targaryen Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 And I don't mean in the "we're not back together yet!" sort of way. I AM doing NC to stop hurting and heal and move on and all that but the more days go by the MORE i think about her and the WORSE I feel. If I had to quantify it, 9 of 10 thoughts are about her. She's the first thought in my head when I wake up. I dream about her. Yet I can't fall asleep until 2-3 am because of these thoughts. Everywhere I go I see memories. And everything I do makes me ache wondering what she'd say or comment, and what she's doing. What's going on here?? I'm not so strong anymore...more than 2 months and I feel like crap. It's Saturday night, my sort-of friends (don't really have friends after the long relationship, just acquaintances) are all out to a nice gig, and all I can do is sit on my laptop and obsess over her. I can't even stalk her on social media because she blocked me on everything so it's pure NC we're talking about here. She clearly doesn't want me in her life because she wants to move on and be single and enjoy life but I can't stop hoping and hoping and hoping she'll be in touch in some way or at least that she's thinking of me....Unfortunately it's affecting my ability to be committed to my part time studies and even my full time job is suffering...seeing a therapist last week didn't really help as I ended up driving by her place last night just see if she stayed in like I did. Her car was in the driveway but I didn't have the courage to knock on the door..can't face another inevitable rejection but at the same time can't shake the fantasy that If I do knock she'll just accept my kiss and invite me inside. Clearly I'm still in love and can't throw away almost 5 years like that. This is terrible. NC isn't as effective as most people keep telling you. And don't give me that whole 'night is darkest before dawn' crap...what if NC does NOT work for everyone and I'm one of those who won't ever ever get over this whole thing?
steveT95 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 How did the break-up happen? Continue with the therapist or counselling, I also recommend the book 'women that love too much.' It's aimed at women but works just the same for men. It helped me understand myself and cope with the situation.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 And I don't mean in the "we're not back together yet!" sort of way. I AM doing NC to stop hurting and heal and move on and all that but the more days go by the MORE i think about her and the WORSE I feel. If I had to quantify it, 9 of 10 thoughts are about her. She's the first thought in my head when I wake up. I dream about her. Yet I can't fall asleep until 2-3 am because of these thoughts. Everywhere I go I see memories. And everything I do makes me ache wondering what she'd say or comment, and what she's doing. What's going on here?? I'm not so strong anymore...more than 2 months and I feel like crap. It's Saturday night, my sort-of friends (don't really have friends after the long relationship, just acquaintances) are all out to a nice gig, and all I can do is sit on my laptop and obsess over her. I can't even stalk her on social media because she blocked me on everything so it's pure NC we're talking about here. She clearly doesn't want me in her life because she wants to move on and be single and enjoy life but I can't stop hoping and hoping and hoping she'll be in touch in some way or at least that she's thinking of me....Unfortunately it's affecting my ability to be committed to my part time studies and even my full time job is suffering...seeing a therapist last week didn't really help as I ended up driving by her place last night just see if she stayed in like I did. Her car was in the driveway but I didn't have the courage to knock on the door..can't face another inevitable rejection but at the same time can't shake the fantasy that If I do knock she'll just accept my kiss and invite me inside. Clearly I'm still in love and can't throw away almost 5 years like that. This is terrible. NC isn't as effective as most people keep telling you. And don't give me that whole 'night is darkest before dawn' crap...what if NC does NOT work for everyone and I'm one of those who won't ever ever get over this whole thing? Listen... Youre situation is NOT unique.. You are into the "teeth" of this thing now. Its the worst time, and it might even get worse yet! DONT stalk her. Its setting you back!...Driving by her house is not goingto help you get over this. Look at it this way....So you say NC sucks.? I agree completely. Its the most horrible thing you'll ever do to yourself. But its all about SURVIVAL! You answered the question yourself. She wants no part of you. If she did she wouldn't have blocked you out of her life. She would even offer you breadcrumbs. In some respect you have it better than a lot of others that torture themselves by thinking some innocent text asking some stupid question is the chance that they were hoping for. Nope....Its just a jerk-job...Plain and simple. Your journey has just begun, my friend. Just hang in there and kick its ass. It WILL get better, but you gotta embrace it. TFOY 2
lovelifexx Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Why/ How did you break up? I don't understand, why did she feel the need to block you from everything if she broke up with you? My ex broke up with me 4.5 months ago after 1 year together. After 2 months I felt a lot like you, I felt I was getting worse. Couldn't sleep, eat and had panic attacks all night. It's only this past week that I am starting to let go and am not thinking of him every minute. 2 months is not a long time. It really sucks that it's painful for so long. It will get better...
