Smiley88 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Cant handle this anymore..its turned into an obsession, my head hurts from overthinking and i cant stop..its about to explode..cant concentrate on anything..my work suffers, my education... I keep imagining, the life we could have had..she was perfect for me..she is an awesome girl... I made some mistakes, i was a bit immature and a little bit selfish in the relationship..but i truly love her..i do not deserve to suffer like this..cant take this anymore.... Seeing therapist tomorrow..i just think i threw away the biggest chance of happieness of my life..because i am young and did not know what i wanted out of life..(im 24) need help 1
ZealousJJ Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Oh hun, I'm so sorry.. I'm going through exactly the same thing. I feel like I can't even breathe. If it is possible, let her know how you feel. Try to make right what was wrong. At least tell her how you really feel about her, because she deserves to hear that. Try anything you can. After that, the ball in in her court. They always say if you love something set it free. Let her know how you feel about her and give her the space to come back if she want's. If she doesn't, it's just too late. I know this sounds like a horrible scenario because I feel the same way about a guy I love. But you can't force love. Let it go. Hurt. Talk about it and move on. I'll have to do the same. Someday someone else WILL come along and fill your heart again. I promise. 2
Author Smiley88 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Posted April 9, 2013 Im scared to death that no one as special as her will come along...i had a big chance in life and i blew it..because of my lack of life experience...and selfishness.. Im a mess...1,5 months after BU and i cant sleep, i dream about her,cant shake the feeling i lost my only chance of happieness in life I miss her to death, my head hurts..i cant enjoy life anymore..I live with these regrets day by day..its unbearable
aeren944 Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 Hey man, First off, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I went thru a bad breakup about 3 years ago, and was in the same spot as you. I can tell you that it will get better. Honestly, it will. It will not get better overnight, and you just have to endure the pain. It's hard, but it's not undoable... I am proof of that. It sucks, and I've felt the same as you... that I would never find someone like her, that I ****ed up my ONLY chance... I can tell you to take solace in the fact that you're young. I had a girlfriend that I felt the same way about, when I was 23, but that's nothing compared to the one that messed me up. I'm telling you, you haven't messed anything up. You're going to be just fine, even though everything in your being fears that you won't. It's part of the human experience... and it sucks... but many people in the past, and many people in the present are dealing with the same thing. You will be okay, man! 1
Author Smiley88 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 I dont know...Im sleeping less and less..i think im going to need Therapy... I keep blaming myself..cant concentrate on anything..feel like i have lost my biggest chance in life..i blame myself non-stop.. We also work together..whenever i see her my heart explodes.. As im writing this.im extremely tired from lack of sleep, im at work and i cant do anything.. I see no way out of this..suicide is not an option..im 24..she was my 1st love, but i do not see a way out..i was always unhappy when it came to love..it never worked out..she was amazing and it worked..until i screwed it up by not knowing how to act responsible..and not knowing i wanted such a serious relationship Im exhausted..dont know how much more of this i can take..
aeren944 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Understood, man. I need to tell ya... there's not a way out. You have to go through it... through it, man. It sucks, and I'm SURE working with her is incredibly hard, too. Mine was my first love, too. I suffered because of it. The lack of sleep is normal. Part of making it through this is learning to make adjustments to make yourself better. Like you said, you didn't know how to act responsible. That's another thing to learn from this... how to treat the next one. Let me also tell you that there will, in fact, be a "next one". Take care to KNOW that. It's just the truth. You will get another chance. This is the crappy part, but this is the part where you learn. Concentrate on yourself... be selfish. You will get yourself thru this. You will be better, too. I say this from pure experience.
Am4Real Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Seeing a professional is the right thing to do. It will be most helpful after a few sessions. Good for you. As for anyone special coming along after her...if you only knew the treasures you are about to discover. Some will sweep you off your feel and maybe a few will let you down along the way, regardless keep an open mind to love and happiness. The road of life is long and there will be many rewarding experiences. Trust us when we tell you we've all been through this... Try and get some rest.
