SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Now the nightmare didn't happen on the first date, but shortly thereafter. After my separation to my STBXW was finalized, I figured a few harmless meet and greets were in order. Ended up going on a coffee meet and greet with a nice young lady, who seemed to have her shizzle together. I was very forward with the fact that I am not actually divorced, but legally separated, so if that was a deal breaker, I would completely understand. She mentioned it wouldn't be an issue, as one is not defined by a separation. Coffee meet and greet goes well, we agree that we'll make plans for the Saturday coming (yesterday actually). We both figured bowling would be a good second get together as it's a good stress reliever and a low key event. Friday rolls around, and I end up pulling a double 24hr shift at my local fire hall, to make up for a mate that was sick. Finally finish my shift at 8am the following morning and hit my bed like the wrath of an angry God. I get a call around noon, that I'm needed on another shift immediately due to my specific training within my department. So up and out of bed, and bunker gear right back on. Now, admittedly I did forget about calling her about setting something up. But I figured I'll message her once I get onto the fire scene and get things under control. Suffice to say things were not under control, in the very least. Long story short, two fatalities (one a child and the other an early twenties Mother), and my shift ends at 1:30am the following morning, so now Sunday. The last thing going through my mind was that bowling thing I had wanted to attend. So I get home, emotionally and physically spent and crawl into my bed (bunker gear and all), and finally get to sleep. Around 2:30am, I get a phone call, thinking it's the department again. I'm up and ready to go and pulling on my boots as I answer. And it's a girl voice, saying how I am the biggiest piece of ***** in the world, how I'm a giant fa%^ot, I need to learn how to treat women and all that jazz. Of course I'm still waking up so I start asking questions about who this is, and what basis she has for these accusations. Long story short, the girl I was supposed to have the date with, got her friend to call me from an unknown number to tell me how much she hates me for missing your bowling get together. Once I tell this kind young lady who is screaming at me over the phone, I that I just got off a triple 24hr shift with two fatalities and as much as I am sorry for not informing the girl about my work schedule, I need to sleep and I find her tone offensive. 20 minutes later, she finally hangs on me telling me I'm the biggest piece of ***** ashhole she has ever known, and that her friend can do so much better than me. So LS community, did you wager I dodged a giant bullet here? Nevermind the fact that I have no control over my shifts, and that the girl calling me (nor the girl whom I was supposed to bowl with) gave two flying fudges about the two fatalities I helped board and bag. Me thinks, it was a good thing I missed that date, if this is how she handles little mistakes.
SmileFace Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Ummm.... you couldn't find time to cancel? It is obvious you missed a huged bullet... chick sounds bonkers but that doesn't mean you couldn't fine time to contact her. Common decency. It really doesn't matter if you were out saving the world. You had time for a short phone call or even a text. 1
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 And afterwards, I did message her and apologize, profusely for not informing her. Mind you, we didn't actually set a time, place or even a firm activity. Not excusing my forgetfulness, but at the same time, I do not believe bringing hate speech, and derogatory terms into a 2:30am conversation really counts as being a decent person either. As I told the nice lady on the phone, if someone has a problem with me, let them call me I do not appreciate being berated by someone who has a bias. Crazy lady indeed. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Did she know about the fatalities? did she know how tough it was for you over those days?....i think her behavior was inconsiderate, inappropriate and thoughtless and that she made a mistake by not handling the matter herself.....i actually feel sorry for her, you sound like a pretty cool guy with a demanding and harrowing occupation....she made a mistake has she tried to contact you since?.......she has probably had many disappointments with no relation to you as far as meeting guys go......thats a shame she thought you were probably another..as i said thoughtless on her behalf...deb
SmileFace Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Yeah... she is bonkers... block her number and hope she doesn't know where you live..lol:)
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I told her friend that was screaming at me, that I just bagged and tagged two fatalities, one being a child, and that while I apologize for forgetting our prior commitment, I couldn't really just leave. Now again, not excusing my forgetfulness, because yes I could have called, texted or had someone near the rig do that for me. But once you arrive on scene, it's not like those thoughts go through your mind. You see a house on fire, and you hear people yelling and then instincts kick in. Neither the friend, nor the girl seemed to care that I had a legit excuse for missing our get together. I'm simply another piece of ***** male who doesn't deserve common respect. Mind you I am 28 and she's 24, so I believe from now on, anyone under 27 isn't getting a date with me =p.
