I just feel miserable

[AM34]

I do other things to keep my mind busy, to not focus on the breakup. I'm a 19 year old male. I go to school full-time, I work part-time, and I workout at the gym Monday through Friday. I go to community college, so most of my friends are away, but on the weekends, I still hang out with my friends who are home like me.

 

I was in a relationship with my ex for two months. I know, it's laughable to some, but the amount of time I spent with her doesn't accurately equate the feelings I had for her. Anyways, she broke up with me, just because she felt like we went through the usual "honeymoon" phase and after that wore off, she didn't see a future with me. I, on the other hand, was in love with her.

 

So it's been 2 months since the breakup. I'm better than I was, not exactly where I want to be, but nonetheless, better. Like I stated before, I try to keep myself busy. I still have feelings for her, but she's not coming back. She hasn't communicated with me in any way since the breakup. Simply put, she's a free spirit and as far as I'm concerned, I'm out of her life for good and it doesn't effect her.

 

I'm transferring to a university in the fall. For the time being, though, I'm in a rut. I don't try to talk to girls at my community college. I'm just focusing on myself, trying to improve myself physically and mentally, stay healthy, and just be positive. What I'm telling you is a typical, 19 year old breakup. I'm level headed, and I know that better times are ahead for me. I'm bright, attractive, smart, and a good guy. I know what I have to offer. I guess all I'm looking for is a little support....just to know that I'm not the only one who has a broken heart. Thanks for all your time.

[TheFriend]

Hey buddy you are def not alone. You are also absolutely correct that your best years are ahead of you. I know how you feel after the 2 month thing. When I was 22(I'm 27 now) i fell hard for a girl, very very fast. I thought I was crazy but we had everything in common!( I later found out she was a chameleon who changed to match the guys she was dating) anyways i guess what I am getting at is that this will make you stronger. I am a good guy as well, feel very good about my appearance and have a very level head as well. What that relationship taught me that being too good at that age can really bite you in the ass. I wore my heart on my sleeve prior, after that I built a fortress around my heart which no one penetrated until this last year. Enjoy the time at the university! Concentrate on school, and try not to worry too much about this girl. There will be many many others. Please remember to guard your heart! You don't need someone f****** with your heart/head with the excess stress of school.

 

Stay strong buddy

[uniqwa]

you are not the only one with a broken heart.. I just broke up with my bf two months ago.. I've tried everything, well not "everything" but I've tried hard.. I've gone on one date and on that date just cried about my ex to the guy, He told me I was a sweet and innocent girl and that I should get over my ex because he didn't love me, Typical advice, I've gotten from EVERYONE.. I'm 20.. The experiences, memories, They haven't faded for me yet.. Reality has shown it's presence to me.. You just pick your head up and you remember, your heart is not the first to break, Since the dawn of time there has been heart break, but you take the bad and you take every OUNCE and I literally mean EVERYTHING and you let it sooth your heart, because the lonely nights, days, they are present and may not go away any time soon.. BUT you learn to fight to live instead of just giving up and crawling under a rock. " I shall grieve not for what has past but rather find happiness in memories", Love is love no time frame can be placed on it.. Time is not what defines love.. YOU just learn that you can pick yourself up and live through it all.. Also know being broken hearted, You are not alone nor the first and not the last.. Know that your situation be be a little more "normal" I've literally had to resort to numbing myself to him aka killing the what if's. I wish other people used this method, It literally works.. I see people speak of "never forgetting their first love", what do you do when a beloved pet dies? Do you hold its dead body or do you burry it? Yes you loved scotty a lot and he died because it was your fault you left the backyard door open, but you visit his grave every now in then, at first you visit daily, then the daily spreads out, then it becomes weeks, then it becomes a memory, Yes you and scotty had good times, but none the less scotty " is dead" and should be treated as such.. You let all the feelings die, any way that you do, looking at pics of how happy is helps me... You have the " what if's" that's what I see a lot of people hung up on, so much so that they "never get over it", the key is to accept, 1. that person doesn't want you.. 2. YOU are much better then whoever the chose to be with. 3. There's only ONE of you.

.4. Literally killing the "what if's" is the best way to get over all the ****.. becoming numb, there's only so much pain the human body can withstand, There's a threshold to surpass and the mind is no different... Once you reach your peak of tolerance for the mental pain of not having that significant other, You will cause your " fight or flight" to kick in, its an innate instinct all humans have it.. It's a matter of finding what works best for you..

Remember.. Emotionally getting completely over someone is possible, despite how much love you had for them.. I'd hate to see you end up like a lot of the people here.. I feel the same way, but the instinct of " survival" even something on an emotional level, will cause your mind and body to react differently towards the situation.. Now looking at pics of him and how happy he is literally works best for me.. It acts as a numbing method..

I wanted to say this method should work, I've literally used it before for people I've had to let go..

Instinctual feelings of attraction are what bind us to the need of interaction towards a relationship.. There's nothing more to it.. It's all based on instinct, evolutionary connections of bonding, bonding to mates to reproduce and having offspring survive.. The "fight or flight" method, when you use it towards forgetting and letting go, literally does help because what you feel is something strongly based on instinct, Some people feel it stronger then others, that is innate the need for companionship is felt with different levels depending on the individual.. BUT if you use the " fight or flight" the instinct or feelings literally become numb.. You won't be depressed. I advise you to give it a try ( this is all based on my theory of how to "cope")

Edited April 8, 2013 by uniqwa

[AM34]

Thanks for the feedback and responses, much appreciated