I get rated as a 7 or 8 but yet cannot find a boyfriend?

[pbjbear]

 

Actually, no. She seemed upset and I was wishing her well as she stated she was leaving.

 

Interesting deduction on your part though. lol

 

I was combining that and your nasty "go work on your personality" comments even though she described her personality in the first post and it seemed fine to me.

[Giraffe1]

When you start a thread asking for other's thoughts and opinions you are opening yourself up to judgment and hearing things you might not want to hear.

[CarrieT]

I would like this thread deleted.

I'm sorry - this site doesn't operate this way. What is here, stays here...

 

My personality is not the problem. Ive had tons of people say my personality is stellar. I am very friendly to EVERYBODY I meet. People I am not attracted to as well. Because I am a nice person!

I believe you, but we don't know you. A lot of what was said was based on speculation from similar threads by other people.

 

Joining this site was a mistake. Its full of judgmental hate filled people. Goodbye all.

I'm sorry you feel this way. If you stick around for a bit, you will see there are more here than just judgmental folks. Some here really do try to help others, but often it takes drawing out more information than was is initially supplied to determine the crux of an issue. Maybe you will return to expand upon these ideas.

[Poppy fields]

I was combining that and your nasty "go work on your personality" comments even though she described her personality in the first post and it seemed fine to me.

 

OK. They weren't nasty. I consider calling someone a bitch nasty, but that is just me. I hope the OP comes back because I think she took some of the comments the wrong way. Much like you did.

[Poppy fields]

I wouldn't have said you were stuck up, but 'have a nice life' is one of the bitchiest comments around.

So just be careful throwing it around unless you're trying to be a bitch.

 

OK. I will try to be more ''careful" lol

[bradybunch]

Are you saying that you are also a detached person?

 

I read that as being rather shallow; i.e., detached meaning not invested in other people insofar as how they think or who they are.

 

Your detachment could be a factor in the lack of a boyfriend. Even guys that are into good looking women occasionally want more than mere eye candy on their arms and if you have a detached personality, they may just be incredibly bored with you outside of the fact that you are attractive.

 

Just guessing...

 

No where did I ever say "looks mean everything"

 

I have been looking at these forums for awhile before joining and making my first post. I see over and over again here men say "you must not be that attractive" when women post their dating troubles so thats why I put my number. To show that I am not overestimating when I say I am seen as pretty.

 

Detached does not = shallow. Detached means not emotionally invested. I am not shallow. Not of the guys I have dated made alot of money or were that goodlooking. None were ugly, but I had several people tell me I was too cute for them. Id like someone I have common interests with and who makes me happy.

[ls32ssibm]

So we had an 8/10 24 year old gal join and you savages drove her away...damn you people!.

[Poppy fields]

No where did I ever say "looks mean everything"

 

I have been looking at these forums for awhile before joining and making my first post. I see over and over again here men say "you must not be that attractive" when women post their dating troubles so thats why I put my number. To show that I am not overestimating when I say I am seen as pretty.

 

Detached does not = shallow. Detached means not emotionally invested. I am not shallow. Not of the guys I have dated made alot of money or were that goodlooking. None were ugly, but I had several people tell me I was too cute for them. Id like someone I have common interests with and who makes me happy.

 

Have you considered joining a meet up group with some hobby that interests you? I think that is a great way to meet people in general, and they will see you in your element.

[bradybunch]

I am not insecure either which many of you insinuated.

 

Someone coming to a site like this and posting a topic because they dont want to talk about it with people in real life, does not make them insecure. Thats ridiculous.

[KungFuJoe]

I am not insecure either which many of you insinuated.

 

Someone coming to a site like this and posting a topic because they dont want to talk about it with people in real life, does not make them insecure. Thats ridiculous.

 

You're still here?

[tbf]

I would like this thread deleted.

 

My personality is not the problem. Ive had tons of people say my personality is stellar. I am very friendly to EVERYBODY I meet. People I am not attracted to as well. Because I am a nice person!

 

Joining this site was a mistake. Its full of judgmental hate filled people. Goodbye all.

There are two reasons why people reacted the way they did:

1. The simple logical deduction that if it's not your looks, it's your personality. Otherwise, what other reason would guys not be interested in a relationship since most men are quite visual and prioritize looks, above all else. So I wouldn't take this personally since no one knows you on this site so they have no historical reference point.
   
2. The second reason is that members on this site tend to be pretty harsh with people who don't display humility. How some members avoid the mobbing is to play the social manipulative compliment solicitation game, using humble bragging and self-deprecation.
   

[CarrieT]

No where did I ever say "looks mean everything"

Nor did I....

 

Detached does not = shallow. Detached means not emotionally invested.

That is why I was asking about your level of detachment and what its definition meant to you.

 

But you must realize that for some people, not being emotionally invested can APPEAR shallow. Which has nothing to do with looks and I think should be removed from the equation.

 

I don't care about your number or your looks or how other people view you. In order to investigate why YOU don't think you have a boyfriend, we have to dig deeper into your surroundings, how you interact with people, and what you have to offer a person. The only thing I had to grab onto in your first post (aside from the looks thing) was that sense of detachment.

 

So let's go beyond this. Tell us about your last relationship; what was good about it, what did you like about him, what did he like about you, what was great about you two as a couple, how long was it, and why did it end?

[ls32ssibm]

Did anybody here even suggest she may have crappy taste in men? She said she can get dates. You don't get dates looking like Slagathor. If I had to guess, she's probably attracted to players based on what she said.

[Divasu]

I think you'll find some people equate someone with very good looks equals having high standards, equals shallow. Rating yourself is what may have rubbed some people the wrong way.