SmileFace Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I am 22 and wouldn't have acted like this ... even if you were blowing me off. Please don't push use all into some bubble. 1
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Oh and I do not mean to haha. So please do not take offense to my broad statement, but I figure considering where I am in life, I might be better off finding someone in the same area of life as me. Again, apologies, just seems to be one of those days =p
SmileFace Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Sorry... I must have forgot a smiley or something. I am not offended..teehee
thefooloftheyear Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Bottom line is you could have called or left a message...Takes no effort at all. Maybe she over-reacted, but you dont know what she might have been through. Maybe she is traumatized by a former ex that always did that to her. Next time, just call her..I am sure she would have understood. TFOY 1
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Like I stated before, I texted her after the little diatribe her friend sent my way. And how she reacted after learning I dealt with two fatalities during my triple shift, that she didn't care, that shows me the kind of person she is. I'm traumatized from my STBXW's three year long affair, but I still treat people with respect. Did I forget to call, sure did, but people make mistakes and in the grand scheme of life (two of which were taken from this world), it's small potatoes. Over-reacted I believe is a generous term for having her friend sling hate speech my way.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Like I stated before, I texted her after the little diatribe her friend sent my way. And how she reacted after learning I dealt with two fatalities during my triple shift, that she didn't care, that shows me the kind of person she is. I'm traumatized from my STBXW's three year long affair, but I still treat people with respect. Did I forget to call, sure did, but people make mistakes and in the grand scheme of life (two of which were taken from this world), it's small potatoes. Over-reacted I believe is a generous term for having her friend sling hate speech my way. If you were dating her for 6 months or a year, then maybe.. But standing her up on a first date without a call is just not acceptable. Believe me, I am a guy, not some bitter chick. I dont care what happened at work. Just call, it takes no time at all. Women hate that crap. Its on you.... TFOY 2
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Completely understand, and I've apologized as much as I feasibly can. But considering we had not set anything in stone, I think some leeway is in order. And it wasn't the first date actually, it was the second that we had not finalized. We had a date a week previous where I explained to her the in's and out's of dating a fire fighter. Such as me just taking off, when I am called. So, as much as I'd like to say you are correct, your facts for stating what you believe are incorrect.
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I suppose the point I should have made, that while traumatized, I can still function normally. I can still do my job, and was thorough enjoying the pace I was going with this girl. In no way, does my separation dictate my life. I am very able and willing to jump back into the dating world. However, after little miss crazy pants, I'll be a little more gun shy haha.
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Oh I can be alone just fine. And as for growing up, with all due respect Ma'am, I've seen things you cannot even begin to imagine. That forces a person to grow up, I didn't have a choice when I was hired onto the department years ago. I get your point, but that is a a rather broad statement. I see no harm in going out and meeting people, as I have been very forward with all the prospects I have come across. Some have understood and decided to walk away, someone have been curious and to those brave souls I've done the coffee meet and greet. No where am I looking for a serious, settle the f$%k down relationship. And again, I've made that perfectly clear to all persons in attendance. My accountability does not justify what my STBXW did, considering after the fact of our separation I found even more evidence between the two of them, that she never did love me and I just happened to come around at an ideal time frame. Off topic =p. I get where you are coming from, but I find it amusing that people are grazing over the language and general hate speech that this woman had her friend use. I'm thick skinned but when people start dropping the 'F' and 'N' bombs I'm about ready to put their head into a convection oven.
