Dq1983 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Hello, I am 29 years old and this is my first time posting. This may be pretty long because I have a lot on my mind. I've been with my girlfriend who is 23 with a 10 month old baby for over 3 months now and when we first got together, everything was outstanding and I thought without a shadow of a doubt that she was the woman for me. Within a couple of months I started to second guess it. The problem started where she would act different or ignore me while in front of her family and would be afraid to show affection in any type of way, whether physical or emotional. I also felt at the time that I was sacrificing more in the relationship by driving 60 miles back and forth from where I live 2 or sometimes 3 days out of the weekend in order for us to spend time. Before that, she had never come out to where I live just to see me. We had a couple of arguments over everything that had been going on until I set the example and had a talk with her about the things that were going on. She's dated some losers as of recent and felt as though the things I was asking for in the relationship wasn't that important. For over a month things were awesome until what happened over the weekend. I noticed again that she had been acting real different with me after she went out with her friends on Friday night. Since then, she hasn't called as much as she normally would and when I went to her house last night, she seemed very distant and kind of as if she didn't want me there. She texted me after she had come back from a festival that "we" were supposed to be going to. She said she was not going the night before it and because her family and her good friend decided to go, she changed her mind. Last night, she was supposed to get a babysitter to watch her 10 month old and have us spend Saturday evening together, but to save her money and to include the baby, I told her not to and her response was that I would just come over and that she would cook and we'd watch movies. I ended up calling her today because I was bothered by how she acted last night and the fact that for the past couple of days I've initiated the contact. She told me that told me she feels bothered by something going on with me financially and felt that I was wrong for jokingly calling her 10 month old baby fat. As far as the financial thing, I made some pretty bad decisions in my early decisions that I am currently trying to get past, but I do feel like it's not a point where it's going to hinder her or the baby. I love both of them very much and would never put them into a situation like that if I wasn't ready. I also believe though if I'm willing to accept things that have happened in her past then she should be willing to do the same. As far as the baby, I've never been a father and I've taken her on as mines since the father decided to leave as soon as my girlfriend got pregnant. I explained to her that if we have any problems not to go silent and that we need to communicate about things that are bothering us. I still just have the doubt in my mind that she's losing interest.
forumvirgin Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 It sounds like you are being very kind to this girl and she is not treating you right. But if it seems like she is distancing herself, the only way to be sure is to ask if everything is OK. Its not going to be an easy question, and you might not like the answer, but it is better than staying somewhere you are not wanted or appreciated enough. I understand that things in this situation are made difficult because there is a child involved and I think its really great of you to stand up and take responsibility for the child even though it is not yours. But at the same time, you cannot stay in a dead relationship for the childs sake. You need to evaluate what you want, do you want to stay in the relationship? Do you want to make it work? And then you need to ask her. And if the answer from you and her is yes you need to identify and address what the problems are, and in a calm and adult manner. Hope this helps! Communication is always hard to start but is the most effective way of dealing with things.
Noproblem Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I think she is accepting you because you could be a potential good husband and father for her baby, the minute you had money problems she started making problems to leave you Conclusion: She doesn't love you enough!
soccerrprp Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I think she is accepting you because you could be a potential good husband and father for her baby, the minute you had money problems she started making problems to leave you Conclusion: She doesn't love you enough! This. Yes, she is looking for a suitable father and mate. When did she find out about your financial decisions? Did things start to go down hill about the time she found out? Anyway, she's likely brooding over the financial mistakes and whether you are suitable enough for her and her baby. 2
ChessPieceFace Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Sounds like she's not that into you, but just looking for a replacement "daddy" of sufficient "worth." ANY single mother is a huge red flag, always.* They'll always put 100% of the blame on the missing father but reality is always a 2-way street to at least some extent. I don't care if the father was the scum of the earth. At a MINIMUM it shows she has poor taste in men, and PROBABLY also serious issues with maintaining a stable relationship with men. (* I guess the only exception would be if her husband/BF died in a tragic accident that couldn't possibly be pinned on her.)
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