youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 So far I've been ignoring my ex since Tuesday. I know it is bothering him because he is trying to manipulate me into replying. He texted me, "Not talking to me because I said no sex? I see what I was good for now.." HE KNOWS that isn't the reason and if for some reason he thinks that is why I fell off the face off earth than he is just ignorant. I feel bad, but what is keeping me strong are the horrible things he has said to me. And the fact that I know it just isn't meant to be. I've been keeping myself busy and overall I'm happy and not losing sleep at night or anything. But for those who are ignoring their ex's, how do you stay strong?
robaday Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Ive found it difficult ignoring too, kept wanting to see the girl I dated come back but every time I did finally cave and break contact she was pretty horrible to me. So after the last time she got in touch, (she always starts nice), I laid it straight to her, and said I wanted nothing to do with her anymore.....I also told her why, and said like the amount of falsities and shxxxt shes thrown around since the breakup means I dont respect her. Depends if you guys have been civil or if hes continued being a jerk since the breakup?
Poppy fields Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Focus on all the ****ty things he has done and said to you.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Ive found it difficult ignoring too, kept wanting to see the girl I dated come back but every time I did finally cave and break contact she was pretty horrible to me. So after the last time she got in touch, (she always starts nice), I laid it straight to her, and said I wanted nothing to do with her anymore.....I also told her why, and said like the amount of falsities and shxxxt shes thrown around since the breakup means I dont respect her. Depends if you guys have been civil or if hes continued being a jerk since the breakup? Well he basically told me he wasn't going to sleep with me anymore and planned on sleeping with other people in the future, he also said that I turned him off and he would lose an erection with the Thought of getting me pregnant. He hasn't been the nicest. But since I've been ignoring him he has only texted me a few times and makes it sound like I'm the bad person by saying that I used HIM for sex. I think I just got tired of it all. I never could do anything right. He was OCD so when I went to his house and if I left something on the counter or missed the trash can or didn't do the dishes, he would flip out on me. And we NEVER went out. He went out on a cruise, went to Vegas, went on trips and went camping and I was NEVER invited. The most we have ever done is gone to a bar for a couple drinks. Our "relationship" got boring. And he got careless and insecure. Whenever I told him I was going out, he wanted to know Who, What, Where, When, Why and How. He would become pissed if I were hanging out with a male. Livid pissed. I'm starting to wonder what I even saw in the damn guy to began with. And when I ask myself what about him makes me happy? I can't think of anything great.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 My Horoscope today NAILED it. "When you plant a seed with the goal of eventually growing a flower, it may take nearly two weeks before you see even the smallest sprout emerging from the dirt. At that point, the seedling will be fragile, and will need extensive nurturing and just the right conditions to thrive. You have set something in motion, Leo, or so you thought. But you haven't yet seen any signs that it is working as you planned. But it is. Even though you haven't yet seen any signs of success, they are forming below the surface. Give it time."
na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Some people may be against this, but I would explain to him why exactly you're ignoring him. If he doesn't get it after you tell him why and ask him to leave you alone then you'll have another problem on your hands. You don't need to give him a paragraph, just a few sentences or something. Say why you're ignoring him. If he doesn't want to believe you, that's his problem. There's no way to convince someone of something once they believe otherwise. This could be the reason why it's so hard to convince an ex that "you've changed" after they dump you. You either tell him to stop or you wait for him to stop (he probably isn't going to).
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Some people may be against this, but I would explain to him why exactly you're ignoring him. If he doesn't get it after you tell him why and ask him to leave you alone then you'll have another problem on your hands. You don't need to give him a paragraph, just a few sentences or something. Say why you're ignoring him. If he doesn't want to believe you, that's his problem. There's no way to convince someone of something once they believe otherwise. This could be the reason why it's so hard to convince an ex that "you've changed" after they dump you. You either tell him to stop or you wait for him to stop (he probably isn't going to). To be honest, I thought about that. BUT ignoring him is basically the same thing as telling him to leave me alone. Eventually he is going to get the hint. And if it becomes bothersome and he is constantly contacting me then I will block him. Right now, I have the power. And that is the fuel I need to keep me moving forward. I'm pretty happy and I'm seeing the bright side of things. I wasn't happy with him and I wasn't secure either. I'm way over due. Now is my time to catch up and be single, live life, be happy and find someone who gives a hoot about me. How are you doing by the way?