Debbie2508 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 And I don't mean in the "we're not back together yet!" sort of way. I AM doing NC to stop hurting and heal and move on and all that but the more days go by the MORE i think about her and the WORSE I feel. If I had to quantify it, 9 of 10 thoughts are about her. She's the first thought in my head when I wake up. I dream about her. Yet I can't fall asleep until 2-3 am because of these thoughts. Everywhere I go I see memories. And everything I do makes me ache wondering what she'd say or comment, and what she's doing. What's going on here?? I'm not so strong anymore...more than 2 months and I feel like crap. It's Saturday night, my sort-of friends (don't really have friends after the long relationship, just acquaintances) are all out to a nice gig, and all I can do is sit on my laptop and obsess over her. I can't even stalk her on social media because she blocked me on everything so it's pure NC we're talking about here. She clearly doesn't want me in her life because she wants to move on and be single and enjoy life but I can't stop hoping and hoping and hoping she'll be in touch in some way or at least that she's thinking of me....Unfortunately it's affecting my ability to be committed to my part time studies and even my full time job is suffering...seeing a therapist last week didn't really help as I ended up driving by her place last night just see if she stayed in like I did. Her car was in the driveway but I didn't have the courage to knock on the door..can't face another inevitable rejection but at the same time can't shake the fantasy that If I do knock she'll just accept my kiss and invite me inside. Clearly I'm still in love and can't throw away almost 5 years like that. This is terrible. NC isn't as effective as most people keep telling you. And don't give me that whole 'night is darkest before dawn' crap...what if NC does NOT work for everyone and I'm one of those who won't ever ever get over this whole thing? Sorry you're having such a rough time. I'm 3 months post BU and feel I may be starting to turn the corner. But its only happened in the last 2 weeks. I hit rock bottom about 3 weeks ago. Was coming home from work and just lying on my bed crying and wishing I wouldn't wake up the next morning. Like you,I'm NC, the rare time I caved in and sent a text it would either go unanswered or I'd get a short ,impersonal reply. I was doing the "drive by"thing too,and asking a friend about him. I don't know what's caused my change of attitude,and I still have bad days. And,if I'm being honest,I still think about him/us for probably 85% of the day ,but it was 99% so its definitely improving. I've also managed to stop focusing on how wonderful he was and to start remembering the not-so-good times. I've (more or less!) lost the urge to contact him,and am realising that his "cruel to be kind" approach has actually helped. Had I been getting breadcrumbs I'd have never been able to attempt to move on. I no longer drive past the house and when his friend told me that they were meeting up I asked him not to tell me about it when they had done so. That was a major step for me,usually I'd be asking him to find out all kinds of stuff. . What I'm trying to say is that it gets worse before it gets better. And the 9 -11 week point was absolutely my toughest time. I think you get to such a low point that the only way is up. Don't get me wrong,I'm not "cured",I still love and miss him,but I need to move on from this as best I can. Good luck 2
pruzhinki Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Why/ How did you break up? I don't understand, why did she feel the need to block you from everything if she broke up with you? My ex broke up with me 4.5 months ago after 1 year together. After 2 months I felt a lot like you, I felt I was getting worse. Couldn't sleep, eat and had panic attacks all night. It's only this past week that I am starting to let go and am not thinking of him every minute. 2 months is not a long time. It really sucks that it's painful for so long. It will get better... my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago after 1 year together. i stick to NC and never broke it in this 2 months, he never contacted me as well. I think my feelings getting worse recently coz i realized he might never contact me again, and i won't be the first one to contact him. so we are on the same boat.
