MammaMia Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 When you first had undeniable evidence of your spouse's affair: a)How did you react? b)What was the spouse's reaction when confronted? The first time he had an EA, when I read the emails and had undeniable proof I was in shock. My whole world changed in an instant. However, I did not confront for a few weeks because I wanted to give them enough rope to hang themselves with and they did not disappoint me. When I confronted him I was very calm and he listened to me silently and he said that he would talk to her and put a stop to it. That very day, a few hours later, without having told him, I did call the bimbo up and confronted her as well. When H found out that very day, he came home and he was furious because I had not given him the opportunity to talk to her as he had told me earlier he would have done. My response was that I did not want him to prep her up, that I wanted her ' raw' reaction and that I did get. A few months ago when I found a questionable line in an email to another lady, again, something died inside me because I thought he had learned his lesson. Once again, I did wait for a few days before I confronted. When I did, as is his style, he listened silently but at the end he gave me lame excuses.
underwater2010 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 When you first had undeniable evidence of your spouse's affair: a)How did you react? I cried and got angry. What I found barely scratched the surface. The initial discovery was of inappropriate talk (not sexual just flirtatious). I left a message on facebook where the initial stuff was found and left the ring for him to wake up to in the morning. I then dug some more. What I found was heartbreaking. I was devastated, cried some more and even stroke him at one point. Eventually it lead to me contacting the MOW and then her BH. Then it lead to great insight into my own marriage and where we wanted to go from there. b)What was the spouse's reaction when confronted? First, denial that he did anything wrong....after all he wasn't cheating if he didn't have sex with her. It was after asking how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, that he got it. He talked, he opened up, we argued and cried together. He talked with her BH and admitted everything. He never talked to her again.
krazikat Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was cool, calm and collected when I confronted him. He tried to deny it. So I told him his gig was up, I had talked to his little girlfriend and knew for a fact he had been having a long sexual relationship. He admitted it then, and thats when my "game face" shattered. I cried and cried. For days, I cried. I went to bed crying, woke up crying. I got sick, threw up, shaky...ugh. I am not a crier, and I never throw up, even when I have the flu. Of course, I still had to go to work everyday, so game face went on for the work day...then after work I would cry on my way home. I also flipped out on tow. She was a b at first, she said horrible things to me. I snapped, cursed her out, called her every name, threatened her, etc. I think I would have ended up in jail if she had been in front of me. I could not believe how crazy mad I was. I usually have quite a bit of self control. I also let my wh have it, I have never felt the physical pain of betrayal like this, and it sucked. So, in a nutshell, I went a little crazy.
Holyoak Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 My STBXWW told me she did not love me, was interested in someone else from work, and walked out without telling me who. I was completely blindsided, and prayed I would simply die. The depth, breadth and intensity of the pain/despair/betrayal has no words I can articulate, that fully encompass how it feels. Nothing even comes close, even the loss of my dad, and other family I loved as much as humanly possible. I was a non functioning zombie, and I truly do not know how I survived the first few months. Her reaction was and continues to be that of a disordered person; absolutely no empathy (told me she had no regrets), 100% blameshift on me that I "made" her do it/If *I* had been a better husband, Lying with disordered ease, mind****s and trickle truth, could not care less for the other family involved, takes pleasure in my pain, parental alienation to daughter, and any emotion shown by me, ie crying, needing support actually made her more angry, and this anger gave her pleasure. She is a monster, and where she could have shown a modicum of kindness, humanity, do the right thing; she would rather hurt, leverage where she can financially, and bleed me dry during divorce, and become the biggest coward I have ever known.
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