Panda87 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I dont know...Im sleeping less and less..i think im going to need Therapy... I keep blaming myself..cant concentrate on anything..feel like i have lost my biggest chance in life..i blame myself non-stop.. We also work together..whenever i see her my heart explodes.. As im writing this.im extremely tired from lack of sleep, im at work and i cant do anything.. I see no way out of this..suicide is not an option..im 24..she was my 1st love, but i do not see a way out..i was always unhappy when it came to love..it never worked out..she was amazing and it worked..until i screwed it up by not knowing how to act responsible..and not knowing i wanted such a serious relationship Im exhausted..dont know how much more of this i can take.. Hi Smiley88, i have same experience as you. You have only 2 options: 1. apply for leave, go have a short getaway with your friend. Just go out, and see the world. It will help alot, as what you have in your mind 24 hours is only HER. 2. Change your job, If its possible. Seriously dont torture yourself. You see right now its not her who hurting you but it is you. You keep imagining the good side of her, everything about her is good. Stop seeing her, you will soon realize she is not that perfect for you. It is not your fault that the relationship failed, if she is for you she will not leave you no matter what happen. Even with your mistakes, if she really love you she will stay. So dont blame yourself, we all human. Human make mistakes, you see all those long term relationship why do you think they stay so long? do you think they never mistakes to each other? They did, but they stay because they compromise each other weaknesses. Just feel what you want to feel, let it out. But dont do anything stupid to yourself, what good will come out from that? Ask yourself that, if you keep blaming yourself, what good thing will come? Nothing! So instead let me ask you if you go out there see the world, make friends, spend time with your family, take as many pictures as you can, enjoy good food and focus on what you have you will feel lighter and less hurt. Sooner you will feel happy again then you'll meet someone like her again or even better. Expect the unexpected Sometimes you just cant stop loving that one person, you just learn to live without them. Endure the pain for now, appreciate of what you have instead of focusing what you cant have. We all go through the same things as you, so please believe in us when we say it will get better God Bless you always, smiley88
Author Smiley88 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Im a moron..end of.. I will always hate myself for letting her go..and acting like i did..selfish and childish I now envision the life we could have had..if only i knew how to act..and knew what i wanted.. im 24..and only now do i know what i want from life..a family..her..it sucks
Author Smiley88 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I would like to keep this job...as its pays pretty well..but at the moment..i cant concentrate on anything..this breakup destroyed my whole life/future:), and i blame myself for 99% of it.. Each day is a living hell..work is hell.. getting up everyday just so i can feel this pain over and over..this is not a life.. Only after i lost her, i remember not being all that happy before her either,but she made me forget that..now..im all alone again..and lost the love of my life..because she was my 1st real relationship..and didnt know how to act, took her for granted,was a little selfish..
Renard99 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 So you say your break up has destroyed your whole life...... So your life revolved solely around one woman? Your life doesn't include a job, friends, family, money, place to live.... simply one woman and that was it? As for ruining your future... so not only do you know exactly what will happen in the future, but you also know that you will not be able to do anything ever again because you don't have that woman with you. As for where you say that no one as special as her will come along again and that you lost her through lack of experience because it was your 1st love. Well first off, have you met every person in the world? No. So how do you know she's the best there ever will be? Second, how do you think people get experience in love and relationships. It certainly isn't because we're all perfect with our first loves. It's because we have our 1st love, and a 2nd, and maybe a 3rd, or even a 4th.... but what we do is take those mistakes that we all make, because we're human, and apply the lessons we learn to the next relationship. You can't be perfect on your first try. Don't beat yourself up about it I know the above sounds harsh, and I'm honestly no trying to be, but I hope you can see that, in reality, it really just sounds a little silly. What you are saying is that you are and will always be totally dependant on one person. Do you want to be in that position? Assuming that the answer is no then fight for your independence..... fight to be different and fight to be the person you want to be. You'll be better for it. 1
aeren944 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 So you say your break up has destroyed your whole life...... So your life revolved solely around one woman? Your life doesn't include a job, friends, family, money, place to live.... simply one woman and that was it? As for ruining your future... so not only do you know exactly what will happen in the future, but you also know that you will not be able to do anything ever again because you don't have that woman with you. As for where you say that no one as special as her will come along again and that you lost her through lack of experience because it was your 1st love. Well first off, have you met every person in the world? No. So how do you know she's the best there ever will be? Second, how do you think people get experience in love and relationships. It certainly isn't because we're all perfect with our first loves. It's because we have our 1st love, and a 2nd, and maybe a 3rd, or even a 4th.... but what we do is take those mistakes that we all make, because we're human, and apply the lessons we learn to the next relationship. You can't be perfect on your first try. Don't beat yourself up about it I know the above sounds harsh, and I'm honestly no trying to be, but I hope you can see that, in reality, it really just sounds a little silly. What you are saying is that you are and will always be totally dependant on one person. Do you want to be in that position? Assuming that the answer is no then fight for your independence..... fight to be different and fight to be the person you want to be. You'll be better for it. This guy has it right, completely. It's not that it's silly, it's just the truth. Right after my breakup, I had crazy thoughts like that, too... how she destroyed my life, and all that... but I realized that it's another part of learning. Like my first love, then my 2nd, and finally my 3rd, so far... and I've learned MUCH from each. What I like, what I dislike, who I can trust, how I know I can trust people, etc, etc... it's a patchwork of those relationships, that I valued... that were SO real, they were my whole life, as you put it. And I've had 3... 1
aeren944 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Just to be clear, it's not meant to minimize your pain, as if it doesn't matter. It's just that you're talking to people who have made it through. I don't want to make it seem like it's nothing. That **** is hard. I know about thinking about the future with this girl... embracing it, moving toward it, and then blam! Bullet to the heart. And you emotionally die... crumple like a piece of paper... and you lie there, bleeding emotionally... unable to stop it. I feel like that's where you are now. The thing is, in my experience, I became more numb to the pain, and it began to SLOWLY scab over. The pain would be emotionally unbearable and it literally tired my emotions out... to where I had to be numb. And in the numbness, as it healed, I began to realize that I was alright... that crap REALLY sucked... but I'm alright. So, what can I do to prevent that? Honestly, I'm sitting at work really bored... thus the rambling, but I hope you get my point. You're still young. 24 is perfect. You will survive this. 1
jjjman Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 OMG Smiley, you are going through the exact same thing as I am right now. Except I m 25. Yes, Im work suffered, I don't have motivation for anything. I hate myself for being selfish and not supportive of her. After two and a half months, she is seeing someone now. Knowing that complete destroyed me I m going to see a doctor on monday................ Best of luck my friend.