lovelifexx Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago after 1 year together. i stick to NC and never broke it in this 2 months, he never contacted me as well. I think my feelings getting worse recently coz i realized he might never contact me again, and i won't be the first one to contact him. so we are on the same boat. I feel for you. Yes, I came to that realization too. He broke up with me because of circumstance, I know that it was hard for him too and that he was heartbroken in the very beginning. Recently I sent him a message and asked if we could be friends that I hated how we act like strangers when we run into eachother. He never answered my message. After everything I did for him, I at least deserved a reply. That made me realize what a hypocrite he is and that he doesn't deserve my friendship. It helped me to take him off his pedestal and has helped me to finally be able to move on. I know now that I will never hear from him again.
Author targaryen Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Why/ How did you break up? I don't understand, why did she feel the need to block you from everything if she broke up with you? She broke up with me because she felt she was too young at 22 years to be in a four year long relationship. She had been missing the single life for the past year or so and slowly fell out of love with me. I had been fighting for the relationship for months, which prolonged the process, but at the end she walked away. It wasn't easy for her, however, seeing I never did anything wrong per se. I'm not sure why she decided to block me, but on the day of the BU I made it clear to her I was going to stop all contact, so I guess she decided to honor that and to help herself move on as well. I went out to the gig on impulse yesterday and had fun. I guess I'll have to continue with this endless road to calvary day by day.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 She broke up with me because she felt she was too young at 22 years to be in a four year long relationship. She was right, I'm afraid; I agree with her. She had been missing the single life for the past year or so and slowly fell out of love with me. I had been fighting for the relationship for months, which prolonged the process, but at the end she walked away. It wasn't easy for her, however, seeing I never did anything wrong per se. And you didn't. She knew the 'problem' lay with her, not you. At least she took the time to process her feelings and didn't end it on a knee-jerk reaction.... I'm not sure why she decided to block me, but on the day of the BU I made it clear to her I was going to stop all contact, so I guess she decided to honor that and to help herself move on as well. Precisely. She knew your viewpoint was both sound and logical. She helped you into it by doing the Right Thing and removing temptation. That's really quite considerate, when you stop and think about it. I went out to the gig on impulse yesterday and had fun. I guess I'll have to continue with this endless road to calvary day by day. Oh please. Calvary is where Christ was crucified. I'm hoping you're not looking at this as just one more weary plod towards your death-bed. I'm hoping you're using the wrong noun, here. Maybe you mean Calgary. Other opinions may vary, but it seems quite a nice place, on the whole.
Calcmag Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 In my previous experience of break ups and NC, I found the 2-3 month mark was the toughest. But it passed and got easier. Could be you feel so bad because you're just about to turn the corner and start to let it go properly. 1
pruzhinki Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I feel for you. Yes, I came to that realization too. He broke up with me because of circumstance, I know that it was hard for him too and that he was heartbroken in the very beginning. Recently I sent him a message and asked if we could be friends that I hated how we act like strangers when we run into eachother. He never answered my message. After everything I did for him, I at least deserved a reply. That made me realize what a hypocrite he is and that he doesn't deserve my friendship. It helped me to take him off his pedestal and has helped me to finally be able to move on. I know now that I will never hear from him again. my ex bf was heartbroken in the first very beginning too. he cried to his friends...so what? it doesn't mean he still want me, he was just sad for few days i guess. i have no willing to send him any message, i know it would only make me disappointed and regret. i love him and i do hold a little hope for future, i promise to myself to be a better person and if its mean to be, we will meet and love again.
