am i being too forward

[Emilia]

If I was a girl and a guy dropped that on me out of the blue with the relationship not being anywhere near that point, or if a guy brought up the topic too many times to the point of annoyance, or if I was in a really foul mood / sick / PMSing, I could see having that reaction and it being at least somewhat legitimate. So no, we don't really know for sure.

 

do you think women are an alien species?

[jusjus]

She did respond by text saying she doesnt want to be "tied down" so she clearly doesnt want to be rushed or pushed into committing. If I withdraw will she not think I am being slightly immature myself?

 

She has invited me to hers on Wednesday to meet her mate - news just in!!

[ChessPieceFace]

do you think women are an alien species?

 

Do you think rhetorical barbs are a substitute for discussion?

 

Men aren't women, and women aren't men, for starters. So yes, men and women are alien to each other to an extent. In my case I've been around women a lot more than men, so in some ways I understand them better than I do men.

 

I think you lack imagination and/or trust OPs of threads too much. There's 2 sides to every story. It's REALLY that hard for you to imagine a clueless guy who casually dated you for 2 months, suddenly without warning springing the word "commitment" at an inappropriate time in an awkward manner, and you being totally shell-shocked? If I was already under a blanket, putting it over my head in that situation isn't necessarily that much of a stretch.

 

She did respond by text saying she doesnt want to be "tied down" so she clearly doesnt want to be rushed or pushed into committing. If I withdraw will she not think I am being slightly immature myself?

 

I am definitely not a relationship expert, but I am at least sure that you can't make the request you made and then pretend like it never happened. I wasn't there, I didn't hear your speech or feel the mood in the room prior to it, and I wasn't on your 2 months of dates leading up to it. But feel free to get more peoples' opinions for a broader perspective. I just don't know how much it will help, cause no one else on this forum was there either.

 

I will say this -- if you were good at reading women, you would almost definitely never have said what you said, at the time you said it and the way you said it, because you'd have known it was not going to get a good reception. Generally you look for SIGNALS that your romantic interest is open and receptive to such a statement of commitment before making it.

 

Has anything like this happened to you in the past? Do you have quite a few "awkward moments" with women? I'm really not trying to talk down to you here, I just think maybe there's something there. And I've had PLENTY of my own awkward moments with women.

[Cutiepie1976]

I have already told her how i feel about really liking her, neither I nor her are seeing anyone else. She sent me a text yesterday saying "that we can carry on as we are - i dont want to get tied down!"

Basically, i`m now confused because i have kind of stuck my neck out and told her how i feel and got absolutely nothing in response apart from that text 2 days later which is kind of deflating. Any advice on where she is at please? or what to do?

Thanks

I think you handled things well on your end.

 

Hate to rain on this parade, but you're on totally different pages. She doesn't say she's not quite ready. That would be reason to hope that things would eventually progress. Instead, she paints a relationship with you in a very negative light and states it's something she doesn't want with you. She didn't even want to discuss things initially. Expect nothing more than a casual relationship.

 

I believe what people tell me, rather than rationalizing why they don't really mean what they say but will want what I want if I do XYZ just right. Saves a lot of time, wasted effort, grief, and unnecessary heartache hoping for what will never be.

Edited April 8, 2013 by Cutiepie1976

[jusjus]

Do you think rhetorical barbs are a substitute for discussion?

 

Men aren't women, and women aren't men, for starters. So yes, men and women are alien to each other to an extent. In my case I've been around women a lot more than men, so in some ways I understand them better than I do men.

 

I think you lack imagination and/or trust OPs of threads too much. There's 2 sides to every story. It's REALLY that hard for you to imagine a clueless guy who casually dated you for 2 months, suddenly without warning springing the word "commitment" at an inappropriate time in an awkward manner, and you being totally shell-shocked? If I was already under a blanket, putting it over my head in that situation isn't necessarily that much of a stretch.

 

 

 

I am definitely not a relationship expert, but I am at least sure that you can't make the request you made and then pretend like it never happened. I wasn't there, I didn't hear your speech or feel the mood in the room prior to it, and I wasn't on your 2 months of dates leading up to it. But feel free to get more peoples' opinions for a broader perspective. I just don't know how much it will help, cause no one else on this forum was there either.

 

I will say this -- if you were good at reading women, you would almost definitely never have said what you said, at the time you said it and the way you said it, because you'd have known it was not going to get a good reception. Generally you look for SIGNALS that your romantic interest is open and receptive to such a statement of commitment before making it.

 

Has anything like this happened to you in the past? Do you have quite a few "awkward moments" with women? I'm really not trying to talk down to you here, I just think maybe there's something there. And I've had PLENTY of my own awkward moments with women.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I think you could be right, possibly letting my emotions overpower my empathy for the situation and hers. However, as I said, she has invited me over on Weds to meet her friend for the 1st time - so go or dont go? Isn`t introducing one to friends a good sign? or is she just wanting another opinion to put the boot in?

[Emilia]

Do you think rhetorical barbs are a substitute for discussion?

 

Men aren't women, and women aren't men, for starters. So yes, men and women are alien to each other to an extent. In my case I've been around women a lot more than men, so in some ways I understand them better than I do men.

 

I'm merely pointing out that you don't know what you are talking about. Someone who thinks silly and immature behaviour should be excused because the person displaying it is a woman should not be giving advice on relationships. You have been around some questionable women.

[Emilia]

as I said, she has invited me over on Weds to meet her friend for the 1st time - so go or dont go? Isn`t introducing one to friends a good sign? or is she just wanting another opinion to put the boot in?

 

OP, hope you don't mind personal questions: how many girlfriends have you had so far? How many women have you dated? Why do you feel you need to hang on to this one?