na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 To be honest, I thought about that. BUT ignoring him is basically the same thing as telling him to leave me alone. Eventually he is going to get the hint. And if it becomes bothersome and he is constantly contacting me then I will block him. Right now, I have the power. And that is the fuel I need to keep me moving forward. I'm pretty happy and I'm seeing the bright side of things. I wasn't happy with him and I wasn't secure either. I'm way over due. Now is my time to catch up and be single, live life, be happy and find someone who gives a hoot about me. How are you doing by the way? As long as you can handle the contact, I would say that you do have the power. Once it starts to hurt you, or bother you, or annoy you I think you lose it. Only you know how it affects you, and it sounds like you're ready to block him if it becomes excessive. Keep the power and use it to push you in the right direction. You seriously are way over due for happiness lol. I'm doing fine. having a rough weekend, but over all I'm better now than I have been.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 As long as you can handle the contact, I would say that you do have the power. Once it starts to hurt you, or bother you, or annoy you I think you lose it. Only you know how it affects you, and it sounds like you're ready to block him if it becomes excessive. Keep the power and use it to push you in the right direction. You seriously are way over due for happiness lol. I'm doing fine. having a rough weekend, but over all I'm better now than I have been. I agree. He isn't contacting me enough for it to hurt me or bother me yet. Didn't you ignore your ex? How did that work? How long has it been now?
Rainy1030 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I'm doing no contact now with my ex, at least as close to it as possible. I really do feel like its a good thing, I know its hard but it gets easier! They get jerkfaced because they start to question things on their end.
na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I agree. He isn't contacting me enough for it to hurt me or bother me yet. Didn't you ignore your ex? How did that work? How long has it been now? Well I was saying the same thing you're saying. "I'll just wait for her to stop" "It's not bothering me". She never stopped though and it was bothering me. The last straw was as I was trying to get to bed one night, I got a text that just said "hi *my name*". I didn't fall asleep that night. I was shaking for some weird reason and felt really cold. Anyway the next morning, after consulting the people on here about it, I blocked her number. Right before I did that I sent her a text "There's nothing we need to talk about. Please leave me alone". and that's the last I've heard from her. That was 3+ months ago now, and I'm much stronger now than I was then. So my suggestion is, don't wait for it to really bother you. You don't need him to push your buttons and say something to REALLY get under your skin and hurt you. I know my ex knew how to get me angry, and she also knew what to say to get me to respond. The catch was, this time I didn't respond. I still regret not finding out what she wanted to talk about. and I feel like I could handle a conversation with her now, but I can't handle her telling me what I don't want to hear which is why I'm struggling now. Ignoring them is good. I think not accepting contact is better if you're trying to heal.
Jono85 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 the term shouldn't be "ignore" it should be cutting someone toxic out of your life. for good. you've never really come to that realization and until you do that you're going to be staying on LS creating threads about the hurt your "ex" is causing you. 1
Jono85 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I still regret not finding out what she wanted to talk about. and I feel like I could handle a conversation with her now, but I can't handle her telling me what I don't want to hear which is why I'm struggling now. dude any of us could handle our exes telling us they want us back and have been pining for us lol. but we both know that's not what we'd hear. ie. don't regret that, you kept a bit of power and are in a better place. many of us didn't get to keep that power (we were the last ones to beg and they just didn't want it, and haven't contacted us after) so consider yourself very lucky.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Yea, all of you are right. But if I were to block him I would just wonder because a part of me does still care, shamelessly. So right now, ignoring him gives me that power I need to move on. (if that makes sense) Once I get to that spot where I am strong enough to block him than I will. As of right now, it isn't a problem. That's another thing I was thinking about...is LS really a good place to come when you are trying to get over an ex? I come here and complain about an ex and it just puts them back in my mind when really I should be keeping busy and doing everything I can to keep them out of my mind.
