Do you think most women end up settling with a guy who is less attractive than them?

April 7, 2013

Look at him looking at her! He believes he got a "perfect" woman

Im sure he tells her that while hes on the road banging groupies:laugh:

April 7, 2013

No, the biggest insult is to settle for us and then make us pay for the child(ren) she had with said bad boys. I mean, that's why she eventually picks you anyway, right?

I am not denying the existance of women who are manipulative losers -

But seriously. Lots of single mothers - the majority, I'm sure - who end up forming a family with a loving man who willingly takes on her kids - aren't coming at it from that perspective at all.

And the men aren't feeling resentful or used, either. Because they're not.

By all means, don't go out with women who have kids if you don't want to. Plenty of women steer clear of men with kids too. But I take issue with your reason.

April 7, 2013

But women pretty much do have their pick of the litter. Except for the top 1% of men which they all fight over. But I guess that 1% are the only ones that matter.

You're being facetious, right? And when did you male relationship pundits change the percentage of the world's population of men that we're interested in from 20% to 1%?

Ok, gotta go. I need to fight xxoo for her man, 'cause he's so awesome he must be in the top 1%.

April 7, 2013

Or do men not think about all this stuff at all and just go for the best without calculating what their chances of getting it are?

the more attractive ones only want me for a relatively "low price" and are thus more focused on the "fun and easy" part. In other words I would have to be more attractive to get even the attractive men to want to offer a "higher price" for me.

Hm. If you're really a woman, I think it's sad that you've evidently completely internalized all this crap about your value as a human being (guys here are doing it too) based upon absolutely superficial criteria.

Forming relationships, even just casual sexual ones, is not really about looking at people on a scale of 1 - 10 looks wise and then going for "the best." Or thinking of connecting with a person as people "getting it." Or buying into this "market value" kind of theory pertaining to people / dating / sex / relationships like you do in the second post I quoted.

Many guys on LS do this a lot, but I think it's relatively rare for a woman. I hope you stop.

Essentially, the people with healthy self esteem are going to try to connect with the people they're attracted to, for whatever reason - and also be ready to deal with rejection and move on.

April 7, 2013

I am not denying the existance of women who are manipulative losers -

But seriously. Lots of single mothers - the majority, I'm sure - who end up forming a family with a loving man who willingly takes on her kids - aren't coming at it from that perspective at all.

And the men aren't feeling resentful or used, either. Because they're not.

By all means, don't go out with women who have kids if you don't want to. Plenty of women steer clear of men with kids too. But I take issue with your reason.

This is true. If I were single I would probably not date a single mother because at this point I don't want kids and if you marry a single parent you do become a step parent. That being said some single parents can be very good partners depending on the circumstances.

April 7, 2013

I've dated/been friends with some "classically" attractive women. Many of them look MUCH different when they take their makeup off.

This realization has been one of the reasons why I'm not as hung up on looks than I used to be.

I recently had brunch with an actress/model I previously had romantic interest in. She's notoriously late for EVERYTHING. I called her at 10AM confirming brunch - it was tentative up to that point. I was in my car and across town in minutes. Like 20 min when typically it would be 30-45 assuming I didn't dilly dally either. Anyway, she didn't have time to doll herself up and I didn't let her - I said "let's go it's not a date". I remember looking at her during brunch and thinking she was so much more plain than I'd ever seen her. I thought, wow it must be a lot of work for her to keep up her appearance. It got me thinking the difference between many girls is not some intrinsic beauty, it's just how much effort they put into it. It's a little sad we have so much societal pressure that way.

April 7, 2013

But the chance of initiating love is highly dependent on market value...that is, you don't fall in love with someone unless you judge them to be of suitable market value...so by the time love is finally in play, market value is irrelevant...but until then, it is quite important...

Let go of logic and just date. It sounds like a bad PUA ebook

April 7, 2013

For those of you who said you were tired of just messing around and wanted a relationship...do you think it was your attitude that changed...or that you just met the right person?

I mean...take the person you ended up with...if you had met that same person during the middle of your "sowing your wild oats" phase, would you have dismissed him/her as just another notch on your belt and moved on, or would you have stuck with that person just the same?

I know, for me, I had a pretty rocky time with a girl I was with where we fought almost daily. But the sex was amazing. So after about 8 months of the on/off thing we decided to just make it a FWB arrangement and things were never better for us. Then I started dating a few girls around the same time and I remember thinking how much better for my sanity this was over the constant yelling and fighting and making up and fighting again. It was just SO much simpler. Then I met the "one" and all that went straight out the window. Within a month we were serious, I cut off my FWB cold turkey (she was actually pretty hurt and wanted me back) and in another month we were living together and I've never looked back.

