jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Hi everyone. I`ve been dating a woman for 2 months, we get on well and things are going ok. However, when I asked her to have a discussion over possibly committing, I literally got no response and she just stared at the tele - honestly, it felt so weird and uncomfortable for about 30 seconds. Then she put the blanket over head - again weird, so I spoke up and said - I`m not asking you to make a decision now, just can we TALK about it and at least look me in the eye when i`m talking to you! she then took off the blanket and looked at me but with silence. Luckily, it was at the end of the date (at her house) so i could make a sharp exit. I have already told her how i feel about really liking her, neither I nor her are seeing anyone else. She sent me a text yesterday saying "that we can carry on as we are - i dont want to get tied down!" Basically, i`m now confused because i have kind of stuck my neck out and told her how i feel and got absolutely nothing in response apart from that text 2 days later which is kind of deflating. Any advice on where she is at please? or what to do? Thanks 1
Kaiten Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Aw man. That sucks but thats kinda how the game is played. The man tells the girl how she feels, and now all his cards are on the table. Its her move. And sometimes we just dont win. Where is she? She is exploring. She recognizes that you are one of many guys in the world and that she is not ready to be someone else's one and only. She is enjoying her freedom in singleness. Its not necessarily anything against you.
Kaiten Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 To answer your question though, I would say 2 months of feeling each other out is a good time for one of the people involved to want their relationship defined. 2 months at the earliest though. Although really, what it depends on is whats all happened in that 2 months and how often you two saw each other.
Archgirl Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Oh wow. This has happened to me. In reverse. You're freaking her out. She likes you and doesn't want to stop seeing you but you're waaay further down the track than she is. You getting no response is not weird - she was probably totally shocked and speechless. Being too direct and springing that on a chick can be really confronting and kinda aggressive. You have to respect that she is more hesitant to label things right now if you want to stay in her life. It doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same or is seeing other guys. Just that she takes longer to get to the "commitment zone" than you do. I would honestly just drop it and never be so direct about it again if you are really that into her. Let her get comfortable with you and let things evolve naturally. 1
Djz05 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Put it on the backburner. Some people take a lot longer to come up with an answer when confronted with this question. Now that you've planted this seed in her mind, it will be up to her to face this issue. Just go along as you are now, and if you are indeed comitted to making it to the next step just hang on and dont push her. Caveat though: some women like to be pushed. I've been told this by a few friends and their gfs but it is a rarity.
ali_g Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 As a thumb rule never ask a girl to be exclusive until she's showing major interest AND you're seeing her at least twice a week. 2
Noproblem Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 The blanket thing and you continuing to speak was cute 1
Djz05 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 The blanket thing and you continuing to speak was cute Agreed. I think that was adorable, if a girl did something like that in the same situation I would be too amused, answer or no answer. 1
Author jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 The blanket thing and you continuing to speak was cute Well at the time i thought it was a little disrespectful , but on reflection, i may have taken myself a little too seriously... 1
Giraffe1 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 If she's worth it wait it out and give her the time to come around.
soccerrprp Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Her behavior is absolutely juvenile, immature! Real red flags! If I were you, I would have kindly thanked her and walked out as soon as she put the blanket over her head. And stared blankly at you.... and ignored your question....Goodness.... 2
Author jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 thats what i thought! could there be an issue there worth addressing??
ChessPieceFace Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Not sure how old you are... anyway my general advice would be - you've laid it on the line and gotten rejected. If you just go on now like nothing's changed, you'll be playing the chump. I would go little or no contact for a couple weeks. Not to be stubborn about insisting on what you said, but just to show that what happened isn't OK. If you're the only one that cares about this relationship then it isn't a relationship, it's you being used. If she cares about the relationship, she can take the initiative and show that she cares about what she might be losing if you walk, and maybe have an adult conversation with you instead of acting like a child.
soccerrprp Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 thats what i thought! could there be an issue there worth addressing?? Can you imagine what it's going to be like with her in terms of communication? I can and it will likely be a long road of frustration. I don't know how old you or she is, but such behavior cannot be tolerated. Perhaps telling her that you'd like to have a mature conversation about this and see where it goes from there. Maybe she was very nervous about being confronted with such a question and so reacted in that manner. But, with all that said, she did not commit. So, at least for now, she is unwilling. So you know that you are both on different pages, levels of the relationship. 1
Author jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 yeah i guess, there are definitely some maturity issues with her because i am 31 and she is 27.... such a shame to walk away though because we have so much in common
Emilia Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 yeah i guess, there are definitely some maturity issues with her because i am 31 and she is 27.... such a shame to walk away though because we have so much in common I thought she was 16! ??? I can't fathom why you would like someone like her????? You are 31 and you are dating a person who is a teenager in her mind? Putting a blanket on like that makes her almost sound retarded for a 27 year-old 2
Author jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I thought she was 16! ??? I can't fathom why you would like someone like her????? You are 31 and you are dating a person who is a teenager in her mind? Putting a blanket on like that makes her almost sound retarded for a 27 year-old Well , so there could be a possibility of mental issues then?
Author jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Her behavior is absolutely juvenile, immature! Real red flags! If I were you, I would have kindly thanked her and walked out as soon as she put the blanket over her head. And stared blankly at you.... and ignored your question....Goodness.... So i havent done anything wrong then? not been too "agressive"
Emilia Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Well , so there could be a possibility of mental issues then? No, I just think she has perhaps progressed slower than her peers for whatever reasons.
ChessPieceFace Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 We don't know whether the girl is immature or whether the OP brought up the topic poorly/inappropriately or perhaps one too many times? But in any of those cases I stick by my advice of a temporary withdrawal to show that he has some kind of self-respect. You can't just lay your chips on the table, get ignored and then go on like nothing happened.
Emilia Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 We don't know whether the girl is immature or whether the OP brought up the topic poorly/inappropriately or perhaps one too many times? "I literally got no response and she just stared at the tele - honestly, it felt so weird and uncomfortable for about 30 seconds. Then she put the blanket over head - again weird," I think we know
Author jusjus Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 We don't know whether the girl is immature or whether the OP brought up the topic poorly/inappropriately or perhaps one too many times? But in any of those cases I stick by my advice of a temporary withdrawal to show that he has some kind of self-respect. You can't just lay your chips on the table, get ignored and then go on like nothing happened. She did respond by text saying she doesnt want to be "tied down" so she clearly doesnt want to be rushed or pushed into committing. If I withdraw will she not think I am being slightly immature myself?
ChessPieceFace Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 "I literally got no response and she just stared at the tele - honestly, it felt so weird and uncomfortable for about 30 seconds. Then she put the blanket over head - again weird," I think we know If I was a girl and a guy dropped that on me out of the blue with the relationship not being anywhere near that point, or if a guy brought up the topic too many times to the point of annoyance, or if I was in a really foul mood / sick / PMSing, I could see having that reaction and it being at least somewhat legitimate. So no, we don't really know for sure.
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