped them through some tougher times.

Socratesisapunk Member

Socratesisapunk

Posted
Posted

I think we're all just a product of conditioning. I was conditioned to believe that I deserved the best, and by the best it meant the perfect package that doesn't exist and that's why I am alone. I have to learn to stop judging people and just let nature take its course. I wish that looks didn't matter and I'm trying to ease up in that department, but sometimes we can't help what we're attracted to. For example, if you don't think a short guy is hot, but give one a chance anyway because you don't want to be judgmental, you may end up resenting him throughout the entire relationship and focusing on how much you don't like how short he is. I am still trying to figure this all out myself. If I could just let go of the preconceived notions regarding a perfect mate, I would be in a happy relationship. I've recently allowed myself to fall for a guy that was way under my usual standards and he played with my mind. Now I feel cynical about it all. Sigh...

man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

Posted
Posted
I post because I can relate to a lot that goes on here.

 

I was no better off than ANY of the "LS losers" and yet I managed to find happiness with the woman of my dreams.

 

And it wasn't a case of me feeling miserable, and her saving me. I had to fix myself first, then I was ready to be with her.

 

Lots of guys here seem to want a girl to "fix" them or they think having a gf will ease their loneliness and pain and you guys are SO wrong...but you can't see it til you've been there.

 

Same can be said for some of the women here, as well.

 

No matter what - getting into a relationship will inevitably put you through a whole new set of dillema's that you need to overcome. I've been confronted with many sides of myself I've never knew.

  • Like 3
GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

Posted
Posted

I think many of the biggest "marriage" problems -- and in my wife's and my case, probably 99% -- are not really marriage problems. They are issues we bring with us from singlehood. Unfortunately, my marriage has not been able to erase that "unsuccessful" stigma from my single days so I look on the forum to search for a way to reconcile that.

 

It's hard . . . the whole attraction game is so different from the LTR game that it's a wonder that anyone outside the mythical "top 20%" ends up completely happy. I also notice that on the dating forum, attraction is viewed in such a black-and-white fashion -- one is either completely attracted or completely repulsed. And you are "settling" unless you are completely infatuated at the onset. That puts a lot of pressure on everybody. I think IRL, there is a large gray area where there where there can be some attraction and some reservations at the same time. That is where decision-making comes in.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted

This site is not a dating site or a site only about dating...

 

There are sub-forums for all kinds of relationship topics, marriage, included.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

IME, having dated and been married, I see it the same way as I do relating, as an older person, my experiences and lessons from the life journey since young. Some people like writing, sharing, communicating, helping others, learning from others, etc, etc. Married people may be married, but they aren't dead. Hence they write.

  • Like 4
TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
Posted

I don't really understand the question. Is it "Why are you even on this board?"

 

I'm not happily married, but when I was married, I still cared about current dating trends, new ideas, and about learning everything I could from both my and others' successes and mistakes.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted
I don't really understand the question. Is it "Why are you even on this board?"

 

If that's the question, my answer is because I'll post on anything that catches my eye on the "New Posts" page, and rarely check to see which forum it's in.

Eve Established Member

Eve

Posted
Posted

I think it is interesting to see what people are up to nowadays, even though I am off the market and won't be returning to the market by choice. Alas, there are few situations which remind me off my dating experience (not that I actually called it that at the time) which means I rarely post on the dating forum.

 

I just find it amazing that dating is an actual relationship option nowadays. Back in the day you only really went out with people who you really fancied and who were worth going out with, unless you were a desperado. This was universally known and accepted!

 

Still, some funny **** can be said on the dating forum which makes some of the cringes I experience utterly worthwhile.

 

Take care,

Eve x

LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

Posted
Posted

Not married yet but very happy in a long term relationship (engaged) - I don't care about dating as such. I do care about people though and I care about all the rubbish that I see spouted on here so frequently. That rubbish, some of which you have repeated in your post, is what keeps you all single!

 

Those of us who are happily married (or attached) used to date, and we did so with a successful outcome. Giving advice to others on a forum is a fun way to spend time. Some of the subsections on LS can be pretty depressing eg divorce and infidelity, but the dating section is always good for a laugh! :laugh:

 

It's a shame all the unhappy singles seem to prefer to listen to one another's sob stories rather than taking advice from those who have been through it and come out the other side.

  • Like 2
GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted

Good to see you around again, Eve. :)

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

What LittleTiger said above.

 

Also, I didn't experience dating to be horrible, as you describe. I didn't experience it to be anything as you describe. I don't know anyone IRL, in fact, who describes dating that way. So it isn't a depressing topic I'm compelled to avoid.

  • Like 1
GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

Posted
Posted

Oh, dating was horrible and depressing . . . no doubt that everyone's experience is highly individualized. But what are you going to do? As much as some of us would like to, you can't skip the first few days or weeks of the process. Unfortunately, that's where "success" is defined in the dating world -- how powerful that initial infatuation is.

Pyro Established Member

Pyro

Posted
Posted
I've heard a few people here say that the one they are with is the only one for them and that they can't ever think about being with another.

 

If that's the case, then why do you post here?

 

Why do you care about dating?

 

I mean, seriously, I think dating is one of the top 5 most evil things on this Earth. It makes it's living and feeds off of judging other people. Read all the posts here.

 

"I refuse to settle for a woman who is not good enough."

 

"I refuse to date a man who is under 5'8"

 

"He must be this smart because I'm this smart.."

 

"She's a 6 I guess, but I deserve an 8 because I'm an 8."

 

"I'll never date a man who takes me to Applebees."

 

Too fat, too short, too dark, too poor, too boring, too ugly, too stupid, too uneducated for ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.

 

If you really step back and take a look at the sheer amount of judgement that goes on in dating, it's atrocious. I don't deny that I do it myself at least subconsciously at times, but still.

 

I realize dating is a means to end in that sense and I don't deny that I contribute to the h@llpit here. But honestly if I had someone who I was extremely happy with and didn't think about anybody else when I was with them, I would never want to think about dating again for the rest of my life.

 

I post here on LS because I have grown quite fond of some of the regulars on here and I mostly interact with them in the Water Cooler section.

 

I don't spend much time at all in the dating section because it tends to be a zoo here with a lot of judging.

 

I will post if the story relates to one of my past experiences or if it something that I feel I can contribute to in a way that will help the OP open their eyes.

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Because it is the busiest forum and it wasn't that long ago that I was in the same situation as some of the other people. Hopefully I can give some advice and share what I have learned through exerience.

Quiet Storm Established Member

Quiet Storm

Posted
Posted

I am interested in people & relationships in general. I also have an interest in psychology and family of origin issues.

 

I mostly post during down times at work, or while I'm on the sidelines at soccer/basketball/lacrosse practices for my kids. Some people play games...I read loveshack.

 

I think it's easy to get lost in the emotion of a relationship and ignore red flags. A lot of my posts are about noticing red flags and charcter issues, making better choices, looking out for yourself, etc.

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