I like to think that it wouldn't have mattered WHEN I met her...that the end result would have been the same.

This is a cute point.

I think it is a little of both though, being emotionally ready, and the one.

I went from being married to beig single though, so i met a lot of great men who I would have at a different time seen long term potential. Due to the stage I was at though, I chalked the guys who I had a great connection with into the "its too soon out of my marriage to ever work."

April 7, 2013

So if it seems that only guys whom I´m not attracted to want to date me while the ones I feel attracted too don´t seem to want to commit do you reckon I should:

A) lower my standards when it comes to looks.

B) Try to keep my confidence high and hope I´ll find someone who can reciprocate my attraction for him.

Do I have a problem or have I just been unlucky?

April 7, 2013

So if it seems that only guys whom I´m not attracted to want to date me while the ones I feel attracted too don´t seem to want to commit do you reckon I should:
A) lower my standards when it comes to looks.
B) Try to keep my confidence high and hope I´ll find someone who can reciprocate my attraction for him.

Do I have a problem or have I just been unlucky?

Are you exclusively attracted to physically hot men? Have you never become inexplicably attracted to an average-looking guy?

Get involved with people who inspire you. Mix with men who are interesting on many levels. See what attractions develop.

When connection/chemistry develops on a level NOT based primarily on looks, it can be a much stronger attraction--and longer lasting, too, as looks fade. That deeper, soul-to-soul attraction can produce a passion that lasts for decades, even when bodies change.

April 7, 2013

Are you exclusively attracted to physically hot men? Have you never become inexplicably attracted to an average-looking guy?

Get involved with people who inspire you. Mix with men who are interesting on many levels. See what attractions develop.

When connection/chemistry develops on a level NOT based primarily on looks, it can be a much stronger attraction--and longer lasting, too, as looks fade. That deeper, soul-to-soul attraction can produce a passion that lasts for decades, even when bodies change.

Actually no! I´ve had a couple of crushes on guys who I thought were incredibly charming but were not particularly attractive at all. One of them even told me once that he considered me to be out of his league. Still, for one reason or another, I´ve never ever experienced reciprocate love or romantic feelings with any guy. I know I´m 22 and still young, but I often feel like so many other people my age get to experience it and it´s unfair that I haven´t and so tired of having to answer the question "so, why are you single?", cause there just isn´t a clear answer to that.

That´s why I´m so interested in understanding wether I´m just unlucky or wether there is something wrong with me and/or my standards.

April 7, 2013

So if it seems that only guys whom I´m not attracted to want to date me while the ones I feel attracted too don´t seem to want to commit do you reckon I should:
A) lower my standards when it comes to looks.
B) Try to keep my confidence high and hope I´ll find someone who can reciprocate my attraction for him.

Do I have a problem or have I just been unlucky?

I don't think you can really change the people you like, we can't do that... So I have to tell you to take better work of your cloths and hair, etc etc

I know you said you look good, but hey what the harm in trying to look better

and I've seen a very attractive guys end up with less than average girl

So it's also about confidence, personality, and how good you are as a person!

Everything matters in the end

April 7, 2013

Is it because you don't understand it...?

Because it's pointless and irrelevant.

April 7, 2013

So if it seems that only guys whom I´m not attracted to want to date me while the ones I feel attracted too don´t seem to want to commit do you reckon I should:
A) lower my standards when it comes to looks.
B) Try to keep my confidence high and hope I´ll find someone who can reciprocate my attraction for him.

Do I have a problem or have I just been unlucky?

Keep looking! Get what you want! Don't settle for less or you'll just end up unhappy.

Keep dating, keep experiencing, keep learning about who you are. You just may surprise yourself.

I didn't end up marrying the girl I thought I wanted when I was in my early teens. My first gf was who I thought I wanted. Four years later I learned I was completely wrong. But I wouldn't have known without that experience. A few years later, some more dating and learning and finding out for myself, I did find the perfect one for me.

Date, live, learn, love, lose, and do it all over again until you find who you want. Keep an open mind and don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work out.

Remember...who you want is who you want. There is no wrong answer!

April 8, 2013

Originally Posted by somedude81

The OP is struggling because she can't get the every attractive men to date her. Bo hoo. If she wanted to date an average man, she could already. Right now she things dating a normal dude is settling. Sucks to be her.

She also seems to be very shallow and that's a big turn off for me.

SD, are you aware that the attitude she expresses is just exactly the same as the one I attribute to you, based upon your many, similar posts here?

I'm sure you'll take exception to that, but from where I sit - reading a computer screen - there is no significant difference.

Substitute "girls" for "guys" in the post below and I swear it could have been written by you. Remember those fat girls you're always talking about?

So if it seems that only guys whom I´m not attracted to want to date me while the ones I feel attracted too don´t seem to want to commit do you reckon I should:
A) lower my standards when it comes to looks.