Darren Steez Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I would like to keep this job...as its pays pretty well..but at the moment..i cant concentrate on anything..this breakup destroyed my whole life/future:), and i blame myself for 99% of it.. Each day is a living hell..work is hell.. getting up everyday just so i can feel this pain over and over..this is not a life.. Only after i lost her, i remember not being all that happy before her either,but she made me forget that..now..im all alone again..and lost the love of my life..because she was my 1st real relationship..and didnt know how to act, took her for granted,was a little selfish.. First off no one is more special than you. Do you understand that? You made each other feel great, she gave you something and you gave her something back..that's a relationship, it's never one sided. But Everything starts from you. Whatever happened in the past happened. Regret it, learn from it then move on. What does wallowing do? What does feeling sorry for yourself do? If you think you need someone else to make you feel happy then you have a problem. Step back and focus on yourself. Be comfortable with yourself. Being so dependent on another in future relationships only leads to unbalanced relationships.
LumberJack Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 I've been there man. Not too long ago either. Roughly a year ago. Couldn't concentrate on anything - one gray day melting into another. Couldn't stop thinking for a friggin' second. Had terrible nightmares. Blood, gore, falling down, being chased. She was *everywhere*, but then only in my head really. Became suicidal. I remember thinking "I can't take another day like this". Saw a therapist for a few months. Got tired of all the shrinking eventually. Started taking pills. Stopped after two weeks 'cause I didn't wanna depend on them. At one point I started finding comfort in the thought that every passing day brings me closer to the grave. I know that might sound bleak, but it was the first oddly comforting thought I could find and believe. I dropped out of school (probably would've happened anyways), went back to my old gardening job, to my hometown. Felt like the biggest loser out there. Six months later I packed my bag, hopped a bus and rode it out to the desert to do some minimum-wage agricultural work. I couldn't stand my hometown anymore. I knew I needed change or I was going to rot. Suddenly I had a whole new set of people in my life. People from my old life could only reach me by phone or net - and because I spent most of my free time before I left wallowing on the couch and not returning calls most of them didn't bother. Suddenly life was new again. I was very anti-social at first (force of habit), but I quickly adapted to my new surroundings. I reworked my diet. On the SCD now - changed the way I feel in ways I never would have imagined. I was always underweight. Dangerously so. I'd sometimes go for a whole day on a small bowl of pasta. Suddenly I was having 3 full, easily digestable meals a day. Started walking every morning to see the sunrise. The fog was lifting - and it was happening quicker everyday. Instead of cyber-stalking her, I was looking at mandolins and bikes - sometimes even planning a career for myself! I remember waking up one day after I dreamed about another girl I had just met. It was the first time I've smiled (without faking it) in months. This period, while being the most difficult in my life thus far, has brought about enormous growth. I feel more in tuned with myself than I ever was before. I've been doing thing I've never done before. Does it hurt? Sure does. But less. Much less. Sometimes I don't even feel it. Find what gets you by. Take it one day at a time. If that doesn't work - one second at a time. Try different things. Eat right, exercise. Even if you can't sleep - be organized about it. Put aside enough time to get a good night's sleep. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want, and let go of the shame and just love yourself. I remeber thinking "if I ever make it through this - I can make it through anything". I'm telling you now - I know I've seen the worst of it. It spikes and then it fades out. It will for you too. You'll make it through. Believe it. 1
aquietgirl Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 dont worry op. life for you will get better. i promise just go and get some rest.
Author Smiley88 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Update after 4 months..dont want to discourage people..but for me..it doesnt get better. Being depressed and crying for 4 months everyday is taking its toll. I tried therapy, didnt really work, have the occasional suicidal thought,although not strong enough to act on it... I quit my Job, cant stand being around her, watch her life unfold with some other man, the life i could have had with her if i werent such a child. I know deep done that i will never be as happy as i was with her, and only now do i realise how lonely i was before i met her. Its funny how such a thing can alter your whole life, and no..not for the better. I have now wasted 4 months of my life being miserable..and i will continue to do so as i do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, as i will live my whole life regretting that i lost her..awesome. I know everything i say seems overdramatic..but it isnt. I lost all ambition, motivation, pleasure in life. What is the point of living such a grey life ?
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