Lostint Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 We're all on here because we want our exes back, but being honest,mow many of us were really and truly happy in those relationships? Because if it was really a happy relationship, you'd still be together. We all have an ache that feels like it can only be fixed by getting our exes back. But being honest, that ache was there for me during our relationship too. The physical stuff makes it go away for a while and that's probably why I'm chasing after this illusion that getting him back would make me happy again.
Avery234 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I honestly felt very happy with her, But with her breaking things off and having some time to gather my thoughts I started to focus on my priorities and realized how much she really meant to me and I how I took it all for granted. Now I hope down the road our paths meet and if not I guess it wasn't meant to be. 1
travelonic Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Because if it was really a happy relationship, you'd still be together. n. This thinking is severely flawed, IMO of course. It being happy doesn't mean things don't come up where people need a break - or that things don;t pop up that need resolve, things that might require a breakup of some sort. To answer our question: I was happy - partly in my case since the girl I was with was habitually, behaviorally so similar to me that I was able to learn more about myself and improve myself overtime [and the same did happen with her, even if she has trouble seeing it sometimes], partly because we were so good together, understood each other so damned well. 1
Amelie1980 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Relationships don't make you happy 100% of the time. So is quite wrong to say if you weren't happy it wasn't right. I was immensely happy with my bf until all his problems kicked off. So I'll never know if we would have been ok if that mess hadn't started. 1
Author Lostint Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 This is interesting - it's not at all the response I expected! I would have thought that if the relationship isn't working for one person (the dumper) then it can't REALLY be working for the other. I guess what I mean is, if one person is holding back, then can the other person truly be happy with the relationship? Hmmm.
iouaname Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was not 'happy' as much as I was attached, comfortable, and dependent. There were happy times, for sure. I enjoyed his company a lot, I enjoyed the hobbies that we had together and I enjoyed the companionship. We clicked really well in a lot of ways. However, the relationship just did not work and we both avoided admitting it. There were incidents that happened early on that poisoned the well forever - but we both insisted on working past it. Out of that, more issues arose and the relationship just got unhealthy. Was I happy? At times. Was it a relationship that would have brought lasting love and happiness? No. 1
amaysngrace Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was really happy with him. Cloud nine happy. He's now my best friend.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 (edited) We're all on here because we want our exes back, but being honest,mow many of us were really and truly happy in those relationships? Because if it was really a happy relationship, you'd still be together. We all have an ache that feels like it can only be fixed by getting our exes back. But being honest, that ache was there for me during our relationship too. The physical stuff makes it go away for a while and that's probably why I'm chasing after this illusion that getting him back would make me happy again. I have this belief that breakups are less about the person you are no longer with and more about killing your self esteem and wanting what you cant have... Having said that, if you are looking for the "PERFECT" mate where there is absolutely NO problems, well, you'll have to go to Fantasy Island to get that. Doesnt exist. TFOY Edited April 7, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
singme2sleep Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Relationships don't make you happy 100% of the time. So is quite wrong to say if you weren't happy it wasn't right. I was immensely happy with my bf until all his problems kicked off. So I'll never know if we would have been ok if that mess hadn't started. Same with me, everything else got in the way. I can say that I was 100% happy with him but he wasn't that happy with himself. For a relationship to thrive, but people have to love themselves first. I disagree with the OP that if we were truly happy then we'd still be together, it isn't always that simple. 4
thefooloftheyear Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was really happy with him. Cloud nine happy. He's now my best friend. I simply dont know how you can do it...But hey, if it works for you, then great... TFOY 1
steveT95 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I googled 'how to fall out of love' about a month before we split up. We always agreed that in a relationship the two of us didn't need the same interests but it became clear we wanted totally different things. (Just last night she said how much she hated fields and wanted the city, I hate cities.) We also had different ideas of what a relationship should be.
Harradin Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was on top of the world when I was with my ex. Then when her problems started and she left, it pretty much was the polar opposite, I was miserable. I still think if her circumstances were different I'd still be with her now. 3
Amelie1980 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Same with me, everything else got in the way. I can say that I was 100% happy with him but he wasn't that happy with himself. For a relationship to thrive, but people have to love themselves first. I disagree with the OP that if we were truly happy then we'd still be together, it isn't always that simple. I agree too. We were very happy together for a long time. He had.family problems, the start of those made him go a bit distant on me. Then he lost his job, had two family deaths and then ended up in hospital....he stonewalled me after hospital. Now ill never know if we Would've been ok but for his problems.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I agree too. We were very happy together for a long time. He had.family problems, the start of those made him go a bit distant on me. Then he lost his job, had two family deaths and then ended up in hospital....he stonewalled me after hospital. Now ill never know if we Would've been ok but for his problems. Thats hard to say, Amelie... But think about it....Wouldnt you want the love of your life to be with you during hard times? Heck, in some cases, people go to prison for many years and their mate faithfully waits for them to get out. They write letters to the parole board, arrange conjugal visits and such....If ever there was a reason to cut the cord, wouldnt that be it? TFOY
guysmily25 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was incredibly happy with her, up until the point that she left me via a laundry list of mistakes in a text. I think it helps to think of many of us who are hurt in this way; We remember the person we were happy with, and we remember the person we left us, as different people. While I have been going through the healing process, I have been struggling to remember that they are the same person. 3
Author Lostint Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I think it helps to think of many of us who are hurt in this way; We remember the person we were happy with, and we remember the person we left us, as different people. While I have been going through the healing process, I have been struggling to remember that they are the same person. Yes! I'm struggling to express things as eloquently as you have, but there's something about, if you'd known what was going on in the other person's head, you probably wouldn't have been so happy.
