eachcomingnight Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I wasn't planning on posting my own thread, just gaining strength from those of you who have posted about similar circumstances, but I feel like I need to share today. I am just over a week post-break-up and 4 days into NC. I know my emotions are nothing unusual. Yesterday I managed OK for the most part, but today I cannot stop crying and I feel totally empty. I have a lot of willpower and I will stick doggedly to NC, but I am really struggling today. As I was making plans to move to be closer to him, he was feeling increasingly distant. He was not sure enough to encourage me to make the move in good conscience. I traveled to see him a week ago, and we talked things through, which was helpful in getting a chance to express myself and for him to make sure that he was really making the right choice. I believe he was, based on his feelings. Obviously, that doesn't make it any easier for me, especially since it was clear that he still has feelings for me - they are just not strong enough to warrant me making this move. I have never fallen so completely for anyone before and thus I have never experienced this kind of pain in a break-up. We had a fantastic relationship even during the times we were apart, and I really could see myself waking up to him for the rest of my life. The pain is so hard today. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it is so hard to feel that right now. It is especially difficult because, unlike many people, I find I have very few negatives to focus on. He was (and is) one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. I adore him and I know that a huge part of my pain is coming from the fear that I will never find anybody who can come remotely close to him. Thanks for listening, LS.
richard9 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Take comfort in knowing that there was nothing you could do, he simply did not feel the same way about you as you felt about him, at least you tried, this must give you some peace. It was the same with me and my ex, she felt nowhere near as in love with me as I was with her, infact you would probably have to go back to near the beginning of our realationship when she did feel it. But anyway really we cant chose how someone else feels about us and I know its soooooo hard when you have never met anyone like them and know (for now) that you never will again. Try to congratulate yourself on the nc you have achieved so far I know how difficult those early days are and you are doing really well and being strong in sticking to it. Keep hanging in there!
blindhope Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 That's a tough spot. And it most likely will get tougher as it sinks in. But the more you can push through the NC and the pain the better you will be. It's only temporary and you will find someone else that steals your heart some day. But first you have to let yourself heal from this.
Author eachcomingnight Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Thanks for your responses. My emotions have been a little bit more under control today but I have swung in the opposite direction and felt just numb and out of my own body. It's hard to believe it has only been 5 days without speaking to him. The voices of doubt are in my head today. "He wasn't really sure about ending it..." "Does he know that he should tell you if he realizes he's made a mistake?" "Would starting over from day 1 hurt that much more than reaching out?" But then the rational side kicks in - He said this didn't "feel right" anymore. He said he was "afraid of losing me forever" but obviously not afraid enough to avoid taking the first steps toward that outcome. He lives on the other side of the world and the only way this would work is if he was sure enough about me and ready to commit. I miss him so much. Every email and phone call I get I am sure it is him contacting me - even though I know he will respect my wish for space. Nothing has ever been so hard.
jjjman Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 SUPER POWER HUGGGGGG for you!!!!!!!! I understand what you are going through, I miss my ex so much too. Stay strong you will make it through and everything will be fine.
singme2sleep Posted April 9, 2013 Posted April 9, 2013 The first few weeks are really tough, but it does get a little better. Tomorrow is 3 months for me and I don't cry as much as I used to. There's always triggers though, for example; every time I see a car like his I have to look twice at the driver or when one of "our songs" comes on the radio. Anyway try to hang in there, and maybe do some things to pamper yourself. Good luck and remember you're not alone! 1
Recommended Posts