Out of the blue

[KENTON22]

I was in a 3 and a half year relationship up until about a week ago. I thought things were good. We had a great connection. We met as I was a customer where she works. Over time we would talk on one day she handed me her number. A few days later I called and we hit it off. Things grew, and we became very close. Spending mostly every weekend together. I developed close relationships with her children and grew to love them. She had been in an abusive relationship previous to meeting me. She and I never argued or had any major disagreements. It was great. No drama. We did a lot of things for each other over the years. I helped her when she needed help. I never asked her for anything. The sex life was great. At a certain point things got deeper. She expressed that I was the man she loved. That she loved me with all of her heart. That she was so grateful for me being in her and her children's lives. From there, we would express or love pretty much every day. I would tell her, she would tell me. Cards, gifts, surprises, we would do for each other. Everything seemed just right up until this past Valentine's Day.

We went to a Valentine's dinner at her church. I got to meet a lot of her friends. We had a good time and an even better night of intimacy. I started thinking of proposing when I found a ring, and make real plans. I hadn't told her. That is just where my head was at. Over the next several weeks she started to change. She was irritable. Our daily conversations became more and more brief. I asked what was up. She blamed it on the kids and stress on the job. I said that's understandable, so I didn't press. Also as the days passed, she didn't respond to my texts as often, the I love you's faded. I still didn't press. Then she had a bad cold 2 weeks ago. To make sure she would be completely healthy for the following weekend visit, I said get some rest and we will hook up Next week. I told her I can't wait to hold you. She said thanks and we will get together soon. Until further notice. I'm like what does that mean. The next weekend comes and She was like I'll get back to you. I asked what's up? Whatever it is let me know. She was evasive. I am suspicious at this point and ask again. She says her EX is in the picture. The ex that gave her hell. She says it's nothing I did. Which I know is true because I have only been good to her. So this past week I have been blindsided. I expressed my hurt to her. She claims she can't explain. That she hurts too. Then the old I love you more than you know bit. I am just numb I had no idea. we haven't spoken in a few days. I don't know what to do. It doesn't make sense. It hurts....

Edited April 6, 2013 by KENTON22

[Mack05]

She had been in an abusive relationship previous to meeting me. She and I never argued or had any major disagreements. It was great. No drama.

 

U don't go from an abusive relationship to no drama..When you understand why this is, you will get the answers that you are looking for.

 

When you get those answers, u will realise u had a lucky escape and more importantly u will understand that u have serious issues of your own you need to address..

[Gottabestrong]

I disagree with the previous poster about you having serious issues. I think your ex does though, based on the fact that she let her ex come back into her life after abusing her and after being in a healthy relationship with you for a few years.

 

I realize this will be extremely difficult for your, but my advice is to stay away and not contact her anymore. Give it a week or two and see if she reaches out to you. If she does not consider yourself broken up and do your best to heal and move on.

 

If she reaches out ask her to meet in person and talk about what is really going on. If she refuses then you should tell her that your needs are not being met and you don't want to be in a relationship like this anymore.

 

Good luck and stay strong!

[KENTON22]

Thank you Gottabestrong

[Ajax]

I'm not really sure why you found yourself blindsided by this. It seems she started the slow fade out about a month ago, and you even picked up in the signs. Sure it doesn't feel good, but she was definitely throwing up red flags.

 

Sometimes relationships go south rapidly. Maybe she has intimacy issues. Maybe she's a commitment-phobe. Maybe she was never really as invested in you as she led you to believe. Who knows? It's really pretty futile trying to psychoanalyze old flames. I wasted almost a year of my life trying to get in my ex's head. I could have used that time to move forward and find someone who was a better match, but I didn't.

 

It'll take some time, but don't handicap yourself by dwelling on what happened with this woman. She's made her choice, for whatever reason. Take care of yourself now.