dwilliams Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Greetings all! I have been in the divorce process for about 3 months and the judge just decree temporary orders for spousal support for my wife. We are still living together despite her constant requests that I move out. My wife has been extremely difficult during this process and now is out almost nightly drinking, karaoke bars,dancing, billiards, etc and up until recently has refused mediation. I am not sure where she is getting all the money for her social life but knowing she cannot get child support for my 2 kids she gave me an ultimatum either move out or she would find an apt. I have tried to work things out and for the sake of our two kids to end this swiftly. She is stalling and using my money for her play time. I really don't know what else to do. I know this is a legal type question but if she is receiving spousal support can I cancel all things I am paying that would directly benefit her such as cell phone and club memberships to force her to use her spousal support for things I am currently paying for? I know per the restraining order that I have to leave her on my health insurance,etc and I have no problem with that. It just boils me that I have to continue to pay for her fun time ( I am the sole provider so all the income from the household is generated by me). Anybody ever been down this path and could offer some words of advice. I wanted to give her a easy transition to single life but she is making my life hell with her disregard for her responsibilities to the household and to the kids. Please any help would be appreciated..
amaysngrace Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I would cut off the cell phone and make her pay for it and cancel her membership to clubs as well. I'd also close all credit cards and bank accounts that she has access to. Don't you have a lawyer? She is going out every night and is neglecting the children. You should get video or at least audio of her when she comes home drunk.
Juls64 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 She is going out every night and is neglecting the children. You should get video or at least audio of her when she comes home drunk. That is an idea, but don't create a new problem. Make sure it is legal in your state first.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 OP, whereabouts in the world, are you? This is a multi-national site, so advice from one quarter may mean diddly-squat in another..... (We don't need house number address and post/zip code - just the country/continent would be a help....)
Author dwilliams Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 I live in the continental USA Ohio in particular
Steadfast Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 If you have control, use it. If you're able to cancel memberships and accounts, cancel them. But ask yourself why? She might need the phone for situations regarding the kids. Otherwise, have her move. Out the door. Naturally, I'm assuming you have an attorney. Make sure you have a clear financial plan that lays out what's yours and what's hers. Custody must be settled. The court will use its guidelines to determine what you'll need to pay for support. You have no control over what she spends it on. None. The only thing you can do is try and reason. I suspect the harder you try to control her, the more she'll rebel. Stop worrying about money and get her out. Focus on your financial plan and being there for your children. Don't play this game with her. She'll win. 2
Author dwilliams Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Thank you all for the advice given. I do have an attorney and have been in contact with them regularly as to strategy. I agree with steadfast that I should stop worrying about money and get her out. The kids need to come first here. I guess I am just amazed that this person made a 180 and became someone I would have never imagined. It is sad that the mother of my children has become so selfishly destructive and narcissistic. I guess I have to let the wheels of justice grind away slowly..
TheBladeRunner Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I guess I am just amazed that this person made a 180 and became someone I would have never imagined. It is sad that the mother of my children has become so selfishly destructive and narcissistic. Same stuff, different woman here. Do yourself a favor and STOP wondering why she did this.....you'll never figure it out as to why she became this "lovely new creature" (in her mind ). I tried to figure out why mine did it for months and all it did was drive me "nucking futts". Mine is exhibiting some of the same ridiculous behavior in that she constantly parties and hangs with her "neato" friends. I pray she is not getting bombed when she has our child, she has 50% of the week to do that w/o her there, but I am willing to bet she is tanked every night.
TheBladeRunner Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT A SIGNED CUSTODY AGREEMENT IN PLACE!!!!!! This is paramount! Not sure how it is where you are, but where I live if I had of left w/o it, it could have taken me up to 90 days to get a court date just to get an agreement in place to see my daughter. This was sound advice from all my buddies and I am glad I followed it; please discuss it with your lawyer.
aMguilts Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 i concur let HER move out stop funding her nights out aM
standtall Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 1. Do not move out. 2. Record her drunk in areas the house where you have no expectation of privacy...not the bedroom of bathroom. Ohio is a single party consent state where only one party has to agree to be recorded. 1
Recommended Posts