TaraMaiden Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 However you feel works best for you, then do what you have to do.... but remember in the end, what you are aiming for is benign indifference; you have nothing against her, but have no feelings one way or the other, like the girl at the call centre, or the checkout lady.... Harbouring negative thoughts about someone may be helpful, but in the long run, if unchecked, can make you bitter and resentful. Just be mindful of that, and 'watch your thoughts'.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Definitely in control of them. They are very much thoughts made up in my own mind with little to support them, logical thinking makes them irrational and I can see that and understand that. I am in control Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 TaraMaiden, will you be my therapist!!? lol Great advice once again with the snowballing example. That is exactly what I do: WALLOW, so deep my knickers get wet. ;p I hate it and I wish I didn't do it. Most of my pain is self-inflicted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 You couldn't afford me.... In fact, nobody can afford me. That's why I have no clients...... :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
jen_r Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I had no contact for over 3 months (longest NC yet) and I was doing FINE. I still thought about him, but was accepting that I was moving on and would be with someone else. I would have continued on that path, but he of course distrupted my life by sending flowers to my house, and now he is on my mind again and I feel the pain of the breakup all over again. I know I can go full NC again, but i'm mad at myself that I have to start all over. I feel stupid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Don't feel mad at yourself - feel mad at him, the phukkwit. Had I been you, I would have told the delivery guy - "No thanks, RTS".... But enjoy the flowers. They're soooo you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I'm going to start allowing myself half an hour a day to think about things and get upset about it, in order to let it out. But any other time will force myself not to think of it. I think things that make me angry so I miss her less. Is that an okay thing to do? For example: 'Selfish cock sucking slut, f*ck off' It does get easier honest, I'm 3months in.... I tried to do the 'thinking for an hours' in the early days and I just couldn't do it! My mind would wander and I would think 'jesus' I'm doing it again!! Now when I think of things I don't dwell as much, I'm more realistic and use this as a learning process. You need to allow yourself to talk to others, cry and get angry... Try not to contact her unless 'finance/kids if you have them' this way you are giving yourself important head space. Try to think of who she is now,rather than who she was because at the end if the day that's who you are now dealing with Good luck, things get better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 It does get easier honest, I'm 3months in.... I tried to do the 'thinking for an hours' in the early days and I just couldn't do it! My mind would wander and I would think 'jesus' I'm doing it again!! Now when I think of things I don't dwell as much, I'm more realistic and use this as a learning process. You need to allow yourself to talk to others, cry and get angry... Try not to contact her unless 'finance/kids if you have them' this way you are giving yourself important head space. Try to think of who she is now,rather than who she was because at the end if the day that's who you are now dealing with Good luck, things get better Thanks, Suzie. I don't always dwell on thoughts simply because I have an active mind and a short attention span I will see her next week when we swap stuff but from now until then it's no contact. At the moment it is the almost constant miserable feeling that I can't deal with. It seems worse when with others, their good mood seems to show up my bad one. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_r Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Don't feel mad at yourself - feel mad at him, the phukkwit. Had I been you, I would have told the delivery guy - "No thanks, RTS".... But enjoy the flowers. They're soooo you!! I thought about sending them back. I was quite pissed when I got them. Of course now they're in the trash - where he belongs as well. Ugh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 OMG. This is mind-numbing. I physically feel the effects of you no longer here. I had a big meeting today, one that you know of. I wanted to call you so bad after to tell you how wonderful it went. But I can't. I wanted to run out of that meeting because all I could think about was how you completely went from wanting to deepen our relationship to devaluing me worse than anyone ever has in a span of 2 weeks. I don't even really like you that much as a person. You are moody. You have issues. You are selfish. You think the world is against you. You criticize and complain. You scream about your needs but never address mine. But I think I saw the one or two good things and have hung all hopes that you were it on that. But you aren't. You don't care at all, you completely lack empathy. I have issues that I put up with this, and would even want to hear from you at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Thanks, Suzie. I don't always dwell on thoughts simply because I have an active mind and a short attention span I will see her next week when we swap stuff but from now until then it's no contact. At the moment it is the almost constant miserable feeling that I can't deal with. It seems worse when with others, their good mood seems to show up my bad one. Ha ha... I'm a dissect and analyze person lol It takes over your life at first it's awful, such confusion so many mixed feelings...I've tried to avoid bitterness and negative thoughts when out and i.e going out with all couples or when I've been on the beach and seen a young happy couple and at first thought resentment, but I turned it into the fact that I've had this and will one day have again too. Think of where you want ot be not the past, make an effort to do things you've not done because of being busy or in a relationship, it opens positive mental doors and allows you to meet new people. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Oh dear I am sorry about my last post on this thread, I'm so out of it today I thought I started my own thread.... sigh.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 I have really begun to focus on my future career now and what is best for me. It seems to work a bit fabulousgal - Don't worry about it. Is you ex my ex? Sure sounds like it!! Link to post Share on other sites
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