guysmily25 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I know what you mean, my ex said a lot of things to me in the breakup she was holding in. I was so happy because I thought I was making her happy, but she wasn't as much so as I thought.
jjjman Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was very happy and satisfy when I was with her. I gained 20 pounds in our 4 years relationship because I was so content with my life back then (I have great appetite when I am happy). I now know the problems that cost her to feel cold and at times unwanted during our relationship. I guess I was being too comfortable and not putting efforts into our relationship. Although she has own problem, she is a wonderful and caring person. So yes, I was really happy with my ex. Im still hoping for a second chance.................
singme2sleep Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Thats hard to say, Amelie... But think about it....Wouldnt you want the love of your life to be with you during hard times? Heck, in some cases, people go to prison for many years and their mate faithfully waits for them to get out. They write letters to the parole board, arrange conjugal visits and such....If ever there was a reason to cut the cord, wouldnt that be it? TFOY You have a point TFOY but I think it's not always that black and white. Sometimes people don't leave to be selfish, they leave to be unselfish... 2
singme2sleep Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was on top of the world when I was with my ex. Then when her problems started and she left, it pretty much was the polar opposite, I was miserable. I still think if her circumstances were different I'd still be with her now. Same with me :-(
all_cats_rgray Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was going through depression the year he left. ... I was very happy with him. Just having a hard time getting motivated. Well he left because of it. Good to know when your down in the dumps the one person... you think loves you kick you in the gut.
Noma Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 We had left some big things unresolved in out relationship. Complicated by the fact that we work together. Had I not been afraid to talk about some things. I believe we would still be together. Towards the end the silence was filled with everything unsaid. I was really happy with him. He is amazing. He brings so much joy to my life. We still work together. I am trying to give him as much space as possible. We are kinda being friends... I guess we will see what happens. We have been more respectful of each other at work. And that is good, maybe with the break up we can establish better working habits. Yes I hope we get back together... It's been 6weeks since we split 1
Author Lostint Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 We had left some big things unresolved in out relationship. Complicated by the fact that we work together. Had I not been afraid to talk about some things. I believe we would still be together. Towards the end the silence was filled with everything unsaid. I was really happy with him. He is amazing. He brings so much joy to my life. We still work together. I am trying to give him as much space as possible. We are kinda being friends... I guess we will see what happens. We have been more respectful of each other at work. And that is good, maybe with the break up we can establish better working habits. Yes I hope we get back together... It's been 6weeks since we split This sounds very similar to my situation - relationship broke down because we established a pattern early on of not communicating. I was facing some difficult stuff in my life, and keeping it all inside in a new relationship tipped me over into depression. We never established the trust that I needed to be able to talk to him about it. I kind of hope we can start again as friends, but it's very painful and I'm not sure I'll be able to keep hoping. 1
Droplet Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I was extremely happy with her. She was a perfect 10 in my eyes and someday something happened in my professional life which made me terrified I'd lose her which turned into a self-fullfiling prophecy. She supported me for months during this professional "crisis" ( which obviously immediately solved itself once she was gone ) but finally had enough of my insecure bull**** because it started to mess with her own educational / professional life. And frankly I don't blame her because I now realize how supportive she was all along despite all the bull**** I'd bring to the table because I was afraid of losing her. The biggest irony is that I did all of this to try and keep her and it failed. Had I not reacted at all to that event, we'd probably still be together to this day because other than that we got along fine ( never argued, very intense sex life, we went on dates every time we were together... ). The breakup itself, though it was heartbreaking for me, was a very respectful and caring one, if that makes any sense, and I know she still has as much respect for me as I do for her even though I had to gently ask her to stop contacting me. I still love her ( and I probably will forever but simply in a different way ) but even though I'm still a bit sad that it ended, I'm glad we were in each other lives for five years because this relationship taught me many things, the most important one being : you have to love the other person in a way she feels free. 1
missjones4812 Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I was happy. I thought I had finally met a man that was good for me. A man I could trust, a man that was worthy of becoming my husband, and the father to my child... Well apparently I am a f------ idiot because this man broke me in a way no one ever has and no one ever will. He said he was unhappy, so thats why he cheated and moved in with the girl after 2 weeks...the longer I am away, the more I see that we had problems that any couple in our situation would have, nothing out of the ordinary, but HE was NOT willing to talk about anything or put in any work. He did not grow or change one iota in our relationship. So if he never did this, but never changed, I probably would have grown tired of it. I still miss him terribly though, at least the person I thought he was...
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