Jono85 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Yea, all of you are right. But if I were to block him I would just wonder because a part of me does still care, shamelessly. So right now, ignoring him gives me that power I need to move on. (if that makes sense) Once I get to that spot where I am strong enough to block him than I will. As of right now, it isn't a problem. That's another thing I was thinking about...is LS really a good place to come when you are trying to get over an ex? I come here and complain about an ex and it just puts them back in my mind when really I should be keeping busy and doing everything I can to keep them out of my mind. i've made a thread about this in the past, b/c personally i don't think so. i think it's fine for the INITIAL period of heartbreak for some support and stuff. but i think once a dumpee reaches the point where he/she needs to accept the relationship is over and wants to heal, i think this place is not healthy to come to. in fact i've taken a few months off from here in the past b/c of this reason. b/c what happens is ppl start reading OTHER ppls threads about their ex situation, and find ways to project it onto their own. or just in general we see others situations and it reminds us of our own. despite what ppl might try and say, no, imo it's not healthy to stay on here. you need a break of a month or two if not more imo to limit all thoughts on ex period. that is the mission and path to recovery, to limit thinking about the ex over time.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 i've made a thread about this in the past, b/c personally i don't think so. i think it's fine for the INITIAL period of heartbreak for some support and stuff. but i think once a dumpee reaches the point where he/she needs to accept the relationship is over and wants to heal, i think this place is not healthy to come to. in fact i've taken a few months off from here in the past b/c of this reason. b/c what happens is ppl start reading OTHER ppls threads about their ex situation, and find ways to project it onto their own. or just in general we see others situations and it reminds us of our own. despite what ppl might try and say, no, imo it's not healthy to stay on here. you need a break of a month or two if not more imo to limit all thoughts on ex period. that is the mission and path to recovery, to limit thinking about the ex over time. I agree and I think I might stay off of here for awhile, because this time I'm dead serious about moving on. And I think it has held me back in a way because it made me obsess over the breakup and in a way made me more sad. Although I do appreciate all the great advice people have given me, it's time to learn and live that advice now.
na49 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Different strokes for different folks I guess. I think that this site and the users here have really helped me to move on with their advice. They've also talked me off the ledge multiple times.
siankat Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Sometimes it depends on my mood, how i feel about my ex, but that thing you mentioned, of you and him never doing anything big together (like he does alone), and the way things were, if you could sign up for more of that would you? Sometimes excessive hope builds up feelings of what's potential between two people when in fact for the most part, we continue to be who we are and so coming together again would mean the exact same problems (been there done that) so entertaining anymore texts from him, trying to accuse you of something he's doing and you defending yourself, is a common tool used by the feeble minded 'guilty party' when cornered with their actions so just...cut him loose in all ways. Do you owe him anything? (i'd hazard a guess n say Nah!) Good luck and i hope you bump into someone who matches you 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Sometimes it depends on my mood, how i feel about my ex, but that thing you mentioned, of you and him never doing anything big together (like he does alone), and the way things were, if you could sign up for more of that would you? Sometimes excessive hope builds up feelings of what's potential between two people when in fact for the most part, we continue to be who we are and so coming together again would mean the exact same problems (been there done that) so entertaining anymore texts from him, trying to accuse you of something he's doing and you defending yourself, is a common tool used by the feeble minded 'guilty party' when cornered with their actions so just...cut him loose in all ways. Do you owe him anything? (i'd hazard a guess n say Nah!) Good luck and i hope you bump into someone who matches you Thank you for that. That makes more sense. I think I miss the Thought of us. But when we are together, I remember why I wanted to move on in the first place.
siankat Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 You're welcome. That feeling of wanting him but when ur with him, realising you can't/don't want him probably won't change as neither will you two. It's the pain from detaching from someone after being attached that is so hard i think.
Silly24 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Some people may be against this, but I would explain to him why exactly you're ignoring him. If he doesn't get it after you tell him why and ask him to leave you alone then you'll have another problem on your hands. You don't need to give him a paragraph, just a few sentences or something. Say why you're ignoring him. If he doesn't want to believe you, that's his problem. There's no way to convince someone of something once they believe otherwise. This could be the reason why it's so hard to convince an ex that "you've changed" after they dump you. You either tell him to stop or you wait for him to stop (he probably isn't going to). Don't expect him to understand or even acknowledge his faults. His ego demands that you be the bad person. So if you tell him all the crap he dealt you, do it for you and not for him.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Don't expect him to understand or even acknowledge his faults. His ego demands that you be the bad person. So if you tell him all the crap he dealt you, do it for you and not for him. Honestly, silence speaks the loudest. It doesn't matter if I tell him why I'm ignoring him because he will just get mad and it will create a fight. I rather just not talk to him, he doesn't need a reason. If anything this will teach him not to treat people like crap. Hopefully he will sit and think about it and realize what a jerk he is. He doesn't deserve to know anything about how I feel.
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