sweetjess1951 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 This weekend has been super hard for me. My ex and I broke up at the end of October (he said he had to focus all his efforts and energy on bettering himself) but we never really stopped talking/dating/hanging out/being intimate. He really seemed to have personal lingering issues from his ex fiancé cheating on him (4 years ago) and every girlfriend doing the same or similar thing. He decided around Christmas that he wanted to date but at the end of January, he broke things off again saying that he couldn't give me what I wanted right now. I had had enough and said "f*ck you" and I never wanted to speak to him again. For the next week or so, he texted me and a lot of his fears finally came out. He said I was almost too good to be true and asked me how I change once I get comfortable in a relationship (apparently his ex fiancé was amazing until around the engagement and she did a complete 180). He also asked if I felt like I had any part in my ex going out all the time and doing drugs (as in, did I push him to do it) or my ex before that who wasn't ready to sleep with only one girl the rest of his life (although he tells me to this day that breaking up with me was the worst decision of his life). Eventually he worked his way back into us hanging out yet the thought of boyfriend/girlfriend and commitment seemed pretty scary to him. Things smoothed out until we got into an argument about me assuming he was texting other girls. I cried and he told me that he hated that I felt like he wants to just sleep around, that he was 31 and has had his fulfillment of casual sex, that this was about bettering himself. I left his house in tears. He texted me saying that he knew he hadn't treated me the way I deserve and that the timing was off. About 4 hours later he texted again saying that he wished we could find a mutual happiness, that he knew letting me go wasn't a good decision. When I responded "what do you think a mutual happiness is.", he said nothing. And the next day (Superbowl Sunday) I heard nothing but saw a picture his brother posted of him smiling at a Superbowl party. The next morning (Monday) I texted him saying I was hurt and disappointed that he ignored me. Again, nothing. We didn't speak the rest of the week or weekend. The next Monday I texted him saying I was so pissed at him but that I missed him. He immediately responded that he issed me so much, everything about me, and that he had lost his phone because he got so drunk at the party and that was why he didn't respond (um, but what about the rest of the days after he got his phone back?). Anyways, he asked to see me and I agreed and everything kind of went back to the way it was. Things were pretty great the last month to month and a half. He told me that he was going to throw out his "terms and conditions" and just let things happen. We spent more time together. He would text me super sweet things like how he was thinking about me and missed me. About 3 weekends ago, I went to his house on a Saturday night to hang out. He had been working all day so I waited on him hand and foot. When we went to bed, he told me he felt like come the end of summer, he would need to make a decision about us (long term). I asked why the end of summer and he said no specific reason, but he just didn't want me to stand demanding him give up things he wants to do (although he basis that off what he exes did because I've never told him to give up anything). He then said that he thought we should go out on more dates and that we could go out the next weekend. The next day, we went and ran errands and got lunch. While at lunch, he was telling me how he thought I'd really enjoy living in his apartment complex and wanted us to make a spreadsheet with our personal bills plus what it would cost to live at his place and to see what it would look like. Them after we finished and got back to his house, I got my stuff to leave. He leaned in to kiss me bye and said "love you". I was in shock and I think he couldn't believe he had said it. He hadn't said it since we broke up and had said he didn't feel like he could commit to "I love you". I just left and nothing else was said about it. The next weekend we got into a huge fight (blown up by him) because he wasn't inviting me to his parents house for Easter dinner with no real reason. I couldn't believe someone who talks about me moving in and marrying me didn't want to include me in family. Even though it upset me, I said it wasn't a big deal. He got mad and ignored me. I tried to talk to him nicely about it. He told me I was a nuisance because I'm always mad about the same thing (I've only been upset I wasn't included in his family get togethers 3 times in like 4 months). I told him that he should find someone that made him happy and that I felt like I could never do enough. That was good Friday and we haven't spoken since. I'm really hurt because I literally did everything for this guy. You name it, I did it. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, wrote his resume and cover letter, always went to his house, paid for our outings, was sweet... I could really go on and on. But I felt like nothing I did or the efforts I made were appreciated. I really feel taken for granted. And for him to tell me how perfect I was for him and talk about me being his wife....I'm just upset. I miss him a lot. But thinking back, I was always the one to break the silence and reach out. I always fixed things. I keep wondering if he thinks I'll eventually call, but I don't want to this time. I want to be appreciated and loved. I can't keep being punished for what his exes did to him. His insecurities come out with me because I'm successful. I have a college degree and a career and he is 31 with no degree and a pretty average paying job. He always thought if leave him for someone more "promising" and "successful". The problem is, I don't care about his job or the money. I liked him for him and the things we had in common and how happy we made each other. When others were around us, they told me how in love we looked. Ugh, I don't know. I want to know he misses me. I want to know he cares. I want him to realize what he has and not be afraid to be vulnerable. This is so frustrating
denxnis Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Ignore him and focus on yourself for a few months, he'll come around. He won't realize what he had until it's gone, the issue will repeat itself unless you take it serious and don't cave in like always.
Author sweetjess1951 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Ignore him and focus on yourself for a few months, he'll come around. He won't realize what he had until it's gone, the issue will repeat itself unless you take it serious and don't cave in like always. I'm really trying my hardest. Part of me really feels like he thinks I'll eventually call. But another part feels like he just doesn't care. It's been such a hard weekend I was also upset tonight because he has two younger brothers, one is engaged and the other has a girlfriend. While him and I were dating, I tried to get to know the two girls but they weren't interested. Then the fiancé started posting statuses about him and I on Facebook, like accusing us of deleting her shows off the DVR. Then they both really started ganging up on me, posting mean things on instagram and Facebook that were directed towards me. Eventually I blocked them because I just don't have time for that nonsense. In January, I tried to make another truce with them since I really don't like not getting along with people. They agreed and started following me/friended me on Facebook and twitter. Before him and I stopped talking this last time, the youngest brothers girlfriend (she's barely 21) unfollowed me on instagram. I saw tonight where she blocked me for seriously no reason. It makes me wonder why and if they are all talking about me (although my ex really dislikes her) and just makes me even more sad. It's so stupid but it's crazy how social media can make you feel like crap
Mcnulty Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Him and his brothers' girls seem like a right bunch of twats! You, on the other hand seem like a really decent intelligent lady...there's the mismatch...one that will never be right. You gave your all, got arsed around by a guy with no balls, who's hung up on his past...let him ruminate in his insecurities and find your self some happiness with someone who would be estatic to have one, such as you. I wish you strength and luck.
denxnis Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 It sounds harsh but these things really are like cancer, if you don't cut it all out it will continue to grow/spread. Anyone and anything related to your ex should be removed from your life, this includes social media, pictures, his friends/family. If you don't have the self-control to do that you will only get burned again, simple as that.
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