dave33 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Bottom line is you could have called or left a message...Takes no effort at all. Maybe she over-reacted, but you dont know what she might have been through. Maybe she is traumatized by a former ex that always did that to her. Next time, just call her..I am sure she would have understood. TFOY I had to register just to reply to this thread. I'm also in public service (police), I'm sure the OP can relate to this. There's some days were I come home from work (sometimes 16 hour shifts) so physically and emotionally drained the last thing on my mind is checking my phone, making phone calls, even talking to people. I need time to cool down and get my **** together before I begin to function again. I've been burned too many times taking the job home with me. I think the only way to fully understand this is to be a first responder. If the girl didn't understand that, the relationship wouldn't of lasted long, at all. Been there, done that. It takes a special and strong women to be in a relationship with a cop or fireman. To the OP, I know it really sucks but look at it as a filter device. Like I said before, if she acted this way now, just imagine what should would do if you got ordered in on your anniversary...
veggirl Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 She sounds like a psycho bitch, I can't see how anyone is defending her. I'm sure if you were out trying to save their family members and stopped to call a date, you'd get hung for that too. This girl sounds like a 13 yr old...having her friend call you, seriously?!
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 While I appreciate the support Thomu, that's a bit of an offside comment. I should have taken the time to clear the air with her, but from my stand point, any rational, emotionally stable person would have looked at the circumstances of my forgetfulness and went 'Ok yea, kind of jerkish, but I can understand why he didn't put it as a priority to remember'. I suppose the keywords are rational, and emotionally stable.
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I had to register just to reply to this thread. I'm also in public service (police), I'm sure the OP can relate to this. There's some days were I come home from work (sometimes 16 hour shifts) so physically and emotionally drained the last thing on my mind is checking my phone, making phone calls, even talking to people. I need time to cool down and get my **** together before I begin to function again. I've been burned too many times taking the job home with me. I think the only way to fully understand this is to be a first responder. If the girl didn't understand that, the relationship wouldn't of lasted long, at all. Been there, done that. It takes a special and strong women to be in a relationship with a cop or fireman. To the OP, I know it really sucks but look at it as a filter device. Like I said before, if she acted this way now, just imagine what should would do if you got ordered in on your anniversary... Oh you're a Blue Canary eh? Joking brother! Thank you for the job that you do, because to be honest, you couldn't pay me enough to put on your uniform. Appreciate the support, as it's nice to have some from someone who's in the industry.
2sure Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 She should have either written you off or called and said she felt stood up and didn't like it. Going off, via a stand in, is beyond normal acceptable dating behavior. Imagine if the date had been firm and your schedule interfered. She would hunt you down at a call. 2
mesmerized Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 She was an idiot to date a newly separated man in the first place. In fact, most girls you will get at this stage of your life are going to be idiots in one way or the other or they wouldn't date you given all the things you seem to tell them upfront. Just being honest. 1
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I would have accepted either writing me off, or calling me and saying she was upset. Then I could have at least verbally apologized and offered to meet her immediately after my call for a coffee even though I'd be filthy and smell horrible. But she had a stand in do it for her, and her stand in was a horrible excuse for a woman. Who throws around the Fa$%ot, word like it's a common thing to call people? Lord if I did that, I'd have half my town and PR department saying my head should be on a pike outside the walls =p.
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 So far I've a Blue Canary and a Meat Wagon Technician in this thread! I'm joking, you EMT's do not get nearly enough respect from the populace and see some pretty crappy things as well. I never understood why it's taken so long for EMT's to get a firm offer for Danger Pay where I live. Politics are odd things. And to the women that do want to date me, I've made it very clear the pitfalls and whatnot. In no way am I gaslighting or down playing my current situation. Again, very casual approach to dating right now, I'm just spooked that so soon out of the dating gate, I've been mauled by an 'interesting' individual and her attack dog.
MoreThanThat Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 What you did was 100% wrong. No sympathy here. If you two got along and had 'loose plans' - that means she kept the night open waiting to hear from you. It takes a minute to let someone know - regardless of the circumstances. That said, her friend calling you was really f'd. But it still doesn't negate that you stood her up. 2
Author SmokeRat Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 And again, I've owned up to that, and apologized as much as I feasibly could for that. However, I believe a stable, emotionally rational person would sit back and look at the entire situation (two people dead), and think "in the grand scheme of all this, I think I can look the other way on this one". Then again, not everyone would look at that situation as what I believe a rational person would. Hence, this thread =p.
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