Soph30 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Hi! New to this, but need some advice. I recently resorted to online dating as I was a bit tired of meeting men that didn't want a relationship. I met a guy on there, who's 30, wanted something long term and we really clicked! So far we've been on two dates, both of which ended up with him staying over at mine (he lives in a different city). Both of the times I have seen him we have been very coupley and he's never been much of a texter, usually contacting me in half an hour periods every other day. We had a bit of a chat after the first date, and I stated I didn't want to have sex with him until his intentions were in the right place, to which he replied "darling, you don't deserve to be hurt, you deserve a good man who will look after you and treat you like a princess, i aren't sure if that is me atm as i'm struggling to find a job and no money makes for a pretty rubbish date". He then organised seeing me again, he traveled and spent money which he is in short supply of just to see me (he stated this point when he came over) we ended up starting to have sex and he said to me "you sure you want to do this, we don't have to" but I thought he must want something to suggest sex after the conversation we had. After we had sex, we spent most of the night talking, he made references to how he wouldn't make me do the ironing and little futurey comments. Since this date (a week ago) I've heard from him every few days, i know he's ill at the moment, so I don't know whether that's why his responses are so spread out, but I can't help but feel uneasy about the state of our relationship? Should I suggest going to see him? Should I be concerned over his minimal texting? Any help/advice/direction would be greatly appreciated!!
january2011 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 His lack of financial resources is a potential problem if you're going into an LDR. The likelihood is that you won't be able to see each other that often. However, as long as you both have a reliable internet connection, the relationship can still be maintained through Skype, supplemented by emails and texting. Have you spoken to him about exclusivity and whether or not either of you are seeing other people, including maintaining your profiles on the OLD site? I'd also suggest talking to him about frequency of contact, how much you'd each prefer. If neither of you are prepared to put in the time and effort to maintain an LDR, I don't think you can take this further.
Author Soph30 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Well after the first date I responded to his financial worries by saying to him "don't worry about it honey, I'm happy to travel to you until you find a job it won't be a problem for us" his reply was "man, you talk to me like you've known me months? should I feel privileged?" to which I said "yes, sorry was just trying to be nice" and he said "you don't need to try to be anything soph, chill your beans ;)" he's a pretty easy going guy, and obviously a lot has happened since that was said, but I'm a little wary on approaching a deep topic with him incase he sees it as "intense" x
kyleg517 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I've been in that same situation. Sex changes everything. It is possible that he just wanted to get his and get out, making every possible comment he could to ease you into it. Since he was staying with you, he further tried making the situation less awkward by making you feel as though he would always be there. But if you're staying at someone elses house, why tell them the truth if you know that they will throw you out after hearing it? The only reason I say that is I used to be that douchebag. So the situation is chillingly familiar On the flip side, if he really is sick, then give it a couple days, however i've never been too sick to send someone i "care" about a text at least once a day. just a respect thing I suppose. Don't fret over it. His intentions will become clear over the next couple days. My adage, expect the worst, and you wont be disappointed Im sorry to hear you're going through this, but like i said, i have been on the other side...
january2011 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 In my opinion and experience, strong and clear communication is the bedrock of a successful LDR. If you cannot talk to him, then you're not going to get the answers that you need. As internet strangers, we can only deduce so much from what you've written. As much as you really want to make this work, he also needs to do some heavy lifting, no matter how laid-back his personality. It can't just be all on you. You'll end up feeling resentful and used and he'll end up feeling guilty.
Recommended Posts