How much does race/culture matter to you in dating?

[bac]

in general it is more important to women than men. At least, that's what I see from OLD profiles. Not that I'm scouring men's profiles but I don't think I've ever seen a guy specify race if he's looking for a LTR.

So why all these shallow shopping lists with women regarding race, height, skin color? To be fair, men can be very shallow too, but it seems our list is one line. Hot or not. Women can have these crazy long lists that seem irrationally detailed sometimes...

 

It is because men do not really look for a LTR online. It is just the right thing to say that you are looking for a LTR.

And, women do really hope to find the special guy online. That is why it is very important for women to find a guy of the same race as they are.

Women's crazy long lists are very rational because they are looking for a perfect husband and a father of their babies.

[sillyanswer]

And, women do really hope to find the special guy online. That is why it is very important for women to find a guy of the same race as they are.

 

But I see many women online who are looking for a date (and a relationship, sometimes) with someone of a different race. Maybe they didn't get your memo?

[Seductive]

Personally, I'm a white guy and I'm not usually attracted to white women. Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, Black, Hispanic, all attractive, just not white women. And definitely not blondes.

 

I am not personally "scared" of Indian women. I do worry sometimes that if I try to date one she might not be "allowed" to date outside her race or religious heritage. Same goes for a lot of Muslim women (I had a bad experience with an Arab girl once). But, I went on a date with an Indian girl last night. She wasn't interested in seeing me further though.

 

Can you explain why white men just stare at me and don't say anything? Are they scared of being rejected or dealing with fiery parents?

 

I think the best thing is just to ask someone if they date outside their race or not.

[Seductive]

People that don't date their own does raise some flags. How can you not be attracted to your own ethnic background? Hard to believe but it does happen.

 

Crosses all ethnicites, crosses both genders.

 

 

 

 

One can be sexually attracted to their own background, but choose not to date within their race. I find some models and celebrities in my very good-looking, but I'm scared of dealing with the issues that may come with dating in my own race. What if a man dumps me for not being a virgin? What if his mother-in-law is going to be abusive? What if he starts to control me? What if he blames me for being a child sexual abuse victim? Just look at the news and you can see how women in my culture are treated. 5 years old getting raped and having candles stuck inside them? Can you blame a woman for stepping out?

 

I do find the women in my race to be way more attractive than the men, IMO.

Edited May 8, 2013 by Seductive

[Els]

One can be sexually attracted to their own background, but choose not to date within their race. I find some models and celebrities in my very good-looking, but I'm scared of dealing with the issues that may come with dating in my own race. What if a man dumps me for not being a virgin? What if his mother-in-law is going to be abusive? What if he starts to control me? What if he blames me for being a child sexual abuse victim? Just look at the news and you can see how women in my culture are treated. 5 years old getting raped and having candles stuck inside them? Can you blame a woman for stepping out?

 

I do find the women in my race to be way more attractive than the men, IMO.

 

The same goes for many guys of my cultural heritage - interestingly, most of the guys I've been with have been from the same ethnicity as me regardless. They have, like me, always been the 'odd one out' in some ways, though. I doubt I would be interested in a guy with a stereotypical traditional mindset.

 

I frankly don't understand the white supremacy that always prevails in threads like these. All Asian men want white women? All Asian women want white guys? What?? Sheesh, I'm Asian and I've never thought of white dudes as superior in any way. Not sure why anyone would.

[USMCHokie]

Not sure why anyone would.

 

Depends on where you live.

[Seductive]

The same goes for many guys of my cultural heritage - interestingly, most of the guys I've been with have been from the same ethnicity as me regardless. They have, like me, always been the 'odd one out' in some ways, though. I doubt I would be interested in a guy with a stereotypical traditional mindset.

 

I frankly don't understand the white supremacy that always prevails in threads like these. All Asian men want white women? All Asian women want white guys? What?? Sheesh, I'm Asian and I've never thought of white dudes as superior in any way. Not sure why anyone would.

 

That's awesome. I also was hoping I could find an Indian man similar to me, but I wasn't able to so far. Some people say they're open-minded when they're really not. If the right Indian man shows up and we fall in love, I'm down for it.

 

I get what you mean about the white superiority stuff. I didn't mean to imply myself personally that I think white people are superior. When I was growing up, I was literally told by both whites and Indians that white people were better. White people were better looking than us, they had more power, they're better in bed, this and that.....

Edited May 8, 2013 by Seductive

[fortyninethousand322]

Can you explain why white men just stare at me and don't say anything? Are they scared of being rejected or dealing with fiery parents?

 

I think the best thing is just to ask someone if they date outside their race or not.

 

Probably scared. Or maybe disinterested who knows. But I'd go with scared or reluctant to deal with what they think might be issues down the road.

 

It is the best thing to do, ask whether someone dates outside their race. But sometimes people are afraid of doing the best thing. Look how many people are afraid of the dentist or the doctor.

[Seductive]

Probably scared. Or maybe disinterested who knows. But I'd go with scared or reluctant to deal with what they think might be issues down the road.

 

It is the best thing to do, ask whether someone dates outside their race. But sometimes people are afraid of doing the best thing. Look how many people are afraid of the dentist or the doctor.

 

If they're disinterested, then there is no point in dating them. Do you really believe that if a man doesn't approach you, he's just not interested in you?

 

I was bullied a lot by white boys growing up in the south. They were very racist. I definitely don't want to date or marry a white racist man that he thinks he's better than everyone else.