[jusjus]

OP, hope you don't mind personal questions: how many girlfriends have you had so far? How many women have you dated? Why do you feel you need to hang on to this one?

 

Thanks for replying.

 

2 LTRS

Dated 10-15 women

Well I want to hang on to her because out of all the women she is the one I have loads in common with, like lots - for eg, I have been playing guitar for 25 years now and the first time I went round to hers, there was her own guitar on a stand, amp plugged in and that really impressed me. Anyway, there are loads of other things - that was just one. I jam with her too - she isnt great , but she does want me to teach her to get better. (guitar)

Very pretty also.

Does this help?

[Star Gazer]

She did respond by text saying she doesnt want to be "tied down" so she clearly doesnt want to be rushed or pushed into committing. If I withdraw will she not think I am being slightly immature myself?

 

I don't think she's saying she doesn't want to be rushed or pushed into committing. She's quite plainly telling you she doesn't want to commit - PERIOD.

[Emilia]

Thanks for replying.

 

2 LTRS

Dated 10-15 women

Well I want to hang on to her because out of all the women she is the one I have loads in common with, like lots - for eg, I have been playing guitar for 25 years now and the first time I went round to hers, there was her own guitar on a stand, amp plugged in and that really impressed me. Anyway, there are loads of other things - that was just one. I jam with her too - she isnt great , but she does want me to teach her to get better. (guitar)

Very pretty also.

Does this help?

 

Wasn't sure whether you were scared of giving her up for fear of being on your own but I suppose now I know your reason.

 

It's all very well for shared interests and dating a hottie - who doesn't like that - but she doesn't seem to be on the same page as you and she seemed really disrespectful to you.

 

I do not think that you were forward at all. I think that she isn't right for you and that she isn't a particularly nice girl.

[jusjus]

Wasn't sure whether you were scared of giving her up for fear of being on your own but I suppose now I know your reason.

 

It's all very well for shared interests and dating a hottie - who doesn't like that - but she doesn't seem to be on the same page as you and she seemed really disrespectful to you.

 

I do not think that you were forward at all. I think that she isn't right for you and that she isn't a particularly nice girl.

 

So could the reason she isn`t on the same page as me because we just moved (or rather I did) at a rate of knots not really stopping for the signals along the way?

[Emilia]

So could the reason she isn`t on the same page as me because we just moved (or rather I did) at a rate of knots not really stopping for the signals along the way?

 

if you read the post below (from your very first post in this thread) and a friend of yours was talking about this girl instead of you, what you would say to your friend? Especially about the bolded part?

 

I have already told her how i feel about really liking her, neither I nor her are seeing anyone else. She sent me a text yesterday saying "that we can carry on as we are - i dont want to get tied down!"

[jusjus]

if you read the post below (from your very first post in this thread) and a friend of yours was talking about this girl instead of you, what you would say to your friend? Especially about the bolded part?

 

I`d say to him, she aint into you mate

[Emilia]

I`d say to him, she aint into you mate

 

That might be harsh but I'd say it's a girl who isn't ready for a serious relationship and the way she went about it was just really off for a 27 year-old.

 

Can you date her for a little longer just to be sure?

[jusjus]

That might be harsh but I'd say it's a girl who isn't ready for a serious relationship and the way she went about it was just really off for a 27 year-old.

 

Can you date her for a little longer just to be sure?

 

Yeah I can, after what I asked though, won`t it just be a slippery slope till I get to the bottom?

[Emilia]

Yeah I can, after what I asked though, won`t it just be a slippery slope till I get to the bottom?

 

How scared are you of being hurt?

[jusjus]

How scared are you of being hurt?

 

Not so much now I can actually talk to someone about it. It`s a relief tbh

[Emilia]

Not so much now I can actually talk to someone about it. It`s a relief tbh

 

That's what we are here for

 

Soccerprpr usually gives good advice from male point of view so it's worth listening to him. He says maybe try to talk to her again to see whether she can act maturely. IF and only IF you think she deserves more of your time, do try to talk to her perhaps. If she keeps behaving in such an immature manner you will likely go off her anyway to be honest. Mature people usually end up resenting immature ones regardless of hotness - in my experience

[jusjus]

That's what we are here for

 

Soccerprpr usually gives good advice from male point of view so it's worth listening to him. He says maybe try to talk to her again to see whether she can act maturely. IF and only IF you think she deserves more of your time, do try to talk to her perhaps. If she keeps behaving in such an immature manner you will likely go off her anyway to be honest. Mature people usually end up resenting immature ones regardless of hotness - in my experience

 

Great, thank you. Just another quick one though, she wants me to meet her mate in a few days time...good idea?

[Emilia]

Great, thank you. Just another quick one though, she wants me to meet her mate in a few days time...good idea?

 

Are you going to see her beforehand? Only because it might be awkward if you see her after your last conversation with another person being there and not being able to talk to her freely.

[jusjus]

Are you going to see her beforehand? Only because it might be awkward if you see her after your last conversation with another person being there and not being able to talk to her freely.

 

Going round hers to do some cooking, then her mate is coming over for dinner

[Emilia]

Going round hers to do some cooking, then her mate is coming over for dinner

 

Are you doing the cooking?

[jusjus]

Are you doing the cooking?

 

probably most of it - but she will help - i know she will

[Emilia]

probably most of it - but she will help - i know she will

 

I don't know. I wouldn't cook for a guy and his mate in this situation. This is what I can tell you.

[jusjus]

I don't know. I wouldn't cook for a guy and his mate in this situation. This is what I can tell you.

 

hmmm maybe just pub it then... thanks for your time - you have been very helpful and easy to talk to. I`ll be back online later today.