WhoreyBull Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 All of a sudden I should be like, well since Tom smacks his mom, I should smack her too? Or because you just pinch her on the bum you are treating her "better", so you can't be judged on the same level as Tom, no way! 2
GorillaTheater Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 No, you wouldn't. But thinking that it's ok to treat a living thing poorly (whether spouse or animal) because the person who "owns" it says it's ok... Well, I think that's a first step in dehumanization after which I can understand a slippery slope to why some in affairs eventually conspire to kill off the other party. Why would you let the expectations of someone who obviously lacks empathy at all effect your own decision. I wasn't too sure of what to make of your UserID at first, but I think you bear watching.
KathyM Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 No, you wouldn't. But thinking that it's ok to treat a living thing poorly (whether spouse or animal) because the person who "owns" it says it's ok... Well, I think that's a first step in dehumanization after which I can understand a slippery slope to why some in affairs eventually conspire to kill off the other party. Why would you let the expectations of someone who obviously lacks empathy at all effect your own decision. That's a good point--the role that dehumanizing takes in an affair. By blocking out or ignoring the damage being done to the BS, or laying it all on the WS, that is the way that OW/OM can live with themselves. By dehumanizing the BS. By rationalizing that it is all on the MM as to the destruction of the marriage/the spouse. The OW/OM distances himself from the destruction in order to protect his own ego, which he/she tries to maintain. Just like a sociopath that dehumanizes his victim in order to be able to carry out the crime against his victim. Part of treatment for sociopaths is getting them to hear the testimonies of their victims and other victims of similar crimes. That enables them to develop empathy and turn from their abuse of others. That is one thing that is good about LS, is that it brings together the APs, WSs and the BSs, and the APs can read how their behavior has affected the BS, and maybe by reading these testimonies, it will help to build empathy where it was previously lacking. Although some are a little resistant to allowing themselves to empathize as an ego defense measure. It would be nice if they would allow themselves to empathize. 7
Silly_Girl Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I am categorically NOT pro-affair. I'd never seek it out, I think it's a tough route to happiness and very often a short route to misery. That said, I'm a realist who has a lot of empathy, which leaves me unable to condemn or judge those that do, and I'm likely to be more open-minded than some others. 1
ComingInHot Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 thatjust happened, " For me, it is my R, and everyone can mind their own business, and I won't butt into yours. That is, of course, unless I ask your opinion or you ask mine." Fighting for what is right to gaining freedom to live according to the morals and ethics people gave their life for to becoming a strong nation built on those amazing principles to making certain exceptions to those principles to acknowledging "exceptions for every rule" to becoming desensitized by how many exceptions to the founding goodness, to tolerance of deviating away from the morals & ethics to becoming complacent to end up with a broken nation made up of broken people. How a nation dies, read above again* Pretty sure that makes me Anti-Affair... 3
sweet_pea Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 I am completely "anti-affair." I am against personal happiness when it's at the expense of others. When a relationship involves deceiving others, being dishonest/lying being selfish and knowingly hurting someone in general, I'm against it. 9
Henni Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Oh, there have been OW on here who have stated quite clearly that they date ONLY married men. THAT would most DEFINITELY be "pro-affair." I would like to read those posts, where are they? 1
Henni Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 There have been two, specifically, that I quite clearly recall, as I'm sure do others. I can't link them here because that is against TOS as I understand them. Sick, eh? It's not against TOS to pm a link to them, please do.
Henni Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 ok I've seen now that some were pm'd to another poster. I have not seen that, and I don't agree with that attitude at all. I've seen far more people who have gotten into an affair due to falling in love and making mistakes of the heart. It's not an excuse, but there is the reality that many marriages are very unhappy and many people are happier out of them, often with a new person, and although ideally one should happen before the other, life is not ideal.
KathyM Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 At the risk of sounding like a broken record . . . most affairs start while the WS has no intention of divorcing. He/she is looking for external validation outside of his marriage, or looking for additional sexual experiences beyond what he gets in his marriage. He is not looking to divorce. Sometimes when marriages are going through rough times, they become especially vulnerable to an affair/infidelity, but when succumbing to an affair, it is usually not with the intent to divorce. Most marriages go through rough times, if not all marriages. If people have the where-with-all and patience to hold on and not go down the road of infidelity, they usually find things get better a few years down the road in their marriage. Could be even sooner if efforts are made to seek marriage counseling or work on the marriage. Since 75% of second marriages end in divorce, switching spouses doesn't appear to be a good plan in the long run.
steveT95 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Murder is more forgivable than an affair. In my opinion, there can be a reason and explanation for murder but an affair? If you are unhappy just leave. 1
Ms. Red Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Murder is more forgivable than an affair. In my opinion, there can be a reason and explanation for murder but an affair? If you are unhappy just leave. Wow! Just Wow! 3
TheGuard13 Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Does this forum have an eyeroll? Oh...here it is.
Shepp Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 And theres the uninformed other party who've done nothing but tried to make there mariage work, while the person they trust lies to themand goes around behing there back breaking there heart! Im so anti-affair! If you wanna be 'free' ***** another girl then dont get married! Or break up first! i think pro-affair people have an image that eh world revolves around them and everyone else is put on it for there convenience!! 2
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