Why is it "shallow" for women to want to date guys based on their looks, but not when you do it?

April 8, 2013

Originally Posted by somedude81

SD, are you aware that the attitude she expresses is just exactly the same as the one I attribute to you, based upon your many, similar posts here?

I'm sure you'll take exception to that, but from where I sit - reading a computer screen - there is no significant difference.

Substitute "girls" for "guys" in the post below and I swear it could have been written by you. Remember those fat girls you're always talking about?

Why is it "shallow" for women to want to date guys based on their looks, but not when you do it?

Hey MME chaucer, I have a shocking revelation - I actually agree with you 100%

So many avg guys feel like them wanting a hot girl is normal yet an attractive girl wanting an attractive guy is shallow. It's very strange to me

April 8, 2013

I'm sure you'll take exception to that, but from where I sit - reading a computer screen - there is no significant difference.

Fixed it for you!

April 8, 2013

BUT the fat ugly woman could lose weight whenever she wants. So it all evens itself out in the end.

How do you even out the ugly part?

April 8, 2013

But the chance of initiating love is highly dependent on market value...that is, you don't fall in love with someone unless you judge them to be of suitable market value...so by the time love is finally in play, market value is irrelevant...but until then, it is quite important...

That's really not true in very many cases. I've never known a person who would agree with that. If that's really the way you are approaching relationships, I'm not surprised that you may have trouble.

Seriously. When I'm attracted to a person, I'm not "judging" and "market value" is the last thing on my mind. Why on earth would I care about where that person would fall when compared with all other people based upon the commercial standards of our entire culture? I don't value the same things as other people do. What everybody wants is what determines market value, right? All I care about in relationships is what's important to ME. The "market" means nothing to me.

It sounds like you are looking at people to see if they are "good enough" by society's standards before bothering much with them. I really don't think that's how it works, ever.

April 8, 2013

Hey MME chaucer, I have a shocking revelation - I actually agree with you 100%

So many avg guys feel like them wanting a hot girl is normal yet an attractive girl wanting an attractive guy is shallow. It's very strange to me

Originally Posted by somedude81

SD, are you aware that the attitude she expresses is just exactly the same as the one I attribute to you, based upon your many, similar posts here?

I'm sure you'll take exception to that, but from where I sit - reading a computer screen - there is no significant difference.

Substitute "girls" for "guys" in the post below and I swear it could have been written by you. Remember those fat girls you're always talking about?

Why is it "shallow" for women to want to date guys based on their looks, but not when you do it?

How many thousands of times do I have to say I want an average girl?

And no, when there are only three girls out of twenty in my class that are fat, THEY ARE NOT AVERAGE.

April 8, 2013

How many thousands of times do I have to say I want an average girl?

And no, when there are only three girls out of twenty in my class that are fat, THEY ARE NOT AVERAGE.

You aren't average, either. The 30 year old who has never had a relationship is not average.

April 8, 2013

You aren't average, either. The 30 year old who has never had a relationship is not average.

I wouldn't be surprised that when, if I live long enough to see it, I see the age of 30 and I have yet to get into an exclusive relationship up to that point, that I'm still better than a good portion of the males who has been in 2-3 long-term relationships.

And, while that does reek of a mighty big ego on my part, I'm quite confident on that.

April 8, 2013

I wouldn't be surprised that when, if I live long enough to see it, I see the age of 30 and I have yet to get into an exclusive relationship up to that point, that I'm still better than a good portion of the males who has been in 2-3 long-term relationships.

And, while that does reek of a mighty big ego on my part, I'm quite confident on that.

And maybe those 3 fat women in SDs class are better people overall than the others. I'm not being facetious. I'm totally serious--looks do not make someone a better person, nor does dating history.

But when you are comparing "attractiveness", a woman who can not get a date is comparable to a man who can not get a date. The reasons they each can not get a date may be different, but their attractiveness in the dating game is comparable.

April 8, 2013

It is a very strange phenomena I observe on these forums that a woman who desires a man at her attractiveness level or above is seen as shallow, but a guy who does the same with women isnt. In fact, he is just "being a guy"

April 8, 2013

And maybe those 3 fat women in SDs class are better people overall than the others. I'm not being facetious. I'm totally serious--looks do not make someone a better person, nor does dating history.

Well, I can't fault SD's dislike for not wanting to date fat women.

I can't do it. It's the #1 deal breaker on my list.

I can't even love my own mother because she is 280+ pounds herself and has been that way for over a decade. If that doesn't reek of pure laziness, I don't know what is.

I give SD that much. As for everything else, everyone else here has been a better job handling it than I can.

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Do you think most women end up settling with a guy who is less attractive than them?

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