2sunny Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 I was afraid you might say that. I have stayed because I know how great she can be when she's motivated. We have the type of connection that doesn't happen very often. We are totally comfortable being ourselves with each other. That said, I didn't think I was wrong in this. I didn't think I was expecting too much from her Let me explain a little more to give you an idea of the situation I'm in. First, I moved away from my home and family, over 700 miles, to be with her. So I have always been focused on making this work. It's not as simple as me leaving to stay with a friend or family member. As time has passed, it went from she and I being a couple, to she and I and her son being a family. You see, his real father is cold and neglectful with him, so when I came into his life and treated him well, he developed a strong attachment to me. Since then, we have bonded and become extremely close. My fiance and I live and act like a married couple, so when we have problems, I don't view it as something that I can easily just walk away from. I view us as a family, and I believe you fight for your family until there is no hope left. I know there is a good, respectful, committed person inside of her, but I don't know what to do to get her to be that person for the long haul. I know there is a selfish and destructive pattern going on here. I wish I could get her to understand that I don't want to control her; I just want to protect myself from getting hurt again. I would happily give up tracking and checking up on her if she showed me I could trust her. But it seems that every time she is tested, she doesn't handle it right, or she just outright disrespects me. The last thing I want to do is leave her and her wonderful son. I want to be here to treat her well, watch her son grow up, and have a good life. But I want to be treated well too, and I want to be able to count on her. Is there anything I can do to make her see what she is doing to me? Is there any way to change her mindset? I think that deep down, she thinks I will leave her, so she puts up walls and sabotages the relationship as a defense mechanism. We are in counseling, but I believe there is only so much he can do. I think change must come from within. Is there anything I can do to get her there? Thanks so much for the replies. I really appreciate it more than you know. You can't force her to change! Most folks - they will either cheat or they just absolutely won't! She's one that will. Do you really need to choose THAT for yourself? If you do - its guaranteed to be one long miserable life with her! Run- fast! Move far far away and don't look back!
TiredFamilyGuy Posted April 10, 2013 Posted April 10, 2013 Sounds like she is in denial / deceit about her needs for attention and victimhood. Trusting her would be a mistake. These issues are unaddressed by her. Staying is an invitation to more pain. 2
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