Author targaryen Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 As you can see this was an honest and mature break up which is why I'm so devoid of hope that we'll get back together. It just doesn't make any sense. She even said that this would have been perfect...if we had only met in 7 years time, when she will apparantly start looking to settle again. I think she's convinced she'll be career-bound until 30 then find love or something. Oh please. Calvary is where Christ was crucified. I'm hoping you're not looking at this as just one more weary plod towards your death-bed. I'm hoping you're using the wrong noun, here. Maybe you mean Calgary. Other opinions may vary, but it seems quite a nice place, on the whole. I was just quoting a part of One Day More, a song in Les Miserables. I tend to do that because I have a weird sense of humour! But yes, it does feel like a plod at the moment, currently living day by day and not thinking too much is maybe my coping mechanism. PS: Calgary sounds nice. Maybe we could organise an LS convention there 2
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I was just quoting a part of One Day More, a song in Les Miserables. I tend to do that because I have a weird sense of humour! But yes, it does feel like a plod at the moment, currently living day by day and not thinking too much is maybe my coping mechanism. PS: Calgary sounds nice. Maybe we could organise an LS convention there Pardon my ignorance.... I must be part of the tiniest fraction of humankind who has never seen the musical.... Your humour will doubtless see you through. Never lose it.
123321 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Love is a chemical trick your brain plays on itself, give it time.
Author targaryen Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) I'm so angry at the moment. Some random guy I barely know and don't even like very much just started chatting to me on Facebook and telling me that my ex is seeing someone else. He said he didn't know how to tell me but felt I should know as he was worried about my inability to move on. What the hell!! Who gives him the right?? Do you know how much effort ive been doing in the past 9 weeks to cut off all contact so i PRECISELY avoid that sort of knowledge.. It was supposed to help me move on!! Now this ******* ruined everything. the thing is i m not even sure i believe him because he is very weird as a person. definitely bad at relationships both romantic and friendship wise. but at the same time it might be that not wanting to believe him is exactly the sort of trick my mind would play to avoid the truth. Now I can't stop thinking about asking him for more info! Also, a birthday party of a mutual friend is coming up and I'm EXPECTED to attend otherwise this girl will say I'm not a real friend. I explained the concept of no contact as I can't handle seeing my ex there especially with a date but all I got was 'yeah well get over it'!!! I can't believe we're in our mid twenties and acting like tweens! Maybe I have toxic friends. PS: asked him for details and he said no more details, because I got all uppity about the whole thing; I'm thinking he's just trying to be a douche Edited April 8, 2013 by targaryen
thefooloftheyear Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I'm so angry at the moment. Some random guy I barely know and don't even like very much just started chatting to me on Facebook and telling me that my ex is seeing someone else. He said he didn't know how to tell me but felt I should know as he was worried about my inability to move on. What the hell!! Who gives him the right?? Do you know how much effort ive been doing in the past 9 weeks to cut off all contact so i PRECISELY avoid that sort of knowledge.. It was supposed to help me move on!! Now this ******* ruined everything. the thing is i m not even sure i believe him because he is very weird as a person. definitely bad at relationships both romantic and friendship wise. but at the same time it might be that not wanting to believe him is exactly the sort of trick my mind would play to avoid the truth. Now I can't stop thinking about asking him for more info! Also, a birthday party of a mutual friend is coming up and I'm EXPECTED to attend otherwise this girl will say I'm not a real friend. I explained the concept of no contact as I can't handle seeing my ex there especially with a date but all I got was 'yeah well get over it'!!! I can't believe we're in our mid twenties and acting like tweens! Maybe I have toxic friends. PS: asked him for details and he said no more details, because I got all uppity about the whole thing; I'm thinking he's just trying to be a douche Simple solution....Dump the FB account....You wont get tempted to check on(stalk) your ex, and you wont have to partake in the infantile, high school level drama of whose "friend" is chatting with who and so on.. Dont worry, you won't miss it. And you can always start a new when you have fully processed your break up. TFOY 1
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