[fortyninethousand322]

If they're disinterested, then there is no point in dating them. Do you really believe that if a man doesn't approach you, he's just not interested in you?

 

I was bullied a lot by white boys growing up in the south. They were very racist. I definitely don't want to date or marry a white racist man that he thinks he's better than everyone else.

 

No, I don't think that if a guy doesn't approach he's not interested. There are a lot of women I never approached or talked to that I wanted to get to know over the years. A lot of them were Indian or Pakistani, to be honest. And I was scared because I thought they'd be offended if a white guy was interested in them. I don't necessarily think that now but I do sometimes get scared.

 

Well, I'm not a racist white guy. I could care less what race someone is as long as they are a good person (and being attractive doesn't hurt too you know? ). In general though, I'm not usually attracted to white women, like I said. Not sure why, but it is what it is.

[Seductive]

No, I don't think that if a guy doesn't approach he's not interested. There are a lot of women I never approached or talked to that I wanted to get to know over the years. A lot of them were Indian or Pakistani, to be honest. And I was scared because I thought they'd be offended if a white guy was interested in them. I don't necessarily think that now but I do sometimes get scared.

 

Well, I'm not a racist white guy. I could care less what race someone is as long as they are a good person (and being attractive doesn't hurt too you know? ). In general though, I'm not usually attracted to white women, like I said. Not sure why, but it is what it is.

 

We also get told that white men find us ugly, dark and hairy, so we're too scared to say anything too.

[fortyninethousand322]

We also get told that white men find us ugly, dark and hairy, so we're too scared to say anything too.

 

So would you suggest just going for it and not worrying about it?

[amaysngrace]

I don't date human beings.

[bac]

But I see many women online who are looking for a date (and a relationship, sometimes) with someone of a different race. Maybe they didn't get your memo?

 

There are sites where people are looking for a date with anyone for ONSs.

The women are not typical normal women. The women have some serious problems. For example, depression, bipolar, drugs, PDs, abused, recently divorced, married, death in family, sex addiction, prostitutes, and many other problems.

[Seductive]

So would you suggest just going for it and not worrying about it?

 

I don't know. My ex said women that make the first move are desperate and make idiots out of themselves. He was the one that said, "if he doesn't talk to you, he didn't like you."

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't know. My ex said women that make the first move are desperate and make idiots out of themselves. He was the one that said, "if he doesn't talk to you, he didn't like you."

 

You're a girl right? And Indian?

 

So if I, as a white guy, came up to you or your friends, you wouldn't be offended or anything?

[Seductive]

You're a girl right? And Indian?

 

So if I, as a white guy, came up to you or your friends, you wouldn't be offended or anything?

 

No. I'm usually friendly to those that approach me. My friends wouldn't mind either.

 

When people look at me, I smile. But, they look away.

[HokeyReligions]

Race matters less than culture to me but both are important. Especially if I'm looking at a LTR. Commonalities are vital and similar priorities.

[Negative Nancy]

I've never dated a non-white man, not once. I'm not attracted to anything but white guys, they are just the most attractive men in the world.

[CryForNoOne]

I've never dated a non-white man, not once. I'm not attracted to anything but white guys, they are just the most attractive men in the world.

 

I've never dated a women like this, not once. They are the least attractive people in the world...

[USMCHokie]

I've never dated a non-white man, not once. I'm not attracted to anything but white guys, they are just the most attractive men in the world.

 

There are many more who would agree with you.

[USMCHokie]

I've never dated a women like this, not once. They are the least attractive people in the world...

 

If you are not white, then your statement would inherently be correct, since the woman in question would be dating a non-white man which runs contra to the original assertion.

 

If you are white, then it's quite possible that you did date someone who thought like that but just never vocalized her preferences. Unless you've asked all of them...

[Emilia]

I'd say it hasn't worked for me when I dated men outside my culture (not defining it as Eastern European as such, I left my home country when I was 20 and now I'm double that age). I differentiate between race and culture and have no interest in men who hold very traditional values since we wouldn't mesh. I think a lot of people treat race and culture as the same thing though.

[Negative Nancy]

There are many more who would agree with you.

 

It is what it is. I'm just telling it like it is - for me.

 

The poster getting his panties in a bunch about my preference for white LOOKS should take a long hard look in the mirror, since he as a man judges women on looks just as harshly. So when a man calls me out on having a preference for whites, I can only laugh because men judge women on looks too, yet that kind of "preference" is ok.

 

A couple pages back Castle mentioned that people who don't date their own race raise a red flag. Yet here is someone who DOES have a preference for her own race, yet that all of a sudden is wrong.

 

People nowadays are just too guilt-tripped into feeling bad about having preferences. No, not everyone wants their children to grow up looking differently, or in a different culture, or in a huge melting pot.

 

I am just saying what many people secretly think, Hokie is right about that.

[USMCHokie]

I'd say it hasn't worked for me when I dated men outside my culture (not defining it as Eastern European as such, I left my home country when I was 20 and now I'm double that age). I differentiate between race and culture and have no interest in men who hold very traditional values since we wouldn't mesh. I think a lot of people treat race and culture as the same thing though.

 

Even if they didn't, I feel a vast majority of people don't even factor in culture in initial attraction as it pertains to whether they'd date someone, especially if they've never dated that race before. It's about the looks and demeanor associated with the race.