 

What's your relationship history like. Give us some insight into who you are, the types of guys you go for, things like that.

[Divasu]

Based on your original description of your personality you sound fine. Truth of the matter is, most 24 year old men dont want relationships.

 

Divasu: She didnt rate herself. Tons of men rated her.

 

Sorry... Misread on my part.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If I were a young and single person, I'd run like the wind from anybody who bought into the stupidity of numerically rating people. I mean, for laughs, why not.

 

My daughter (25) and her smart friends are always making fun of it, so I know that it's not universally accepted. Thank God.

[bradybunch]

I dont like players. I tend to go for dorkier, quieter guys. The last guy I chose to stop seeing was after a few dates because I got the feeling he was a "player." He was a personal trainer. Like I said, most of the guys Ive dated have not been super goodlooking.

 

By detachment I mean not acting like you like someone such as being aloof. The last guy I dated was for 8 months. He was smart and polite and liked to do a variety of things which I liked. He said he liked that I wasnt super emotional and that I was independent. He was not very affectionate though and did not like to talk about his feelings. He didnt like to spend more than 1 day a week together and liked to plan everything last minute. Thats what I mean by detachment

[MissIndependant]

Don't sweat it.

 

It's all about how you put youself out there. Who cares if your a five or a ten?

 

To the right man it makes no difference because you will always be a ten to anyone who loves you.

 

Having said that, the whole rating scale is redundent because it is based purely upon an individuals preferences, you can't say universally that you are a 7 because what makes you a 7 for some will make you a 3 or a 9 for others. It's all just to subjective.

 

If you keep focusing on the scale, especially based on physical appearance, then I'm afraid that you might come of as insecure.

 

Also, keep in mind.... while looks are certainly what attracts someone in the beginning. It takes a combination of looks and personality to make someone want to commit. Your blend of looks may work for someone while your personality doesn't. And the right person will love both.

 

Love yourself for who and how you are and you'll attract someone who will love you the same. Simple.

[tbf]

The last guy I dated was for 8 months. He was smart and polite and liked to do a variety of things which I liked. He said he liked that I wasnt super emotional and that I was independent. He was not very affectionate though and did not like to talk about his feelings. He didnt like to spend more than 1 day a week together and liked to plan everything last minute. Thats what I mean by detachment

Were you happy dating someone who treated you like a convenience?

[ls32ssibm]

I dont like players. I tend to go for dorkier, quieter guys. The last guy I chose to stop seeing was after a few dates because I got the feeling he was a "player." He was a personal trainer. Like I said, most of the guys Ive dated have not been super goodlooking.

 

By detachment I mean not acting like you like someone such as being aloof. The last guy I dated was for 8 months. He was smart and polite and liked to do a variety of things which I liked. He said he liked that I wasnt super emotional and that I was independent. He was not very affectionate though and did not like to talk about his feelings. He didnt like to spend more than 1 day a week together and liked to plan everything last minute. Thats what I mean by detachment

 

 

How old do you usually date?

[Giraffe1]

I dont like players. I tend to go for dorkier, quieter guys. The last guy I chose to stop seeing was after a few dates because I got the feeling he was a "player." He was a personal trainer. Like I said, most of the guys Ive dated have not been super goodlooking.

 

By detachment I mean not acting like you like someone such as being aloof. The last guy I dated was for 8 months. He was smart and polite and liked to do a variety of things which I liked. He said he liked that I wasnt super emotional and that I was independent. He was not very affectionate though and did not like to talk about his feelings. He didnt like to spend more than 1 day a week together and liked to plan everything last minute. Thats what I mean by detachment

 

It sounds like these guys aren't too compatible with you. Spending just one day a week with you Tisk Tisk. I do relate its not easy to find someone who meshes well with you. Don't be so hard on yourself. The more guys you meet the higher chances you have of finding a guy who you deeply connect with.

[jma500]

I am not insecure either which many of you insinuated.

 

Someone coming to a site like this and posting a topic because they dont want to talk about it with people in real life, does not make them insecure. Thats ridiculous.

 

You spend roughly three quarters of your original post obsessing on your looks ratings and then declare you are not insecure? Why are you obsessed with these rating scales?

[pbjbear]

You spend roughly three quarters of your original post obsessing on your looks ratings and then declare you are not insecure? Why are you obsessed with these rating scales?

 

You are delusional...nowhere does she spend 75% of her OP "obsessing" over her looks.

 

I think its funny she said shes been reading these forums for awhile and put her number there as a way to safeguard against the backlash of "you are overestimating your attractiveness" from men on these forums. Its so true!!! That is what the guys on this site do!!!

[jma500]

You are delusional...nowhere does she spend 75% of her OP "obsessing" over her looks.

 

I think its funny she said shes been reading these forums for awhile and put her number there as a way to safeguard against the backlash of "you are overestimating your attractiveness" from men on these forums. Its so true!!! That is what the guys on this site do!!!

 

I did not say looks i said looks ratings. There is a difference. If anyone is delusional it is you. Nor did i say she was overestimating anything. If it makes you feel more important go ahead and put words in my mouth. Unfnbelievable.

[pbjbear]

I did not say looks i said looks ratings. There is a difference. If anyone is delusional it is you. Nor did i say she was overestimating anything. If it makes you feel more important go ahead and put words in my mouth. Unfnbelievable.

 

 

You missed my point. If she hadnt put her rating/looks number this thread wouldnt be about her personality, it would be about her looks and discussion around that. I think she didnt want to her "youre lying you cant be that pretty"

 

I have been coming to this site daily since October and that IS the way those threads go. It always turns into a looks discussion. Because that is what men heavily focus on...